Getting Started.... Totally Overwhelmed

faerieprincess87

So, when Hubby and I got married, we promised we wouldn't try having kids for 5 years. We were both young (I was 20) and we already had a "baby" of sorts- my grandmother who had raised me since I was 4 years old and was dying of cancer.

 After the wedding, hubs and I lived in grandma's house and I took care f her until her death just months before our second anniversary. The next year was pretty crazy, what with the legal issues involved (I was named executor of my grandmother's estate), moving into our own place, me changing jobs, and some severe family drama (dad detoxing after being a drug addict for decades, among other things). We needed time to have to ourselves, build up a foundation for our relationship, get connected to our local church (we're both Christians) and get some money saved up.

Well, anniversary #5 is right around the corner (October) and while I'm excited at the prospect of being a mommy, I'm also scared spitless. See, all my life, I expected grandma (who was for all intents and purposes, the person I most equate with being my "mom") to walk me through this process. She walked me through the biology of all of it, of course. But this is still something that women expect to have their "mothers" walk them through. At least, that's what I've seen.

I don't know where to start preparing, mentally or physically. My biological mother and I don't exactly have a great relationship. I see her from time to time at family functions and such. But we're not what you'd call "close".

 I guess I'm just completely lost in this whole thing. Or maybe just overthinking it. I dunno. Can you guys give me any advice on how to get started?

tiffanyandjason2012

Hi Welcome
First off I know how things can get crazy/scary the thought of having a baby. Me and my hubby are now starting. It's a little more difficult for me so I am starting Clomid/Provera to help start our family. First what any dr will tell you is to start taking a prenatal vitamin. But if your planning on starting to try get in contact with your ob/gyn and go from there. Hope this helps a little bit

J9bondgirl

I think you've found a great place to start: The Bump! There is a lot of good info here, or you can go to other websites, read books, etc. FWIW, I don't go to my mom about every question I have (still TTC). I have friends with babies, plus my SIL. You can talk to your MIL, I'm sure she'd love it. Any woman in your life that you respect, and admire her parenting style, would love to share her wisdom with you. Also, once you start talking "baby", you may end up meeting someone who is in the same boat as you. Possibly even some of your girlfriends without kids would be able to support/advise you through this. Just because grandma's not around, doesn't mean you can't do this! I'm sure she wouldn't want to be the reason you waited on babies. I hope that helps, and good luck to you!

PS: Try to enjoy this process...sounds like you've been through a lot recently.

faerieprincess87

J9bondgirl

Thanks. That is really encouraging. And even though I technically did wait to have kids because of grandma, I think she understood why. It's difficult being a "sandwich parent" (a parents taking care of their kids AND their parents, both of whom are usually in diapers simultaneously) as well as working outside the home. I seriously doubt I would have survived with my sanity intact.

I did talk to my MIL this morning (it's her birthday) about starting our family. It would be very complicated to get her involved, though. She lives a good 4 hours away and has a house full of teenagers (3 of them!!!), so she's pretty busy as it is.

I'm trying to connect with ladies in my church, but with my work schedule (hubby and I both work graveyard 4pm-1am) it's hard to get together with anyone. I see them on Sundays and not much else.

I don't need to go to someone with every single quesiton. I guess ever since grandma passed, I've lost my closest girlfriend and biggest support system. I feel kinda like I'm doing this whole thing alone.

Good luck with your conception. Praying you are blessed with a little bundle soon!

ottid123

First off, I'm inspired by the strength you must have just by your beginning post.  I think it's interesting that you wanted/expected to have a mother figure help you through.  Recently I mentioned to my own mother that my husband and I were going to start TTC.  My otherwise very composed and helpful mother got very awkward, as she always does about things like this.  I asked her why she was so awkward and distant and if she talked to her mom about it.  She said she didn't, but she read a lot of books.  I'm very open, but she is being very strange.  Anywho, I hope you find some support here.  I am hoping to do the same!

EmersonALK

Over thinking? Yes and no. TTC is a scary and crazy thing to experience. It will change your entire world and that is always going to be a scary thing to try and deal with, especially when you feel like you are going at it alone. But remember, even tho you don't have a strong female support system, you still have your guy. Man I am a very lucky girl to have my husband, if I ever express any of my worries about the baby or about my future mom skills he always does his research and gives me beautiful words of encouragement. So, I think that it is important to remember that the two of you are heading into this new world together, hand -in-hand, if you will. 

Also...I thank the heavens for the internet and books. Forums like these can really get you the help and opinions of other women going through the same thing...or the veterans who have mastered the child birthing experience.

I also watched a lot of documentaries and talked to my best gal pal who is a mother of two now, and my cousin who is a mother of 3. I know that I am lucky in the sense that i have a big family (of many cousins) spread out all over the place and i generally ask for help and ideas from everyone on Facebook. You could utilize this site in the same way or another site as well.

From the sounds of thing you are a seriously strong woman and I believe that, just from that, you will be great at this mom thing!

Just remember that not everything has to be done face-to-face as far as support and questioning, over the phone, texts, internet, video chat...these days the limits of communication and information are endless. Try to get your husband more involved in your concerns and even tho he is no grandma, i bet he will do great as well.

Ok, that being said, the very first thing that you should do when TTC is get on some prenatal vitamins. Keep in mind, that the gummy ones taste great but have no iron in them because they appeal to kids and they can overdose on iron. And you will be needing iron. Call your doc and she will be able to tell you what to do as well. I downloaded the free Android app called "Get Baby" it tracks my cycles and helps me to determine the best days to try. I have always been severely regular with my cycles, so I didn't have to worry much about it being off by much. It was almost always right as far as days that I would start my period and everything..and hey after only 3 months of trying we got it. So it can't be that bad. However, if you aren't all that regular in your cycle, it may be a good idea to purchase an ovulation test (can be found at the grocery store or drug stores) and those will help to determine the right times to try.

Mainly, keep a calendar (like the app I used) to keep track of your cycles. Test if you need to to see when you are ovulating, and get on your prenatals. The rest, as they say, is up to God.

I wish you the best of luck on your efforts!! And I hope that life gives you some real peace and happiness! 

 

faerieprincess87

Thanks for the encouragement. I know hubby is here, too. And he's a great guy. A fantastic guy. But he doesn't know what he's doing either. We're flying blind here.

But I am going to start with the vitamins. I can swallow pills, so gummies aren't necessary. And I did get a book that I'm looking forward to reading. I'm ridiculously irregular, so I have a tracking app that I've been using for a while mostly because whenever I had an MD visit and they ask my LMP, I would always respond with "I have no idea." Got tired of that, so I've been tracking for about 6 months now, just for my sanity's sake.

I'm definitely hoping to find some support on these forums. I work crazy late hours, so it's not like I can get together with my girlfriends over dinner for stuff like this. That's the great thing about the web, it's 24/7!

And yes, it's totally up to God. I'm just a psychotic perfectionist who likes being prepared for EVERYTHING. I know life doesn't really work that way, but it's kinda an addiction that's hard to shake. I think kids will cure me of that REAL fast.

Thanks again!