School transitioning..
MesmrEwe
member
I have determined that this will be DD's last year at the Catholic school that we've been sending her to. I don't have any "fight" left in me for all the problems that we've been having since she started Kindergarten there (she's now going into 2nd grade so there have been problems for a while). Today was sort of a "last straw" moment for me that when we got out to the parking lot I declared "I am DONE dealing with this place!" And after today, I am pretty sure that DH is on board completely if we can find an opening at a school with a good reputation.
My first concern was "is the situation going to change if we send her to a different school?"... This summer we sort of tested that question out, we signed her up for a b-ball camp through "community education" that was not run by her school but with kids from the district and she was up every day for camp nagging to go, didn't want to miss a moment of it even though we had a family funeral, and overall, an incredibly positive attitude (something we hadn't been seeing in her). Then we signed her up for gymnastics, again, totally positive attitude from her, outgoing attitude, beating down the door to get there... Signed her up for Bible Camp at another parish not associated with her school, but with kids from the district, this time I was pinching myself asking if this was the same kid I put up with screaming and fussing every bloody morning when it comes to going to school... Today there was another b-ball camp, this time it was at her school, the second she found this out she turned into a holy terror not wanting to go, at least four crying fits, we got in the parking lot at school and she was pointing out that a lot of the kids going in pick on her and are mean to her... Then when we went inside, they totally lost anything relating to her even being signed up (we were told to bring the payment today) and that they've "turned at least 15 others away and it would be unfair to them to let her be there..." when the contact listed on the paperwork said bring her it was open enrollment for the camp and we had it listed with specific times we'd talked to the contact listed on our paperwork, she went from not wanting to go to being glad she didn't have to go there (she said "well, we'll just play some b-ball at home instead!")... Instinct tells me after all these instances her attitude will change if we transfer her out...
Anyway... Has anyone here ever dealt with changing schools for their child and how best to approach both finding a new school then transferring?? Any advice if we're given the option to transfer mid-year if we are able to get an opening at a different school? This is uncharted territory because we never thought we had to think about any other school for her and that she'd "fit in" right away and it just hasn't been the case.
Re: School transitioning..
Do you mind elaborating on the issues you are having? It might help determine which route to go when looking for a new school.
I did want to say though, please do not compare an elementary Parochial(Catholic) school to a Private school. They are NOT the same. A lot of people think that because they pay tuition and choose to send their kids to a Parochial school that their child will be getting a top notch education, that is not always the case, sometimes it's just a basic education with religion as part of the curriculum.
So what type of education are you looking for your child to receive? Or is it the people you are having problems with. My children attend a Catholic school so I may be able to relate to your issues.
Our first school choice is a public charter school (we like the design of their curriculum better along with the reputation from friends who send their child there), the problem, there's a 55 student waiting list for her grade..
The problems we've had - The big one in the overall is she hasn't been challenged academically and how they teach the reading (Speed over accuracy is their approach such that I'm already noticing that she's not comprehending what she's reading because she's trying to do it too fast, when she slows down, no problem, but the school wants her reading fast).. She started off Kindie being able to read pretty decently and she was ahead of her class (first round of problems, she was the only kid in the class who didn't need help - so she was "different"), with first grade, she went from the top to the bottom of the class because the teacher was only testing speed and she stopped trying because she wanted to "fit in".
Followed by constant complaints about kids being mean and bullying her and "we don't see anything like that happening" from the school both years... Then come the behavior problems... Every morning is a battle to get her to go to school and has been for both years. These should be the best years of school with wanting to go. I'd not be exagerating that there have been mornings that we've had to physically dress her and carry her out to the bus crying/kicking/screaming. She has no school friends (she has a lot of kid friends from the gym and other social settings so I know she's capable). When she talks about the other kids at school she has one "fair weather friend" whose Mom told the girl she wasn't allowed to be friends with DD for who knows what reason. She doesn't seem to get invited to anything social with the other kids but will talk about a kid having had a b-day party and she wasn't invited (it's the child/parent's choice of who to invite - it's just sort of trend thing). Other than one incident at the beginning of first grade (which we nipped right away in the bud), there really haven't been any behavioral problems AT school from her, the district counselor tried to work with her on the social stuff because we brought it up but it only made a lot of the problems worse.
Then comes the school. Let's just say overall communication breakdown. DD does not have "Grace" as a middle name. She's a klutz that could trip over her own shoestrings and does.. We put her into gymnastics so that she'd learn how to land better. Anyway, last school year, she hit her head multiple times (goose eggs galore and concussion symptoms), and even though required by concussion laws, only only one incident did we get a call. That one incident she fell off a platform from twice her height and got bilateral bruising (indicator of skull fracture but thankfully wasn't).. The school got downright "pithy" with us because we were going to take her to the ER when the bruising showed up because DD's story of what happened wasn't the same story we got told by the school (school said she "slipped and fell on the ice" - which would be believable, but we had next to no snow last winter to even make ice so something wasn't adding up...). In all of this, that incident is the only one that we got a call from the school on "she slipped on the ice and bumped her forhead, she seems fine" but she had goose eggs on at least four or more occasions (the previous year she also had them but they were all mild no goose egg type).
We've also had communication issues with the school where one person will say one thing, another person something different, we'll take her to something or attend to parent business and get the suddenly lost sign-up, claim of unpaid something or other, or some other excuse why things weren't as listed. There were multiple times over the course of the years that we tried to contact her teacher(s) and in one case it was 4-6 weeks before we heard word-one back on a major issue that happened. And any other time we tried to contact the teacher to find out if a behavior issue was just acting out at home or if it was a school thing it took at least two or more weeks to hear back.
It's a lot of little things that have added up to a tipping point... If I was confident in the public schools I would transfer her now, but the last thing I want to do is transfer her to a different school and there being an opening at the school we'd like to send her to (a lot of parents on the waiting list won't transfer their child mid-year so there's still a remote chance then it's a "lottery" system that begins each year with their registration)...
Having read the whole thread, I'm also wondering if it wouldn't be best for her to switch schools ASAP. Can public school be worse for her than what she's dealing with now? Is it too late to switch?
At least she'll have a chance to start over socially with a larger and more diverse population of kids who don't know her, or who know her only from camp. The fact that she seems to do well socially at camp but be excluded at school tells me that perhaps the school isn't a good fit for her.
I'm astonished by the whole emphasis on reading quickly. There's certainly a connection between reading fluency and reading comprehension, but fluency means speed AND accuracy, not just speed!
I work at a private, religious K-12 school that's located in a county with a really good public school system. We really have to work hard to recruit and keep students because they can get a pretty good education for free where we live. The key to keeping up enrollment is communication. I work every day of the school year to let each of my students and their families know that I care about them personally and want each of them to succeed. That's what private school tuition should be getting you. It doesn't sound like you're getting your money's worth out of that school.
ETA: the "several goose-egg head injuries last year" thing seems very odd to me. Both of my kids are klutzy, but the types of injuries they get seem to be scraped knees and elbows from falling on the playground. Thinking about a typical primary classroom -- what up that she's raising a goose-egg lump on her noggin that often? Is she running into door-frames? Is she hiding under the table and raising up all of a sudden? Getting pushed into things? This seems fishy to me. Not to fall into gender stereotypes, but if my son was coming home with this type of injury this often, I'd write it off to the type of stuff he does at recess. But a girl? Who's being excluded by the other girls? What's going on that she's injuring herself this way several times in a school year? Red flag alert!
After reading your follow up this school definitely does not sound like a good fit for your daughter. I have noticed even with our Catholic school that they expect cookie-cutter kids and anyone that is not able to fit their mold becomes a problem for them.
What type of communication are you using with the school that they are not getting back to you right away. On all the issues you have stated above I would of been marching in that school the day it happened. I don't bother with emails, I show up and speak face to face. This way it is taken care of right away. I would be looking at changing schools, even mid-year, have you made an appt with the local public school, especially since you said she had a good time at the local camps. Maybe she would be going to school with these same kids. Go speak to the public school and ask them how they handle children that are above or below their grade level in reading, writing, math. Public schools usually have more resources than Catholic schools to provide more classes for all levels.
I can just imagine how frustrated you are and your child should not feel like an outcast and be shunned by her classmates. If I were in your shoes I definitely would be looking for a different school.
We have communicated with the school/teachers using email/phone/face to face and even using their preferred method (each teacher has their own preference), it just doesn't seem to be a fit. As the PP mentioned and really seems to be the case, they seem to want kids who fit a cookie cutter mold and if they don't, you're pretty much SOL.. We brought up the speed/accuracy thing with her teacher last year during parent-teacher conferences and basically got the attitude like "who are we to question the all-mighty teacher" (I've written curriculums so I just wanted to know what the reason was and it supposedly was teaching for the state test where they test how many words/minute they read and weren't required to comprehend what they just read). When we met with the Principal, it was a nightmare! She flat out told us "Discipline in the school is not her job" and preferred parents approach it basically with a head in the sand or if there is a problem with another child in the school that the parents call that kid's parents.
From the way it sounds the head injuries have all happened out on the playground with the most disturbing ones being from kids throwing basketballs hard at her head (she doesn't know the name of the kids who've done it and without the playground monitors seeing them do it in the act, they basically get off the hook, we've brought it up but nothing ever gets done for that reason). I'm just confused at how they've all been missed (no adult has ever confirmed what specifically happened).. She does have her fair share of black & blue with neon bandaids on the arms/legs. I've always tried to instill a "get up and do it again" attitude so she is pretty tough, she still needs to go to the nurse for the band-aids so the nurse is seeing her frequently.
Tonight I had the opportunity to talk to my neighbor who retired after 30 years working for the district so he had the perspective of knowing more than his share about each of the individual buildings and he recommended one of the public schools to us as they have the full spectrum and teachers that legitimately care about the kids. He also cautioned against another school because it's "clique" and always having drama. Hearing his assessment was good especially about the school he recommended because they have the full spectrum of the disabled/challenged kids up to the gifted & talented kids. I also told him about the big event that happened with the school and he couldn't even believe the way the school responded as he'd have pulled her instantly then!
We'll do some checking around (I made some calls today). DH is concerned that it's too late to transfer her out of the school and I pointed out the school year hasn't begun yet. A lot of people in my family have said more or less FINALLY for getting DH on board, but that even though this year is First Communion that it's not worth leaving her there. I suspect that DH is going to insist that we see how the first few weeks go with the new teacher and if it's just not working (again), we'll transfer her right away at the beginning of the year (he's very much against public schools around here so this is a huge step as it is for him to consider the move viable, touring the school in-session is a good step with him to nudge him over the edge that the public schools around here really aren't THAT bad).. I just want her (the F out of there!) to enjoy school and develop a love for learning, getting out of the current environment I think will help her blossom on so many levels!
Thanks everyone for all the help/suggestions!!!!
I've finally gotten him on board with making a change, which for him is saying a lot (he's a super loyal late adapter).. Originally at the end of last school year it was to make it through the end of this year, after the events of the past week I have him considering (even lightly) changing before the start of the school year. He wants to meet with the (idiots) administration later this week to see what can be resolved (I'm not holding my breath!).. My thought is that I'm going to be touring schools by the end of next week LOL.. Why he wants to meet with them is beyond me because NOTHING will change! One of the issues is obviously the injuries, especially head injuries (he's involved with a business that is also required by the state to have training for its people so the not being notified or inaccurately notified is big unfortunately the law doesn't have a lot of "teeth" for schools)..
The other big concern is we don't want to have to move her twice within two years into the unknown because with the school we'd like to send her to with the system for the waiting list, there's every possibility that if she ends up lower on the list for next year that she could end up with a spot.
The other big concern is we don't want to have to move her twice within two years into the unknown because with the school we'd like to send her to with the system for the waiting list, there's every possibility that if she ends up lower on the list for next year that she could end up with a spot.
for any situation where your child was not being bullied and physically harmed with an administration that is saying "oh well, tough luck, if you want to try to stop it call the parent's yourself because we are not risking losing their tuition."
And I am not flaming you, I am just trying to keep the fire under you. Better to move her twice than keep her being harmed.
I agree with this. I'm not sure what the basis is for your DH's notion that public school is so horrible. Even if the public schools are very mediocre in your area, can it possibly be worse than the school you're paying for now? Your daughter is being harmed, both physically and emotionally. The school is unresponsive to your requests for help and support, even for information!
Kids are resilient and actually adapt to change pretty well in elementary school.
Does your DH actually think it's better to make her suffer through another year or partial year just so she doesn't have to change schools twice? Her bad situation is a reality. His notions about private education are nebulous ideals. He needs to deal with the reality first, THEN move toward his ideals for her education.
I hear you, but the OP isn't dealing with a choice between "Awesome Private School" and "Mediocre Public School." She's dealing with a situation in which her child is really suffering at her private school. I'm willing to bet that the public schools in her area aren't even that bad!
Are you seriously suggesting that she should leave her child in a school where she's likely being picked on by other kids, and the teachers and administrators are just standing on the sidelines shrugging their shoulders and denying responsibility? Where the academic priorities are out of whack? Just because the public alternative is merely "okay?" For only one year until a spot in their chosen charter school opens up?
Her child is CRYING and MISERABLE every day before going to school and coming home with weird injuries that the school can't/won't account for. We're not talking about the finer points of who has the highest test scores and sends the most kids to Harvard here! Unless the OP has exaggerated, I feel like this is kind of an emergency.
I agree. I'm actually surprised that this went on for over a year before you even considered doing anything. Parental involvement with a mediocre school is, IMO, still much better than a miserable child at a "good" school. A child can't learn if they're in fear of being bullied all the time. I would personally settle for any school in which my child is safe for now, and work to find the best school while you wait. It might mean you need to supplement more at home, or that mediocre school may surprise you and be better than you thought.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
Not everyone can afford to send their kids to private schools. If you are involves with your child's education, the school has the level classes your kid needs and your kid is intelligent enough to take the classes, a mediocre school can be good enough and still get a child a very long way, no one said a failing school. The thinking listed above is an elitist one. I am very lucky we have good schools but there are certainly better schools near us but we could not afford a house in them. But my son is still reading at least a grade level ahead.