I need advice...

CatchingFireflies

Hi everyone

This is my second pregnancy. My first pregnancy, I was in high school. I remember when I took the pregnancy test, I immediately felt a bond... I loved this child at just 5 weeks. I would do anything for him. And I did. The dad was very supportive, but we were so young and grew into different people... we broke up after an 8 year relationship.

However, now I am 25 and living on my own, with my own business and I just found out I am pregnant again.

This time, I feel nothing. I don't feel pregnant. My stomach is already starting to bloat a little and I've been having plenty other pregnancy symptoms... but I just don't have any emotional attachment to the baby inside me. I almost feel like there's nothing really there.

When I told the father I was pregnant, he became very angry, accused me of lying to get attention, and we didn't talk for a week until I showed up at his work with a doctors note.

I really want this "nothing" feeling to go away. I don't know if its because of the fathers reaction or what it could be... but I am feeling very guilty regardless...

supermansmommy

Pregnancy is a huge life change for anyone at any stage in their life. It's understandable that an unplanned or inconvenient pregnancy might make you feel a little out of touch with the whole thing. It's normal and it might take a little while to get with the program. I don't think it means you don't want the baby, I think you just might be processing it and since you're at a different point in your life with other priorities and goals there are other things to distract you.

 

Another thing worth mentioning is that prenatal depression could be a possibility. I didn't know about it when I was pregnant, but I think I suffered from it. Like you, I felt detached from the experience, once I got past that and then  postpartum depression I was able to bond with my son and things are great now.

https://www.babycenter.com/0_depression-during-pregnancy_9179.bc

FyreFlyeRush

I could have written this. It takes time. My pregnancy was full of negative drama and threats and name calling and accusations. I think that kept me from bonding with my pregnancy.

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant with my beautiful daughter. I was instantly in love. My ex dumped me three days later. I didn't care. We fought over money. He told me to terminate. He asked me to put her up for adoption. His ex wife said I'd never be able to raise her because I was nothing. I didn't care. I loved my baby. I loved my pregnancy. And I was in heaven.

I was 34 when I became pregnant with my son. I felt nothing but dismay. I thought about termination. But, couldn't. I thought about adoption, but hated the thought of him being raised by his father more. I was told I'd miscarry, and cried in relief. Then felt instantly guilty. I didn't want another baby. No... I didn't want HIS baby. I didn't want to be tied to this man for the rest of my life. That settled it. I called Planned Parenthood and made an appt. I didn't show up.

When I told my mom I felt trapped, miserable, angry, betrayed... That I didn't feel anything for my baby, she told me to have a turkey sandwich and a glass of wine. I was horrified! I said, "I'm pregnant!!! I can't do that!!!" and she said, "You love this baby. It's the pregnancy abd situation you have an issue with." She was right.

I never loved being pregnant with him. I never got excited until the very end. I never felt more than blah about it. But, I started bleeding, and panicked. I had an amnio, and panicked. He didn't move and I panicked. His heartbeat vanished in labor, and I panicked. He didn't cry when he was born, and I panicked. They placed him in my arms, and I said, "Hey there, I've been waiting to tell you I love you."

Two and half months later, I still hate the situation. But, I love my little hippo more than I ever thought possible. The fact you feel guilty says you care about the baby. You just aren't happy with the circumstances. Don't bottle it up. It's completely normal and natural to not be overjoyed by it. Talk to someone, and give it time.

fauxshelley

How far along are you?  If you are in your first trimester, you still have the option to terminate.  Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about what ever you decide.  Your body, your decision, you have to live with your choices, no one else.  Good luck!

mamastich

Im sure the fact that you have so much going on is a factor but just fyi I NEVER felt connected to my pregnancy, I knew there was a baby and that  it was interesting but I dont think I felt bonded until she was out, and its been a bonding process ever since. Not everyone feels the same feelings and I would not stress on it!