Hypnobirth longings unsupported

melissascarfone

Everyone around me is "unsupportive" of my hypnobirthing longings.  It's really hard to stay true to myself as they all say "dont be a martyr", labor is painful don't bother, and my mom in front of 10 people over for dinner mocked me for even wanting it saying I didn't know what I was getting into.  I'm so annoyed.

Mrs.A&J

I'm sorry you don't have the support you're looking for from those close to you. What does your partner say? Maybe you should consider a doula? 

poison489

Maybe get a doula to have someone on your side and to support you during labor.  There are a lot of doula's that are hypnobirth trained.  Even if you think it isn't in your budget, it may be good to find a student doula.  I have one volunteering her time for the training hours, and she is completing the hypnobirthing training just 2 weeks before I am due.  Tune everyone else out and go for your own perfect birth.

KateLouise

It sucks that people are down on your plans for birth, but sometimes you need to work out who you can have helpful conversations with and stop discussing birth plans with the others.

Is your partner on board? Are you working with a mw or OB? are they on board?  

I agree with pp that a doula could be a great help.

 

Jcrab

Seriously don't listen to them! My hypnobirth was amazing! It was intense during the end of transition but I wouldn't even say painful. I never thought I couldn't do it or wanted meds! I would do it again in a heart beat, although our family is probably complete and it makes me very sad to not be able to go natural again. I am proud to share my experience with others and let them know it doesn't have to be pain / agony / scary. Listen to the birth affirmations and believe, you CAN do this and it will be so amazingly worth it!

sbevmc09

I'm sorry you're getting negative feedback and I hope that at least your support person is on your side!

Unfortunately, I agree with PP who said sometimes you just have to abstain from discussing the topic with some people.  More of than not people just don't understand the reasons why people would want an unmedicated birth and exactly what these theories are that help you achieve that.  It's hard to discuss it with someone who is uneducated yet has a strong opinion against it.  

If I were you I would have told my mother that her response is very disrespectful to you and that if she isn't interested in opening her mind a bit on the topic then it will no longer be discussed with her because it's really none of her business in the first place.  

ekendall09

Im experiencing the same things.  While my mother supports the idea and is interested to know more about it, my MIL and FIL laughed in my face about it.   I was so angry.  I'm trying to do something for myself and for someone to be like don't bother and laugh in my face is just rude. 

 Either way I plan to go to hypnobirthing class and we will not be having any of the unsupportive family in the room for the birth so that will help also! good luck and hang in there!

jelly0822

I would agree that relying on a doula would probably help a lot. This is the main reason (besides wanting someone to help us with not getting interventions) that I wanted a doula. And this is the exact reason that I'm not discussing any birth plans or even having a doula with anyone else. People share all kinds of opinions that they think are rooted in fact around this time, but they're just rooted in bias and prejudice. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you really want for your experience.

wannabigfam

Sorry to say but I doubt this will change throughout your pregnancy.  It's unfortunate :-(  All I heard my whole pregnancy w/ my first is "oh you'll be begging for the epidural" etc etc etc.  After I had an unmedicated vaginal childbirth that was virtually pain free, they all shut up :-)  This pregnancy, I've gotten less negative comments...but I still have had a few "oh, well you just lucked out last time - just wait" type comments.  Horrible, huh?

My advice is to let those negative comments be part of what drives you throughout your pregnancy and labor.  If you get in a moment where you are doubting your abilities, push through it to prove people wrong :-)  

In general, I didn't make a big deal out of my plans to go natural - mostly because if something happened and I didn't ge tthe birth I wanted, I didn't want people throwing it in my face saying "see, told you so".  Instead if asked, I matter-of-factly explained my plans...explained why I wanted to do it natural in a few sentences if asked, and left it at that.  You should see the look on my MIL's face when I calmly explained that no, I would NOT have to deliver flat on my back and would instead squat the baby out :-)  

Anyway, ignore the nay-sayers, use their negative energy to power forward, and do your own thing.  Also, it might be a good idea to go ahead and plan on limiting the relatives you invite to the hospital.  We didn't even tell anyone when we were in labor - we called after baby was born - because we didn't want ANY negative energy following us to the hospital.  Hynobabies (and Bradley method) talk a lot about the importance of surrounding yourself with supportive people - even having someone who doubts your ability in the waiting room is NOT a good idea.   

wannabigfam

I also wanted to add that I think people are so unsupportive because most women have NOT had a natural birth.  Therefore, I think the idea that one person could deliver a child without medication or interventions, while another person needed medications, makes them "self doubt" their own abilities.  So it's like a defense mechanism (even if it's subconscious) to undermine a person's plans to go natural.

 This is just the start of a life-time of people challenging you on your parenting decisions.  Cry it out vs. not, co-sleeping, organic baby food, bottle vs breast, when to start preschool, cloth diapering vs. not...EVERYONE has an opinion.  You just got to do your own thing and rock it while you do it :-)