how often did you get feedback

erinmc1

We submitted our profile for review with an expectant couple 3 weeks ago.  The agency cautioned us that the couple was really tentative about what direction to go.  We haven't heard anything at all since submitting our profile, and mom is due in a week.  I just wish the agency would be a little more communicative. I haven't called them, but I just wish there was something, even if it's just a quick update that they haven't heard anything, and suspect the couple plans to parent, coming from their end.  

I know that counseling the birthparents is the priority, but a 2-minute update phone call would be reassuring.  This is the 4th time presenting our profile, so the lack of any communication makes us feel needy, insecure and forgotten. We've made a huge emotional and financial investment, though, and I feel like there should be some consideration paid to keeping us informed.  Has anyone else felt this way?  

Julie721

I am sorry about waiting to hear, that is no fun! We used an attorney instead of an agency, and they were pretty good about letting us know. That said, another AP gave me the advice that the squeaky wheel gets the oil, so it can't hurt you to call, and the worst they can say is "nothing to report." Unless you have reason not to, I say call. GL and keep us posted! 

Dr.Loretta

I would contact your agency. You are paying them, there is nothing wrong with touching base with them and asking what's up. Maybe they still don't know anything. Maybe they do and they've been busy. Don't be afraid to reach out.

lafayettegirl

That happened to us, so I called the SW. That is when she told me that they don't call unless you've been selected. Some people find it easier that way. However, they also don't tell us when our profile is being shown either. As far as I know, we've only been shown that one time that I called about. Who knows.

This is just another thing I am really beginning to dislike about our agency. All these little tidbits that did not come up when we were interviewing them that might have changed our mind about using them. I guess that is why we are now in the process of sending our profiles and homestudies to 5 other agencies.

I would ask the agency what their protocol is for this communicating with you in these situations so you know what to expect from here on out.

erinmc1

Our agency DOES contact us prior to showing our profile, so we're walking on eggshells the whole time until we hear the BPs' decision.  Plus, our social worker is out on maternity leave (don't even get me started on THAT irony), so the birthparent counselor is our primary contact, and he obviously would be used to making the birthparents the top priority and not worrying so much about the APs at all.

Why the heck is this considered normal, to take people's entire life savings and their dream and then let them dangle, with no communication whatever?  It's making me feel like to their POV, it's atypical to feel anxious during this process, and it's making me question my faith in our agency.  

 This is awful.  It's like being an insecure teenage girl again, waiting for a popular boy to call and afraid to look too eager by calling him.

Julie721

One reason we chose our attorney instead of the agency that did our homestudy is because they made me feel demanding and anxious like you are saying and made it seem like I was crazy for being so concerned.

IMO, the agency or attorney should understand the stress and worry that comes with this process and do everything they can to alleviate that for the PAP and EP. 

I am sorry you are going through this! 

lafayettegirl

Does your agency not have another SW they can connect you to while yours is out? I would put a call in to the agency and ask for the person in charge, explain the situation and ask for another SW. I absolutely would not want to talk to the Birthparent Counselor, I would want a SW that deals with adoptive parents for specifically the reasons you mentioned.

erinmc1

Thanks for the replies, ladies.  Apparently, since they've had a slow-down in birthmothers contacting the agency over the past few months, resulting in fewer placements than normal, their social workers are spread a little thinner among their APs than normal, as well.  More of us, less babies to match us with.

I emailed the agency and asked if we could please have maybe weekly updates while we're waiting for a BP decision, even if it's just to say there's nothing new, because we're feeling a little under-served, with our SW being out on leave.  And I received an auto-reply from the agency director, who apparently is out of the office (out to lunch, on vacation?  haven't heard from her in weeks, so it could be either scenario).  It's a small thing, but it doesn't help alleviate our concerns one bit.