***Loss Check-In***

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?GTKY: Do you have any tattoos? 

weddedwife

***warning: rainbow pg mentioned***
 Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?No, unfortunately. I am still stuck in the kind of bitterness towards our family members who haven't been very supportive since our loss. I am seeing them a lot more now that I am on bed rest and just stewing over it.What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I'm trying to let it all go and just relax so this bed rest thing can work for the best. Everything is so wrapped up in this rainbow pg. I can't help it. That of course makes me feel guilty for not grieving more over Nathaniel lately.QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?I'm starting to think about his first birthday. It's 2&1/2 months away.Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?My loss milestone is in 5 days. I am terrified.GTKY: Do you have any tattoos?I have three. 2 that I still like, 1 that I wish I never got. Although EVERYBODY has tattoos now so I kind of wish I didn't have any.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?No.  If anything I feel I've taken a major step back.  Things that either haven't triggered me in a while or that I've been able to stop myself from breakdown have totally gotten to me this week.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  Trying to get back on track.  Going to try to focus on the positive things happening in my life instead of thinking about what should be or shouldn't be right now
QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?DH and I leave for our Mediterranean cruise on Corbin's 1st birthday.  We'll go visit him in the morning and bring him balloons and presents and then head to my parents and have cake (which I plan on eating like a one year old - if it doesn't end up in my hair, I'm not doing it right) and then we'll head to Chicago, board a plane and get as close to heaven as most people on earth can get. 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Moving.  We're set to close on the house we live in now on Monday but we still don't know about the new house.  We may end up homeless for a few days and then have no one to help us actually move if we can't move in until Tuesday or Wednesday
GTKY: Do you have any tattoos? After years of saying I'd never, ever, ever, ever, ever get one (needle fear).  I actually have one.  DH and I both the same tattoo of his hand and footprint (actual size and like my grandpa says "look at the size of the paws on that kid!") name and dates.  Mine is on my left side about my hip (where I felt the most kicks and pokes while pregnant).  It hurt like hell but knowing that now I'd do it all over again in a millisecond.  DH has his on the outside of his right calf.  The only difference between mine and his besides placement is that I have Corbin's name and dates in blue where and my husband has them in black

JonesBaby0624

My mac does weird things when I try to copy and paste from a PP.  Sorry for the yellow lines. 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

 No, I have a lot of anger.  I have never been an angry person and now I find myself yelling and LOSING (and I mean losing) my temper.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I haven't even thought of setting any goals.  I feel like I cannot move on much less look to the future. 

QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?

Saturday is 4 weeks since we said good-bye to Vivian but we don't have anything special planned. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I started back to work (teacher) on Monday and today is the first day with students.  I have been focused on that all week.  I am not typically a very likable person this time of the year anyway, because of the stress of getting prepared,  but this year has been worse. 

GTKY: Do you have any tattoos? 

I have 4.  I have a broken heart on left ankle, this was a fix for the hearts and exes initials that were there before, dragonfly and cherry blossoms on right shoulder,  celtic symbol for mother hood with branches filled with my children's birthstone colors on left wrist, and children's nicknames on right wrist.  I have not added Vivian to either of the wrist tattoos yet.

Heatherhah

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I would love to say yes but I haven't

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? i am trying to not freak out that next month is her angelversary

Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? N/A

QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for  your next Angelversary or milestone? our angelversary is Sept. 30th, I am hoping to have a little dinner with immediate family and have a cake and let some balloons go with messages to her. It is going to be a hard day for me.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just trying to get through each week is hard for me.

GTKY: Do you have any tattoos? I have 7 but one is for her it is a butterfly on my right wrist that is a symbol of her.

karebear57

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Sadly no. I've just been going with the flow for now, it seems to be working for me for now.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Start trying in a month or three. I'm gonna be skipping over Oct.
QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?I have no idea what we'll be doing. But I do want to do something for Brianna.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Brianna. How much I'm gonna miss the boys when they go back to school. Want to get over this uti once again!
GTKY: Do you have any tattoos? No and dh is against them. But if I do get one I would love to get a butterfly for Brianna. Just a small one.

Bayberry12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Nothing really major, just trying to do little things on my own.  I thought about looking in our memory box from the hospital for the first time, but decided I wasn't ready.

 What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I am going to see quite a few friends this weekend, some of them for the first time since my baby shower.  This is a huge step for me, and I am trying to stay strong and positive. 

QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?

Honestly, I try not to focus on milestones or dates.  I think I would get too wrapped up in them if I counted every week or month.  Although, of course I know it has almost been 4 months.  I think her birthday will be then only date that is going to really hard for me.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I got some unsettling news news from my Dr. yesterday, so waiting for my follow up appt.  Also, a friend just had her 2nd baby yesterday.  The last time I saw her was at my baby shower, when she was 4 mos. and I was 8 mos.  I just hurts that she gets her baby and mine died. Thinking of them in the hospital as a happy family, and my husband and I were so heartbroken when our baby was born.  I sucks.

GTKY: Do you have any tattoos?

No tattoos on me.   

 

jbranden12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?DH and I have been good about going for a walk every night. I have been crying a lot this week, but I feel okay about it.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I would like to do something with my career. No specific plan. I feel like I can't take any big risks, because DH is going back to school and I need to have a salary and benefits.  
QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?DH's birthday is coming up. It is the day we found out we were pg with Patricia. I know it is going to be difficult because he is turning 30 and he definitely thought things would be different by now. I want to do something nice for him.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?It's been a difficult week. I graduated with my master's degree in counseling psychology on Saturday, and though I am proud of myself for finishing (4.0!), it was supposed to be this big moment and the beginning of a new life with our little family. It didn't help that 4 other girls in my program had their babies at graduation (we were all pregnant together). For the past two years, I've been working full time and going to school full time, and I expected to fill all of my extra hours with Patricia. Now, I'm not sure what to do with myself. I feel a little lost. 
GTKY: Do you have any tattoos? No. 

kikibelle

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?No new steps. Still easing into making contact with friends (a few visits and phone calls here and there). The interactions I've had have gone well, I haven't dissolved into tears or frantically shoved pics of Julian in anyone's faces. They're just exhausting (and I usually do cry after a friend leaves, or after I get off the phone. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I'm starting to plan for my return to work, even though it's still several weeks off. I'm very anxious about it, so planning makes me feel a little more in control. QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?This Sunday will be 1 month since Julian was born. We might open the memory box that the L&D staff (and my mom) put together for us. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?So much-can't even begin to put it in writing.  GTKY: Do you have any tattoos? No, I have never been interested in getting one until now (something to remember Julian by). I probably won't, though. 

Lavender&Lillies

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

My husband and I went to our second support group meeting on Monday. The last one we went to was not much of a group because it was only us and the facilitator. This time there was another couple and two more woman, in addition to the facilitator. I think it was nice for my husband to have another man there and it was really good to talk to other people going through similar and different losses.

We also baby sat our best friend's 5 month old baby so she and her husband could go to dinner for their anniversary. I only cried a little, but he is still the only baby I have held since losing Braxton. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have any plan to help achieve that goal?

I have been working on how to answer the question, "Do you have any kids?". My goal is to find an answer that is true and honors Braxton without opening myself up to a lot of hurtful comments. If you have any advice, I would love to hear it. 

QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?

Yesterday was three months past my due date and the 25th will be four months since we lost Braxton. I plan to visit him at the cemetery today. Next week, I hope to visit the cemetery with another loss mama to bring flowers to both our babies.

Open Topic: What is on your mind this week?

Braxton. I can't help but think about what should have been. I should have a three month old right now. I miss him.

Also, getting ready for school to start. I have less than three weeks until I welcome a new class of first graders. I hope I have the energy to be a good teacher to them. 

GTKY: Do you have any tattoos? 

No, my mom, dad, and step-dad have all said that they are going to get a tattoo to memorialize Braxton. I think it is so awesome that they want to do that, but it is not the right thing for me right now. I do wear a necklace and a ring for Braxton every day. 

tuscanbride2007

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I did actually look at a baby as a woman walked across the street. She looked to be about 4 or 5 months old (as Annabelle would be) and I didn't look away real quick or cry. I was actually interested to see what she was doing and thinking if Annabelle would be doing that now too.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My next goal is to actually hold or be around a baby. I have pretty much ignored babies since our loss. I also try and quickly move away from any newborn when out and about. I need to stop doing that and make myself not run away when I hear their cries.

QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?

Five months is coming up next weekend and will be the same day as DD's 4th birthday party. I hope the distraction will help.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Last year at this time, I was in the first trimester with Annabelle. We didn't want to tell anyone at DD's birthday party. This year will be bittersweet because she won't be here to join in the chaos.

GTKY: Do you have any tattoos?

Yes, I have 3. DH and I just got our tattoos for Annabelle last Friday and I love it!

a&aw12707

Hi, I haven't posted on this check in before.

1) I am attending a support group for loss moms for the first time tonight. I am almost dreading it because I am so afraid I am going to break down. I haven't had a big breakdown in so long it might happen there. (

2) My most immediate goal is finally getting a complete picture of our loss. We have been waiting on the results of my clotting panel which have been taking forever!! Once we have those results in, we will have a plan in place for TTCAL.

3) Today is our one month Angelversary, we don't have any big plans, but I'm sure we will go to the cemetery this weekend.

4)All this week, I've been thinking, "Where is AF?!?" I have never anticipated her arrival so much, if only to feel like my body is getting back to normal again. I have been feeling all of the lovely PMS symptoms for about a week now, so hopefully it will be soon

5) No tattoos, but I have been thinking about getting Mason's footprints put somewhere.

lmielocl1

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I exercised for the first time in months tonight and I am so happy that I did.  I am so out of shape it is depressing but I feel really good about it.   

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I am currently looking for a new job so I have one evening / week that I am dedicating to looking & applying to any new jobs.  I may start trying to make it two evenings / week as I really want to find a new job.  

I would like to try to exercise two-three times a week but do not have a plan to help me do this.  My schedule with work & home is pretty busy so I will need to make sure I leave time to do this in the evenings.   

QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone?

Our two months was yesterday and with my DHs travels, we did not do anything special.  I am planning on taking my EDD in November off from work and am still trying to figure out what we will do.  Maybe a balloon release?  I really like this idea. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

This week was a tough week emotionally with it being two months.  I had a great weekend with my family and then on Monday, it hit me hard as Monday was 2 months since we found out my little boy passed away and yesterday was two months since he was born sleeping.  I have also been thinking about TTC a lot as well.  

GTKY: Do you have any tattoos?

No I have never gotten a tattoo.  Although I have used injectables for IF treatments & had acupuncture done, the tattoo needles scare me.

Petunia844

**Rainbow Pregnancy mentioned***
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I'm not sure... I feel like passing my loss milestones with this pregnancy will be a big step in forgiving my body, I'm not sure if that counts?
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  Just to make it through this pregnancy as safely as possible, and do it gracefully in a way that makes both my boys proud. 
QOTW: Do you have anything special planned for your next Angelversary or milestone? Peyton's angelversary is next month, my plan is to take his brother to go "meet" him at Peyton's lake.  It's a lake a short drive and hike from our house, where we spread his ashes.  It will probably be just about 3 weeks post postpartum for me, which is right around the same time that we walked out there after his pregnancy to spread them.  It will be surreal to take Raylan out there in a carrier and think of where we were last year.  I want to feel like a whole family on his birthday, that's how we will do it.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Milestones, they are consuming my thoughts.  Just 3 days from pre-e milestone, and 9 days from loss milestone.  My b/p was at an all time low at my appointment today, and baby boy is growing nice and kicking strong... so these things are helping me, but wow, I wasn't prepared for how obsessive, emotional, crazy I'd feel right now.
GTKY: Do you have any tattoos?  I have a "tramp stamp" that matches one my sister has.  I CANNOT WAIT  to get my Peyton tattoo, I know what I want but am waiting until after this pregnancy to get it.