I think i made a huge mistake..

kneenah1231

Ive been on this site since i was 3wks pregnant.. I dont really post things i just read what i can relate to and reply to somethings. This time i really need some words from your ladies.. My story.. I was dx with PCOS yrs ago.. never came out pregnant until i met my current boyfriend who is the light of my eyes. We did 3 rounds of clomid last year and got our BFP but sadly mc at 8wks... We gave time to heal then tried again. First round of clomid 100mg bfp... I made it up to 21wks 1day until yesterday. rewind a little before i explain what happen yesterday.. starting at 18 weeks or earlier i was complaining to my High risk dr my panties were wet by the time i mad it home from work. I am a receptionist. She said it was discharge even after i told her it was watery. I later started to notice i was peeing alot with out even consuming liquid told her, she cked for uti. Then 20wk 5days had my a/s, its a boy yayay.. went on a long weekend trip came back complaining of pressure on my pelvic. Monday I made 21wks. i started to get back pain and threw up my food, that night i had braxton hicks for 3 hrs 30mins apart. 21wks 1days which was tuesday i was still getting tons of pressure and left my job early bcause of back pain. I called the dr she told me since i am 21wks i should go to the hospital before i called her i was intending to go anyway. When i got to the hospital they cked my fluid it was good but when they cked my cervix i was 4cm open and my sac was bulging. They gave me a few options i can wait at the hospital to try and make it to 23wk and 5days they will give me steriods and mature the babys lungs and see how far i can hold, but if i get an infection before then doesnt matter how far along i am they taking the baby out or i can induce.. the hubby and i took about 4 or 5 hrs and thought he left wait it out because had i not come into the hospital i would have been home and who knows how far i would have made it.. so they put us in a reg room.. my boss came to see me who is a dr the hospital. He spoke to my attending ob and was told that all they were waiting for was for me to get an infection any moment thats how bad my situation was. He suggested i induced knowing the baby wouldnt survive because the lungs werent developed. The risk of me getting an infection and possibly scaring my uterus or lossing it was higher then my babys chance to live. They also told me if i do make it do 23wks my baby can have brain damage or other defects. i didnt want that life for my baby so we went with induction..It procedure lasting about 8 hrs. I was given epi and didnt even know my water broke and my baby was sitting in btw my legs until the dr came in to ck my cervix. I was able to hold my baby boy. I just got home and have been reading so many successful stories and micro premies that i now feel i may have made the wrong choice. I am absolutely broken inside.. I come home with a memory box instead of hope my baby makes it thru nicu.. The discharge papers say it was PROM but doesnt give a reason why. In two weeks i have a appt with a new high risk dr she was actually chairman of the ob department in the hospital i have tons of questions... Anyone with a micr premie can give me their success stories so i can keep in mind for next time.. 

ijustcantthinkrightnow

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I too had pPROM. From what I understand it doesn't automatically mean you will have a premature birth with your next pregnancy. You may also want to post on the Loss board and when the time is right TTC after a Loss. 

 There are lots of things that can be done to help you make it to full term next time, and I hope you get a lot of answers from your doctor soon.

 

ppants

I don't have micro preemie advice, but I'm sorry for your loss. There is a loss board for women who have late losses. Maybe you can find some comfort there. ((HUGS))

ijustcantthinkrightnow

I also wanted to say, please try to be gentle on your self right now too. I am sure you made the best choice for you and your baby with the information you were given. That could not have been an easy choice. 

kneenah1231

Thank sooo much.. positive replies mean the world to me right now.... I also posted on loss board hoping someone can teach me how to cope.. I dont know how ppl recover but i know its possible.. I am such a strong woman i surprise myself.. My little boy is a angel now and watching over me and his daddy.. wow who would have thought those words would have came out of me.. :0/  thanks again...

katie4253

Please please be gentle with yourself.  I am so sorry for your loss.  You were given a terrible choice to make.  It is very easy to question our choices in these types of difficult times.  I hope you are able to lean on your support system right now.  The loss board may help you, not that you aren't welcome to be here.  But, it make make it harder for you.  You know?  Huge hugs to you. 

kck329

I am so so sorry for your loss. It seems as if you made the best decision for your situation with the information you were given. I hope you can find some peace ith that in time. I echo what a few PPs said about the Loss board, you are very welcome to keep posting here but I don't want this board to become a "what if" scenario that keeps hurting you over and over again.

urbanflowerpot

You are in my prayers...

haziedaze

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a very difficult choice and you did what was right for you, your family, and your situation. I had a lot of guilt after my d&c with my first pregnancy. There are always the what ifs. Thinking about you...

CTbride79

I have no advice regarding micro preemies, but just want to say I am so sorry for your loss. 

adrielegorburu

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I am the mother of a micro preemie. But I wont tell you our story, every baby is different, every situation is different. be gentle with yourself.

jcsntms06

I'm so sorry for your loss.

lwmooney87

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the feelings you must be feeling right now. Be gentle on yourself. You did what you felt was right with the advice you were given. There are always "what-ifs". I still think back on my pregnancy and say "what if I had done this...?" but it doesn't do any good; it just hurts you more. You're in my prayers.

pathfindermon

I'm so sorry for your loss!  You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Medtwin

You made the best decision at the time, with the information you received from the 'professionals'.. that's the way to look at it. I'm sorry for your loss.. I'm sad that you have to go thru this. It's very sad.. and maybe wasn't handled so well with those professionals.. maybe in a few weeks really talk to a/the ob that gave you information.. so you can feel a little better..

LnR70707

Didn't have a micro, but I just want to say how very sorry I am.  Please check out the loss boards, they are a wonderful group of women.