How would you feel...(kinda NBR)

ccip82

DH told me this week he could possibly be on an oil rig in the North Sea for almost the entire month of December- causing him to most likely miss DDs first birthday and Christmas...leaving us alone for the holidays. I got upset and cried a bit and asked if he really had to go...

His response was that as much as he wants to spend her birthday and holidays with us, this project is huge and they need him out there. He needs to be there as they add the product that he developed over the past couple years to the oil well. This has been his "second baby" and finding someone to go while not impossible, would be difficult because of DHs background knowledge.

Would you let it go or  make a bigger deal? Part of me is still so upset, but I think it's more  because of the fact I am "alone" here in Scotland. This is also probably a vent on my part too...

Thanks for listening and any advice. 

brookie9

Hugs!!! That does sound lonely. I couldn't imagine spending the holidays alone in a different country especially. I would cry too but in the end I think I would have him go and plan to celebrate officially when he returned. Hang in there lady!

lovetoknit26

Ugh, I'm so sorry this is a possibility.  I completely understand your point of view and wouldn't want to be alone for the holidays either - I think that is really the bigger deal than him being gone for a month.  My DH is also very focused on his work, and wouldn't think twice about going if he were in the same situation.  I think men can just set aside the emotional parts of these decisions much easier than we can. 

 Is there any way that some of your family can come visit in Scotland during this time?  Have you made any friends there yet?  Maybe by December you'll have invitations to celebrate the holidays with friends? 

I have an issue with "worst-case scenario" syndrome, and I always build up things to be worse in my head than they actually turn out to be.  Your particular situation does really suck, but I guess try to look at it positively and not expect it to be horrible?  Good luck - I know how hard that can be!! 

laken256

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I don't blame you for making a big stink of it. I've done the same thing, as dh's jobs have taken him away from us during important times. The year before last ds1's first Christmas, dh was away doing storm work he builds electric lines as his civilian job and has to leave frequently, whenever there is any type of power damage due to weather anywhere in the US. I was so broken hearted. This past May, he was away on duty with the military and missed ds1's birthday. We had to have the party 2 weeks early to compensate so he could be there, and he was gone for a month. It really sucks not having him here, but sometimes, things don't go as planned. I don't blame you for being upset, but I'm sure he isn't happy about it either, and if it cant be helped, I think nagging him would just make him feel even worse. At least, it did with ours. I was so upset that dh was missing Christmas that I took it out on him when he couldn't help it. I found out later, by my dad who is his boss, that he spent Christmas day trying to choke back tears in his eyes in front of the other men every time someone mentioned it. I felt awful that I was so hateful to him, bc he didn't want to be there either, but had no choice. It was either stay, or lose his job the company doesn't look favorably on the men not going on storms. Again, I'm sorry bc I know its horrible, but if it can't be helped, I wouldnt push it.

alieb82

What a not fun situation you're in right now, I'm sorry.  DH is the head Project Manager for a large construction company, and his job often has him working nights and weekends on a very last-minute schedule.  Just as an example...After he was born, we brought DS home from the hospital at 12pm, and DH has to work THAT DAY from 2pm-2am.  For the first three weeks of DS's life, DH was working 2pm-2am Monday through Friday and then on the weekends as well.  I can understand what you're feeling because I know how hard this was for me, and you are potentially going to be put into an even harder situation with your DH being completely gone for the whole month.  I get frustrated from time to time, and then DH reminds me that he's working hard to take care of us and that he'd much rather be home with his family than on the job.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to have him away for the holidays or DS's birthday, but it's got to be a hundred times harder for him.  I think making a bigger deal out of it is just going to make him feel worse.  Sorry you have to go through this

Leap08

That stinks. My husband misses a lot of summer events because of his job (forest service firefighter). We rarely celebrate 4th of July together or Labor Day (my birthday). I know that's not the same as Christmas, though. We intentionally tried for winter babies because he wanted to be home for their births and future birthdays.

I don't think I'd make a bigger stink about it. I think that, in the end, that will just end up making both of you feel worse about it. I do think I'd start trying to plan something so that it doesn't end up being just the two of you alone and lonely. Can you plan to have some family or friends come to visit? Or can you try to plan a trip home? 

browneyedgoil

that really stinks. is there anyway that some one from your family could come spend the holidays with you? i'm surprised that family members aren't jumping at the chance for free room & board in another country.

my DH travels a lot for work & it is very frustrating but he is never gone for more than a week at a time. i can't even imagine a month. i think men see working as "taking care of their family". my DH and I have gotten into several arguments about this b/c i feel like he is never around for our DD b/c he works so much. i think he takes it ultra personally when i hound him about it b/c he feels a little guilty but at the same time he works hard to give us a good life & one where i can stay home. also, i feel that men sometimes have their job as a huge part of their identity & self esteem, whereas for women it's usually just a part of who they are. 

i would try not to bring it up more b/c it might cause some tension. easier said than done though i know 

 

ccip82

Thank you ladies for making me feel better. I know DH feels bad about it and making a larger deal would make him feel worse. That's a great idea to see if family could visit! I have not met any friends here yet. I appreciate all your responses  

cookinitup

Is there no way that he could come back for a weekend visit and you could celebrate birthday and holidays all at once??

ccip82

cookinitup:

Is there no way that he could come back for a weekend visit and you could celebrate birthday and holidays all at once??

No, he has to take a helicopter out there and his company won't pay to fly him back until he's done. We had a good conversation about the trip tonight. We might fly my mom or one of his parents out here for part of the time. 

I think I was upset because the trip and it's timing took me by surprise. It made me feel a lot better just to vent with you all. It's not ideal having him gone over the holidays and DDs first birthday, but people have it a lot worse. 

heatherjh

Hugs. It's better to just not make a big deal about it. It's part of his job and to keep being upset about it will make it harder for him to do his job and it affords you and your family amazing expierences abroad. SO is in the military, so we're used to seperations so it's not an issue for us, sacrifice is part of the package. I know it's hard to be in a strange place, but try to make amazing memories with your daughter depsite having daddy be gone for a little while. You can have a wonderful reunion and celebrate the holiday season when he comes home as a family.