Sick of the lies

kllrbnny

So, without going into all the background, I have tried every single tactic for dealing with my ex. Nothing works. He is still the biggest, most narcissitic asshat ever known to man.

He is currently threatening to report me to child services. He says that DS's pedi told him to b/c I didn't follow her "orders" to take him to a behavioral phsycologist for his possible ADD. I have a call into her but I don't for one second believe that she said that.

For the record, and I've explained this to him, the referral came at the end of last school year & he spent the majority of the summer with his dad in another town. My plan was to get him in at the beginning of this school year. School started yesterday and DS just came home sunday night.

I am shaking I am SO mad.

Cheerilee

If he called CPS over that, they'd laugh at him. You are in no way inflicting harm on your child for not taking him to a psychologist for possible ADD.  Even if he were diagnosed, you don't have to medicate.  There are other methods of behavior management that do not require medication.  He couldn't file a CPS claim for not medicating, either.  I assume you have 50/50 legal custody so you would need to agree on something so important as medicating your child.   

Plus, a health professional is going to need you to have your son's teachers fill out rating scales for ADD.  They shouldn't be completing these scales so early in the school year since they do not yet know your child.  

kllrbnny

Cheerilee:

If he called CPS over that, they'd laugh at him. You are in no way inflicting harm on your child for not taking him to a psychologist for possible ADD.  Even if he were diagnosed, you don't have to medicate.  There are other methods of behavior management that do not require medication.  He couldn't file a CPS claim for not medicating, either.  I assume you have 50/50 legal custody so you would need to agree on something so important as medicating your child.   

Plus, a health professional is going to need you to have your son's teachers fill out rating scales for ADD.  They shouldn't be completing these scales so early in the school year since they do not yet know your child.  

I do realize that that won't launch a CPS investigation. His treats are maddening though. I actually have 100% physical and legal custody. Which is why he is such an ass. His poor ego can't take it.

DS's pedi had last year's teachers fill out the scales at the end of last year. I figured DS didn't need any help concentrating on fun summer stuff therefore there wasn't any need to rush him in right away. Its not like its anger management or physical therapy!

It also pisses me off that he's always calling adults in DS's life and talking *** about me. That is not paranoia, I have heard the actual calls.

AND, when DS was seeing a therapist for some behavior stuff, his dad refused to bring him for appointments b/c they were 'on [his] time' and 'too far away.'

Sorry, that got long.

Cheerilee

That sucks  It's easier said than done, but just let it roll off your shoulders. BM is like that with DSS's autism - she's constantly telling us if we don't do X, Y or Z then we are "making him more autistic" or not "curing" him.  She hasn't threatened a CPS call, though.  The worst she does is trash talk DH to people in their old hometown.  

 FWIW, really look at what maintains your son's attention.  ADD/ADHD isn't selective to activities (fun vs. school).  Sometimes, escape behaviors at school resemble ADD/ADHD.  Personally, I think it's over-diagnosed and kids become overmedicated.  I've also seen many teachers fill out the scales based on emotion rather than actual facts/data.  They think if the child is medicated, their job is easier.  I'm not saying this is your case.  I don't know your son or what's been tried already.  I just don't like parents getting pressured into a diagnosis for their child that may not be 100% accurate.    

Rhenna

I know it's frustrating but keep in mind that he is doing it purely to get you upset.  If your child's pediatrician thought there was cause for CPS to be involved it is his/her responsibility to call them, not tell the other parent to call.  No pediatrician would do that, your ex is just flat out lying to upset you.  He probably feels like he has no control over anything except your emotions and is working that angle as best he can.  I would tell him that if he wants to make baseless threats against you and emotionally harrass you then he can send all comunication in writing to your lawyer and he doesn't need to speak with you directly any longer if that is how he wants to behave.

Also, no way in hell CPS or any pediatrician would do anything in regards to ADD and involving CPS.  That's just ridiculous.

kllrbnny

Thanks ladies. Its nice to hear this from other people b/c sometimes I think I'm being the narcissistic one in thinking he just does this to bug me.

And I totally agree that ADD is over diagnosed and over medicated. There will be no chemicals going into my son any time soon. And it is more pervasive than just not paying attention to stuff he isn't interested in. The school has actually never said anything about ADD. My own research led me to talk to his pedi about it.

FutureMrsWittig

Can you tell him you won't communicate with him anymore unless it is through e-mail?  Getting those threats in writing could go a long way, someday, toward proving he is hostile and not willing to coparent.

kllrbnny

FutureMrsWittig:

Can you tell him you won't communicate with him anymore unless it is through e-mail?  Getting those threats in writing could go a long way, someday, toward proving he is hostile and not willing to coparent.

We are at that point. This ridiculousness happened via email and has already been forwarded to my lawyer. We are actually in the appeal process at the moment because the ex lost his case for modification of the custody. He's lashing out.

And we got to the point of only communicating through email b/c he was recording our phone calls w/out my knowledge while trying to bait me into sounding crazy.

So yeah, good times.

SueBear

Just remind yourself that he is the one who is crazycakes!

erika1677