Mom's who DON'T get along with their own mothers

Amy&Anthony

I am taking a very short maternity leave; and planned to have my mother stay with me for 8 weeks untill  DD will be able to go to our caregiver 3 with me WFH and 5 on her own ( My DCP asked I start this baby at 12 weeks instead of 10 like my son). 

My mom and I have never been especially close (she is the queen of the backhanded compliment , things like "those pants don't make you look fat AT ALL" , constantly questions my judgement and actions, and she has an amazing way of assuming the worst of me.  I have a husband, a son, a degree and a full time job, and last time I checked I was neither mentally defective nor a crack head so why be so difficult?

 My basic thought has been be greatful its only costing you a plane ticket and think of all the people who don't have this as an option, like DH for example.  Today I became so aggravated with her over the phone, that it is making me reconsider this whole arrangement, and looking at hiring an outside nanny (which frankly terrifies me) just to keep the peace in my own mind and sanity.

 - if I am so annoyed with them already how is it going to be  when I am grappling a new born, and back to work guilt and the like, would it maybe be better to investigate some sort of alternative?

KathrynMD

I get along w/ my mom OK and I'd still wouldn't have her stay w/ me for 8 weeks.  No way.

When are you going to go back to work?

Syncronicity09

I couldnt spend and entire day with my Mom, let alone 8 weeks. She did watch my son from 2 months until he was about 5 months one day a week. But I didn't have to be around her, and she watched him at my sisters house, so I am guessing my sister did most of the work.

 

reb562

I don't get along well with my mom, but it's OK.   I would only do it, if I knew I wouldn't be home most of the day.  If I had to deal with her day & night...yea, I wouldn't last 8 weeks much less a week.  But if If I only would see her at night per se...I would suck it up.

Amy&Anthony

for three weeks I will be working from home, and then the next four weeks I will be back at the office. I am seriously confounded

Syncronicity09

Amy&Anthony:

for three weeks I will be working from home, and then the next four weeks I will be back at the office. I am seriously confounded

Can you manage to avoid her while doing work at home? If you can I would consider it.

Syncronicity09

::Bump Burp::

Pesky

For your WFH period, I seriously would consider going to work at the library, Starbucks, anywhere but home.  My mom can be a bit like that and there is NO.WAY. I'd have her there for 8 wks.  If I had to be in close proximity and trying to WFH, I know she'd bug the crap out of me.  Otherwise, I'd just start your countdown and repeat "only X more days to go".  Put money in a jar daily to remind yourself how much you are saving.  Also, maybe revisit with your DCP about starting at 10 wks or even 11 wks.  That week shaved off could be a sanity-saver.  Ultimately, if you think it will truly drive you BSC, I would consider investigating some other alternative.

MammaBear81

I had to have my mom watch the kids for me for almost 3 months (while I was at work mind you) and she drove me up a wall.  I couldn't imagine having her in my house while I was on leave!  I LOVE my mother, and she's a great "back up" for those rare times we need her, but on a daily basis, NO.

kacelle

I didn't get along with my mother at all when DD was born.  She drove the 4 hours to meet DD in the hospital and drove the 4 hours back when we went home from the hospital.  I cannot imagine her having stayed a week, much less 8 weeks.  

mrsseguin

My mom and I aren't super close, but also don't have a bad relationship.  I would go crazy being with her for 8 weeks.  I'd find other arrangements.  It probably sounded good at the time, but when you really think about it, I think there will be MANY issues that come up.

wac0419

Personally I couldnt't do it - not even for a day.  If she's already driving you this crazy, are you going to be able to put up with it for 8 weeks?

LoCarb

I don't get along well with my mom and our relationship works best w/ distance btwn us. That said there is no way I could have her stay for an extended period of time. I declined her offer to visit after DD2 was born b/c she would be in the way and I didn't want to argue the entire time.

You are an experienced mom, so I would only look for alternative care during the period you WFH.

honeybee111

My mom and I are very close and we get along great, but I still wouldn't have her come stay with us for 8 weeks.  If you're dealing with just giving birth, a newborn, and returning to work, I don't think you need the additional stress of your mom. 

MirandaHobbes

My mom sounds about as irritating as yours, but we manage to keep it civil when we visit, and can sit and chat and such. I couldn't have her living in my house for 8 weeks though. If she were just coming over to watch DS that would be different. What type of situation do you have at your house? Is there like a MIL apt where she could do her own thing, or is she going to be eating with you, doing things on the weekend, etc? I'm assuming she won't have a car since she's flying in? Ew, I say. Ew. My mom once stayed with me for a week to watch DS but she made herself scarce when I got home- she'd leave and go shopping and often ate by herself.

All that said- I can't imagine hiring a nanny for 8 weeks, either. If cost isn't a concern, I'd probably go with an agency or something. If the cost is too much, you may have to suck it up and let Grama come.

seahorse102410

You must get along with her somewhat well if she has offered to help you for 8 weeks.  I would say I am very close to my mom and talk to her just about every day but there is no way she would help me for 8 days!  I think I got about 4 days from her when I had a baby, that was it!

BuckeyeNut05

My situation was slightly different, but my husband's parents came to stay with me to "help" because my husband was scheduled to be in Europe when our girls were born, and I figured that their help would be better than having twin girls, alone, that were our first children. WRONG. His mom was great, but every single source of stress I had was due to his jerk of a father. So, I would seriously think about if you can handle it, because in hindsight I would have rather been alone than annoyed, angry and miseable.

CrazyToast

My mom and I have our own issues...and there's no way I'd spend 8 weeks in the same house.  5 days is a max for me.