Is motherhood harder or easier than you expected? Why?

MamatoA2010

I'll start. Much harder since I'm a single parent. You?

seahorse102410

Easier because daycare teaches him things I know I never would have had the patience to.

ASmallWonder

Easier because I got a super easy kid.  I think having a second is going to be harder than I'm even fearing it will be.

CoffeeBeen

seahorse102410:

Easier because daycare teaches him things I know I never would have had the patience to.

Ditto to this.  I stayed at home for the first year and that was way harder than I thought.  But once we enrolled him in daycare and went back to work, everything started to fall into place.  

Though, some of his recent "Me do it!" tendencies have been harder than I expected.

carig63

elmoali:

Easier because I got a super easy kid.  I think having a second is going to be harder than I'm even fearing it will be.

Hit the nail on the head. I keep hearing how the second is usually the demon child, and it makes me a little nervous.

synchrosally

Harder. No one told me I could have 2 year old that still doesn't sleep.

BlueRidge8

Harder. And I have an easy kid.

I was just ill prepared for the 100% of my attention she needs while awake. I do somewhat look forward to when she's old enough to play by herself or pick out a movie, etc...though I don't want to rush this stage since she's our one and done. 

scoutkate

Easier in terms of actual parenting.  Harder in terms of constant worry and anxiety.

ATMmom324

Not easier or harder-just different.  My biggest fear of having a child was giving up sleep which I love.  I never realized once I had her how little I would care about my own needs and gladly give up sleep to be with her.  On the other hand I assumed I would use sitters a lot more and have more of a social life like.  I didn't realize the guilt and how hard it would be to leave her.

theseaword

DS is only 11 weeks, but so far it's easier. I thought I would be a zombie and be bored spending my day with a newborn.  I'm pretty well rested and I love spending time with him! Running errands is tricky, but overall the nb stage has been easier than expected. I know the real parenting will come later, so we'll see!

ASmallWonder

carig63:

elmoali:

Easier because I got a super easy kid.  I think having a second is going to be harder than I'm even fearing it will be.

Hit the nail on the head. I keep hearing how the second is usually the demon child, and it makes me a little nervous.

His doctor when he was an infant laughed and told me she wasn't sure she'd roll the dice on a second if she were us because "They're not usually like this, you know."  So, yeah.  I'm nervous haha

historychick79

It's more exhausting/draining. I expected to be tired from sleepless nights. I didn't quite expect the emotional pull of trying to give everything 100% and feeling guilty when I gave time (or shopping) for myself. I also expected repetition with teaching him how to do things; I didn't think I would still be telling him to get away from electrical cords after saying it almost daily for over a year.

ETA: we are not deliberately/randomly leaving electrical hazards in C's reach. But his monitor doesnt hold a charge so it's plugged in most of the time, or we have our phone chargers or laptop cord around. He manages to find these things and they're fascinating (probably because they're forbidden). Heaven help us if/when he discovers what matches are.

LnR70707

Is somewhere in between an option?  In hindsight, so much of it seems easier now, but in the moment there were times when it was much, much harder than I imagined.   Right now it is easier than I expected, as walking really turned that corner to independence for DS so I can actually function around the house while he is awake.  Once climbing starts, I know I'll back into a harder phase.

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insertclevername

Much harder.  I had all of these ideas and ideals of how I was going to parent.  Those crashed and burned very quickly.  I will say that becoming a parent has changed me in a good way though.  I am more laid back and a lot less judgemental.

mom2pottamus

Harder-emotionally.  From 4 mos to 2 yrs DS was the best child in the world, when he turned 2 he just went headlong into the torturous 2's. My DS is as headstrong as I am and the discipline is CONSTANT.  I miss the days when he was my little buddy and hope they return again.  My DD is my cuddly, independent, easygoing child but I am dreading starting the defiant stage with her as well.  Wish I had emotionally been prepared for loving someone so much and having them drive you mad and not having a whole lot of fun in this stage.

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lnh2008

Harder. 

andyyougoonie

I think it's about what I expected.  The newborn phase was much easier than I expected for us, because she was a really easy baby with no health or feeding problems (thank God!), but this toddler phase is kicking my asss.  When she is grumpy, she is REALLY grumpy and extremely difficult.  I still haven't figured out how to handle the mood swings.

lildevil968

At first it was easier, then it got way harder. The older DD gets, the harder it gets. Same with DS.

Deblondie1

Way harder. I had this blissful image in my head when I got pregnant. E has definitely tarnished that (I say most lovingly LOL).

chardonnay24

Way harder. I was worried about the daily care aspect, but the feeding/changing/bathing/sleeping part is really easy. It's the big picture that is harder for me. He is sensory seeking and always on the move. We're also dealing with communication and behavioral issues that make parenting him really, really hard.

Marc's Mrs.

scoutkate:

Easier in terms of actual parenting.  Harder in terms of constant worry and anxiety.

Ditto this exactly.

Venus04d

It's a mixture of both. The stress and anxiety I feel over helping guide my children into happy, smart, confidant, kind, and fulfilled individuals is much heavier than I ever could have wrapped my mind around. The exhaustion that comes with it and the feeling that you can't ever just "clock out" can be grueling sometimes. However, I never imagined how pure and genuine the love for your child really is and how much the smallest things they do can make you absolutely giddy with life and love. 

FrickandFrack

Much harder.

hmp1

For the most part, easier. I lucked out with an easy kid that sleeps great. I'm sure I will change my answer in about 7 weeks.

ilovemygirls

So much harder.  I had a cr@pload of nieces & nephews before having kids so I thought...I got this.  Then I had the uber "needy" child who didn't sleep.  Ever.  Her first year almost killed me.  Even with all that, I had a ton of patience with her.  Add in child #2 -who was actually a LOT easier kid- but my patience went out the window & I struggle with that daily.

I laugh at my pre-multiple child self & how I thought some things were hard with just one.  I'm sure it's how people with four kids look at me having two & thinking "You have no idea!".  Which they are right- I will NEVER have any idea about that because I know I can't handle more than two kids!!  It is why my husband had a vas & I have an IUD.  My sis in law calls it my "belt and suspenders" lol

kcisthebombdotcom

Both.

Easier because both my kids were easy babies (and are still easy toddlers for the most part). I think both of my kids came out the womb smiling--both were smiling at people at like 3-4 weeks old. They are always happy and so easy to please.

Harder because they both have their own unique special needs and I worry about them/the future a whole lot. I have really bad anxiety and have lots of sleepless nights over it.

NastyAnnie

Harder emotionally. I never realized how tough it would be to just BE the parent every day, to daily have to give up any thought of doing what I want because he is the most important. I'm a pretty selfish person, and making decisions for him instead of me sucks. :P

The actual parenting part isn't that hard. I have a really well behaved kid though.

kwitt22

Having a newborn was 100x easier than I thought it would be. I was couldn't wait to be a mom, but I was terrified to have a newborn. To my surprise she was so easy. I think it is harder having a toddler. I was never around toddlers so I didn't know what to expect, even though this phase is awesome, it is frustrating bc she tries my patience alot!

delg23

Waaaaaaaaaaay harder. Nobody could have prepared me for this.

MirandaHobbes

It changes daily!

Overall: probably easier. Caveat: I only have one kid, and DS is 4. When he was 3 months I would have said it was much harder than I thought. Combo of sleepless nights and just a general feeling of never getting ahead in anything (work, house cleaning, etc) 

Ways it is harder: DS has special needs (autism). A thousand worries and anxieties over that one. And doctor's appointments. Him having to ride the school bus to special ed when he was only 19 months. Etc.

Ways it is easier: Because DS has autism, he is actually (for the moment) much easier to parent. He follows rules. He is very loving. He loves the simple things in life- he doesn't play video games and it is content watering my flowers and lawn all afternoon. He goes to a SN preschool/daycare that teaches him more than I ever thought possible.

One thing that is not better or worse but just different: DH and I talked prior to DS being born that when we had him, our lives as we knew it would be over. I would say that now that DS is 4 we're actually fairly close to where we were. We don't go out at all anymore since we can never find a sitter- but we're back to our hobbies (I run, DH golfs), we've started taking vacations again, and a trip to the store isn't the total drama it was when DS was a toddler. We still hang out with all of our childless friends which would have surprised me then. I assumed that once we had a kid we'd turn into "parents" and not be able to associate with non-parents. I was wrong!

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laurakaz13

A million times harder than I ever though it would be.  I had 7 1/2 months of horrible morning sickness, followed by 8 weeks of collicky infant. 

Now my DD is a dream, but it has been a tough adjustment for me.