When do you know it's time to adopt?

horseyk2001

Hi there, this is my first time posting on this board.  Thanks in advance for any responses! 

My main question is how do I know when to give up TTC and time to pursue adoption? We've been TTC for over a yr now and nothing.  Been on Chlomid and what not but nothing.  Going to the dr. tomorrow to talk about other options.  I guess I'm just not sure where to cross the line, how much torture do I put my body through and how much more time do we want to try?  What was the thing that made you guys know adoption was for you and how long did you TTC before that? 

Thanks again!

horseyk2001

thanks so much, you're so kind!

Dr.Loretta

IMO this is a personal decision and there is no set time that everyone can say, "Now we look at adoption."

From our personal experience, we TTC'd and went through treatments (and 3 m/c's) over a 3-year period before turning to adoption. I was probably ready to adopt around the 18 month-2 year mark, but it took DH another 6 months after me to become comfortable with his questions and concerns about the process.

While I was in treatment, i did suggest we have a timeline where we would start seriously looking at adoption if treatment wasn't working.

It may be a gradual thing for you, or it may be an a-ha moment. And some agencies will let you TTC while going through the process, so that's an option as well.

Rachel Sonnier

That is a very personal decision and it can range anywhere from not doing any treatments at all, to continuing treatments while pursuing adoption (some agencies allow this and some don't). I don't think there is any hard and fast rule for when to decide to pursue adoption and how much time, energy, $$ and emotions you feel like pouring into IF treatments.

For my H and myself, we had a certain "level" of treatment that we both agreed that we felt comfortable with, and when things didn't work at that level we decided it was time to move on. And actually, because of the particular issues I have with my reproductive system, while we were doing the agreed upon treatments, neither one of us really felt comfortable with the risk that was involved anyway. By that time we were really disenchanted with IF and had both really had enough. We had looked into adoption years ago, so we decided to revisit that option and do some research.

I have friends who are happily willing to exhaust every possible option to get pregnant. I have another who found out that they had IF issues in the 2nd year they were married, and decided to adopt at that point, never pursuing any medical interventions. Everyone is different, and its possible that you and your partner may not decide that you are ready for adoption at the same time.

Good luck!! I hope things work out for you guys, and welcome! :-)

Amyaggie97

It's hard to decide what to do especially since dealing with IF treatments seems to enhance all the emotions involved.  For us, we were going to do IVF but after my surgery last year that ended up removing one of my ovaries, I have become very DOR and a very poor responder.  So it became a discussion of finances and the odds of IVF v. adoption.  We had talked about adoption a lot throughout the whole process but it just became clear to us that this is the route for us.

DaisyZH

That is a difficult question and it's very personal to each individual or couple.  We have always been interested in adoption since before we were married.  After our first miscarriage we agreed that if we had another we would move on to adoption.  We had our DS and then a second miscarriage.  At that point I felt since we had DS that it was reasonable to think it was a fluke and try again.  After our third we felt very strongly that it was time to stop - it was just so painful.  We did not start testing because it is quite expensive and not covered by our insurance. 

Everyone is different and I think the biggest thing is to give yourself time and go with your heart.  If you really can't decide you could also make a pro/con list to kind of help you to really visually see how you are feeling about each path.

Julie721

Like PPs have said, it is a very personal decision and depends a lot on where your heart is, what you are comfortable with, etc.

Our decision was somewhat emotional, majorly spiritual and also very analytical. I will explain the analytical part so it makes sense. Financially, it made sense to try IF treatment before adoption because we had great insurance coverage. But even at that point, biological children weren't that big of a deal to us (we had already been trying for over a year and had done multiple rounds of clomid).

We decided we were only okay with IUIs and injectables after doing the research, so then I looked up the stats as far as the effectiveness of that treatment over multiple rounds and found studeies that said the biggest percentage of positives happen within X-number of rounds. We set our limit at that number and did that many. That said, the last two rounds we were so ready for adoption and felt so called to adoption that we both felt like we were doing the final IF treatments for "good measure" rather than really thinking it was how God was going to grow our family.

GL and HTH! 

Geauxmama11

Making the decision to adopt will come to each couple differently. DH & I ttc for about 18mths; during that time I had one ovary removed due to abdominal adhesions, went through 5 rounds of Clomid & 1 iui.  DH wanted to do ivf in February 2013, but I was feeling pulled towards adoption. I saw an article in the paper about a need for foster homes in our area; DH agreed to go to the informational meeting & we are now on the path to foster-adopt. I'm very excited & thankful that DH & I are on the same page. I would say that this has been a very faith based decision for me; I truly feel that God is calling me to foster & provide a nurturing, loving & stable environment for children in need. I also believe that we will grow our family through this process & have the opportunity to adopt through fostering when God sees fit. Best wishes to you & your family:)

Art Teacher

We went through IF treatments (4 IUIs and 3 IVFs)  and had decided we were done - emotionally/physically.  We had looked into adoption at the same time we decided to try our first IVF.  We knew that was the route we wanted to go if IVF didn't work for us.  After the 3rd IVF we could have tried using donor eggs but it was a risk we didn't want to take. We decided to move towards adoption and it just felt right.  Like we could get excited and be hopeful -- we just knew it was time. 

I think you guys will know if you're to that point - it's different for everyone.

horseyk2001

wow guys, thanks for all of the great responses, it was very helpful!  we have made a plan of some sorts at least now after talking to a new dr. today!  She is much more hopeful for us having a baby and trying some new things, so after a few times if that doesn't work, we'll try the next step and if that doesn't work we've decided not to go as far as IVF but to adopt instead if it comes to that.  Just glad I found a dr. now that is understanding and willing to try something other then just clomid constantly! 

c&dwaiting4ourmiracle

I agree with the PP's. It is a personal decision. Wishing you the best and good luck with whatever decision you come to.