Need to vent

shellyamf

I've not been in "the mood" for the last month or so what with m/s which hits hard in the evenings.  I was feeling sorry for my husband not getting any but this last week or two he's been super cranky.  I'm sure it's partially the no sex thing, but his attitude is not putting me in the mood.  I've finally been feeling better this week but somehow he manages to piss me off almost every night.  I know part of it is probably my hormones, but would it hurt him to help out?  

He's home by three most days while I don't get home until six.  Does he figure out dinner since he knows I don't feel like cooking when I get home due to being car sick.  Nope, he asks me "What's for dinner?"  And yes I've mentioned to him that it's the last thing I want to do.  I've even asked him to make dinner.  Yeah, didn't work.  House needs cleaned, trash needs taken out, cat puking a lot and needs to go to the vet.  Nope, I get to do all that.   It feels like he's rebelling or something.  I've asked him how he's feeling about the whole baby thing.  He says he's happy and excited.  Yes we were planning and trying so it's not like it was a surprise.  I guess we're both still adjusting to the thought of being parents since this is our first. It's just really frustrating because when I try to talk to him he gets even more cranky.

Sorry that was kind of long. /end vent

SQuaid

My dh is the same way sometimes. He is usually sleeping on the couch when I stumble in from work.  We also have 2 dogs and 3 kids (2 living with us most of the time).  I just had a little sit down with him and explained how this wasn't going to work and I promised him that I would meal plan and leave the notes out.  That seemed to help.  He really doesn't not want to help, I am sure but he probably doesn't know what you want.  I am also very, very picky these days and he would rather not make something I am not going to eat. It will get better!!

aeb20

That does sound really frustrating! My only advice would be try to keep communicating and try to stress to him the importance of both of you sharing how you each are feeling AND the importance of him needing to be supportive, understanding and helpful.

Maybe you could get him a little book for Dads to be or something. My husband picked up one of my pregnancy magazines the other day and I guess there was a section in it for dads to be , anyways he was telling me how the whole article basically was telling the husband how he needs to patient, attentive, more helpful and understanding when it comes to sex, needing extra help around the house and how sensitive we are about all of the changes going on in our bodies.  Anyways I think the article was really helpful for him to hear those things from someone other than just me.  

Le Olive

Has he always skipped out on the chores, or is this new?

I haven't felt like cooking much, either, and my H is a little clueless/unmotivated in that area. I also barely eat at night. So I prepped 12 meals, put them in freezer bags, and wrote the directions on the outside of the bag. It took me about 2 hours, and now we have easy dinners that just need to be thrown in the crock pot in the afternoon.

shellyamf

Thanks.  I'll have to try the book thing.  I've been trying to let him know without being crazy hormonal how I'm feeling or when I'd love some extra help.  He was never big on helping with certain chores before but he was definitely more helpful.  I've never seen him dust but he would vacuum, do some laundry, load the dishwasher, ect.  I was actually so happy he at least did the dishes the other day.  When I notice, I tell him thanks.  The dinner thing has just really been getting on my nerves.  It helps to remember that most of what he wants to eat I can't have due to not liking it currently or indigestion.  I keep telling him to make what he wants and I'll forage for something like a sandwich.  It just kind of felt like I was talking to a brick wall this week.  It could be he's just clueless. 

Sparkles01

That sucks- I'm sorry.  My husband and I have always had a pretty even divide in the chores, which we still have.  I kind of wish he'd do a little extra now that I'm growing a baby and all, but I also haven't asked. 

And I feel you about not being in the mood- I haven't really been at all, but make an effort for at least once a week, if not more. 

onlymeggan

When I was pregnant with our son my DH found "daddy boot camp" at the hospital where we had the baby.  He signed himself up and actually spent his day off/his birthday at daddy boot camp.  It made him feel more confident about being a dad and it also gave him tips on how to help me emotionally and physically.  Like the PP said it was so awesome when he would say "Well in boot camp they said___"  Basically, they have a couple dads from previous camps bring in their new babies and let the soon to be dad's practice.  They get a book and some other info to bring him for reference.  You may look into that for him.  He needs to realize he has to step up and help now because you're really going to need him when there's a baby.  It's a team effort for sure and he needs to get into the groove.

songs4drowning

That does sound really irritating. DH is pretty clueless when it comes to cooking and housework. He asks me what to do every step of the way, and I find it's less annoying to just do it myself. M/S made me not feel in the mood too, but I had actually got him a toy a while back at a Pure Romance party and gave it to him when the nausea hit and I just couldn't be intimate anymore. Mostly he's fine with cuddling but I haven't had any complaints so far when he tries to get frisky and I just make a face and point at our nightstand drawer, lol.

Onlymeggan mentioned a daddy boot camp. You should have him look into that! Our hospital also does a dad-taught, for dads-to-be only class too. I've heard a lot of good things about it, and DH is considering doing it, even though he's pretty confident with all the newborn stuff as he's an LPN and did a good deal of his clinicals in pediatrics.