How often does your LO see their grandparents? (out of town in particular)

magnoliablossom00

I know this has been discussed before, but I am curious now that our LOs are a little older. I am mostly interested in those who have parents/ILs who live out of town.

ILs (who we don't have a strong relationship with) live 5 hours away and want to see LO once a month, sometimes more with holidays and such mixed in. If we were close to them, it might not bother me, but we have a very hostile relationship with them (to the point of screaming fights, not talking for months, etc). I am always a nervous wreck when we visit them, to the point where I don't even feel like myself. Also, apart from the emotional aspect, because they live 5 hours away, we have to designate an entire weekend to them when they visit. I feel kind of annoyed that they expect us to give up 1 in 4 weekends a month to just seeing them, when I'd prefer to have some alone time just the 3 of us.

I guess I just get overwhelmed because DH and I are the only ones who are married or having kids, so both of our families are constantly "pulling" on us for holidays, weekend visits, etc. My ILs are particularly jealous that my parents live nearby and are pretty vocal about how they don't want to be "left out." I would prefer to see his family every other month, which I think is fine considering the distance.

Any advice? 

How often to do you see your out of town family? Am I being insensitive or reasonable?

Rachel5782

Given the fact that you live 5 hours away, I would say once every two months is pretty reasonable. We see MIL probably once every 3 weeks and she's only an hour away.  It's hard to dedicate an entire weekend when there's usually other crap to get done.  I know it may be hard to spend time with them when you don't get along, but it's good that you are trying for the sake of your child.  Grandparent/grandchildren relationships are important IMO. 

LauraOTR

I feel your pain..my relationship with my in-laws is very similar (we are currently in a no-talking phase right now...it's kind of nice but I feel bad for DH). They only live 45 minutes away, and we see them once a month, if that (and for me, it's too much, even though it's only for 4-5 hours at a time). I think once a month for a weekend stay (in either direction) is too much. I'd say every other month is reasonable.

LollyBug18

I feel like it comes in waves for us, especially with the IL's who are 2.5 hours away. Sometimes it seems like they expect us to drop everything in our schedule every couple weeks w/o asking. They just assume we're free. Lately it hasn't been so bad but it was around Emma's birthday and will be again next month when we're scheduled to be down there for an entire weekend two weekends in a row. But FIL has diabetes and is fighting two dangerous infections right now so if those don't heal, DD and I won't be able to stay with them.

My parents are a little more than 4 hours away and we see them probably once every month and a half. A lot less overwhelming to me at such a busy time in our lives.

ladybug122

DD sees her in-town grandparents (my dad and step-mom) nearly every day, they live next door. Her set of grandparents who live in El Salvador, she has seen 3 times. Twice they came here, once we went there. My mom lives on the other side of the country and we have only made the trip once to see her, when DD was 2 months old. I wish I could see her more but I'm terrified of making that trip again alone with DD, and she isn't able to come here right now because of work. 

I think every other month is completely reasonable. My mom would be thrilled to get to see DD that often. Also, you could skype with them every once in a while to help them feel more in the loop, if you don't already.

kpaivel

Just a question Do they not make the trip to visit you ever? Or is it always you that has to make the trip? I'd have a hard time traveling that far with DD more than once a month. She goes stircrazy on a 30 minute car ride as it is! Haha.

With that being said, family is family. They'll always be your LO's grandparents so if it were me I'd make the best of it. Like a PP mentioned, it's an important relationship.

magnoliablossom00

kpaivel:

Just a question Do they not make the trip to visit you ever? Or is it always you that has to make the trip? I'd have a hard time traveling that far with DD more than once a month. She goes stircrazy on a 30 minute car ride as it is! Haha. With that being said, family is family. They'll always be your LO's grandparents so if it were me I'd make the best of it. Like a PP mentioned, it's an important relationship.

Before LO was born, they expected us to only travel to them. I think they only visited once or twice before she was born. Now that we have a baby, I absolutely refuse to visit more than 3 times a year- once in late winter/spring, summer, and fall. It is just too hard for her to be in the car for 5 hours, sleep in a new crib, etc. All of those times are connected to family events, fwiw, so that we don't miss "important" family things. (aka I am trying to keep the peace!)

It's hard to say no because they say, "Pick a weekend for us to come in x-month." 

I know the relationship is important, which is why I am trying so hard to heal things. DH and I even went to counseling on how to deal with his parents. When I say things are bad, I mean they are BAD. Yelling, screaming, crying.... BAD. We recently didn't speak to them for 3 months because of them being so hurtful to DH and then talking crap about me to him, which only upset him more. Basically, it has been 3+ years of lots of drama and fighting, none of which they have ever apologized for. It has just been really hard all around, which is why I am asking for advice because I know I am biased.

tulipblossom

My parents we try to see once a year. Before we were married something seemed to always be happening so my parents would come out for a week or two and we would visit then. My mom came out for Os birth and they are trying to plan a trip out here at the beginning of next year after our new LO is born. It's sometimes much easier for my parents to travel because my father only works summers and my mom works part time and her job has no issues giving her weeks of time off at a time. When O and I were there in the summer she worked only one or two days a week so she could spend time with us.

I am really interested to see what happens with DHs mom now that we moved an hour away. She said flat out sue would not come to visit us ever cause "its too far" I think she also believes we are going to go visit her every weekend so this is going to become very interesting. I know DHs dad will not come to our house and I am more than ok with that. I just have a feeling his mom may become an issue

egpitt22

My IL's are 5 hours away, too, but we have a great relationship with them, so it's a bit of a different story.  But even with that great relationship, we don't see them once/month!  That's asking a LOT for that amount of travel time.  On average, we see them about every other month...sometimes more, sometimes less. but it averages out to be about 6 times/year.  And sometimes that's us going to them, but they also visit us probably more than half the time as well. 

 My parents live about 40 minutes away, so we see them much more often.

As far as holidays, I host Christmas and invite everyone (including our siblings)  Every year so far, my parents, my IL's, my SIL, and my brother and his wife have come to our house on Christmas day.  I love it.  

For Thanksgiving and Easter, we alternate years between my IL's and parents.  So last year, we were with my family for Thanksgiving, this year, we're traveling to the IL's house.  

DreamChaser246

We have a sort of different sutation, my parents are out of town (7 hours away) and we have a great relationship with them, ILs are 20 minutes away and we have major issues.

We see my parents about every other month or so, depending on if we go up or they come down. It is really hard with DH's schedule (he works every other weekend, is full time in school, working, etc). So it is really when there is a good excuse or event, or reason that they can come down. Sometimes it is three months between visits, sometimes it ends up being once a month, all depends on what is going on. Once every three months or so is about what it ends up being.

The IL's on the other hand, way too much. They're always planning stuff and expecting us to stop by. I know its only 20 minutes away (for the closest IL) but they generally plan the big events at a family memeber's house 45 minutes away, or every other weekend and its just too much. We've bailed from a lot of stuff, and it annoys them, but "just dropping by" is a lot of work when it takes up all of our free time on a weekend. That and we have serious issues with them, and it isn't relaxing to be there. I'm at the point where I need a massive break and space.

march2008

My dad lives in town and he likes to have us and my brother's family over to his house about once a month for a family dinner. Some months I only see him that one time and other months he'll stop for an hour to see DD. His wife does not get along with the majority of my family, so that's a big reason that we don't get to see my dad very often.

My IL's currently live about 3.5 hours away. They bring their travel trailer over with them and stay at a campground for a weekend at a time when they come. They've done that twice so far this year. We usually make it over to visit them for a weekend at a time twice per year.

We are moving across the country next month (from FL to WA) and we're only planning to fly back here once a year. We're hoping that our parents will each make a trip out to WA once a year as well so that we'll get to see each other twice a year. I've never used Skype, but I am planning to utilize that to keep in good contact with our parents.