Vent!!

jkacera15

Apparently BM has a work meeting this evening, we were made aware of this a while back because somebody else will have to drop SK's off to us at 5pm (our normal day and time to get them). Because we are lucky enough to get info on school stuff from a family member, we were made aware a long time ago of "meet the teacher" night tonight which is 2 days before first day of school. Not once has BM made us aware of this so that we can take SD to her school to meet her teacher and see her classroom. A few days ago SD tells me privately, she won't be having a meet the teacher night, as though someone told her that. I could have screamed! obviously i didn't, and instead told her there will be one and dad and I are taking her and wouldn't let her miss it. She didn't really say much, almost like she knew she had been lied to. Why??? any bm's out there do these things cause i can't figure out why this keeps happening? its only hurting the children!!

Just had an occurance a couple weeks ago with telling BM, SD showed interest in playing on a certain soccer team with her classmates (one of them being a daughter of DH's coworker so we speak with them and see them often), and they said there was an opening on the team for SD if she wants, she expressed she really wanted to play so i contacted the coach and got the forms and info needed, took the information to BM just saying SD showed interest in soccer and she got flustered and told us she can't find a team with openings. When we explained the team we knew about which has girls she goes to school with and i told her i had the forms for her if she wants them, she stated SD hasn't said anything to her and said she wants to play with some other girls and started making things up. Just days later she sent DH a text saying she contacted the coach we told her about and will get the forms from him and let us know information later.

seriously??? why not just take the forms from us and say thanks i'll get back to you....????? ugh!!! just needed to vent the frustrations!!

CFjo2010

jkacera15:

Apparently BM has a work meeting this evening, we were made aware of this a while back because somebody else will have to drop SK's off to us at 5pm (our normal day and time to get them). Because we are lucky enough to get info on school stuff from a family member, we were made aware a long time ago of "meet the teacher" night tonight which is 2 days before first day of school. Not once has BM made us aware of this so that we can take SD to her school to meet her teacher and see her classroom. A few days ago SD tells me privately, she won't be having a meet the teacher night, as though someone told her that. I could have screamed! obviously i didn't, and instead told her there will be one and dad and I are taking her and wouldn't let her miss it. She didn't really say much, almost like she knew she had been lied to. Why??? any bm's out there do these things cause i can't figure out why this keeps happening? its only hurting the children!! I can only offer a suggestion based on the way the BM in my situation acts so I could be wrong in your case.  She told SD there wasn't a meeting because she knew she wouldn't be able to take her, and didn't want you and your husband doing it and having the first contact with the new teacher.  It sucks and it's childish, but there ya have it. 

Just had an occurance a couple weeks ago with telling BM, SD showed interest in playing on a certain soccer team with her classmates (one of them being a daughter of DH's coworker so we speak with them and see them often), and they said there was an opening on the team for SD if she wants, she expressed she really wanted to play so i contacted the coach and got the forms and info needed, took the information to BM just saying SD showed interest in soccer and she got flustered and told us she can't find a team with openings. When we explained the team we knew about which has girls she goes to school with and i told her i had the forms for her if she wants them, she stated SD hasn't said anything to her and said she wants to play with some other girls and started making things up. Just days later she sent DH a text saying she contacted the coach we told her about and will get the forms from him and let us know information later.

seriously??? why not just take the forms from us and say thanks i'll get back to you....????? ugh!!! just needed to vent the frustrations!! Again, I can only answer based on how the BM in my situation acts:  She didn't take the forms from you because then SD playing soccer is your idea, not hers.  If she's the one who contacts the coach and gets the forms, then she can say that she's the one who signed SD up.  That, or she waited until she spoke with SD and when SD told her that she did in fact want to play BM made a couple calls.  Either way, I really think this is about her need to control what happens.

jkacera15

This has been our thoughts also. I guess I just worry that just because the kids express their ideas to us first sometimes and we go to her with them, it doesn't mean its anybody elses idea's but the kids. Like you said, so childish...and being controlling in my opinion is selfish. Seems to me like she puts her feelings in front of whats good for the children.

twister22

jobalchak:

jkacera15:

Apparently BM has a work meeting this evening, we were made aware of this a while back because somebody else will have to drop SK's off to us at 5pm (our normal day and time to get them). Because we are lucky enough to get info on school stuff from a family member, we were made aware a long time ago of "meet the teacher" night tonight which is 2 days before first day of school. Not once has BM made us aware of this so that we can take SD to her school to meet her teacher and see her classroom. A few days ago SD tells me privately, she won't be having a meet the teacher night, as though someone told her that. I could have screamed! obviously i didn't, and instead told her there will be one and dad and I are taking her and wouldn't let her miss it. She didn't really say much, almost like she knew she had been lied to. Why??? any bm's out there do these things cause i can't figure out why this keeps happening? its only hurting the children!! I can only offer a suggestion based on the way the BM in my situation acts so I could be wrong in your case.  She told SD there wasn't a meeting because she knew she wouldn't be able to take her, and didn't want you and your husband doing it and having the first contact with the new teacher.  It sucks and it's childish, but there ya have it. 

Just had an occurance a couple weeks ago with telling BM, SD showed interest in playing on a certain soccer team with her classmates (one of them being a daughter of DH's coworker so we speak with them and see them often), and they said there was an opening on the team for SD if she wants, she expressed she really wanted to play so i contacted the coach and got the forms and info needed, took the information to BM just saying SD showed interest in soccer and she got flustered and told us she can't find a team with openings. When we explained the team we knew about which has girls she goes to school with and i told her i had the forms for her if she wants them, she stated SD hasn't said anything to her and said she wants to play with some other girls and started making things up. Just days later she sent DH a text saying she contacted the coach we told her about and will get the forms from him and let us know information later.

seriously??? why not just take the forms from us and say thanks i'll get back to you....????? ugh!!! just needed to vent the frustrations!! Again, I can only answer based on how the BM in my situation acts:  She didn't take the forms from you because then SD playing soccer is your idea, not hers.  If she's the one who contacts the coach and gets the forms, then she can say that she's the one who signed SD up.  That, or she waited until she spoke with SD and when SD told her that she did in fact want to play BM made a couple calls.  Either way, I really think this is about her need to control what happens.

This. It's a pride & control thing. It's so dumb.

Is your DH able to sign SD up for extra curricular activities? Or does BM hold that right in the CO? 

jkacera15

I'm almost positive she holds the right according to the CO. Which he has no problem with as long as she makes him aware of these things prior to sign ups and he knows whats going on. There have been times in the past she signs SD up for gymnastics and doesn't tell him and we hear from SD the night it starts and we have to take her an hour after picking her up! She also almost signed SS up for gymnastics a couple times but luckily the kids told us first and he put a stop to it. Not to be "that way" but SS is not going to do gymnastics! He is the type of boy who loves to have a ball and bat in his hands...not doing sommersaults on some mats. lol  But we ran into her new soccer coach last night at the school and he gave us some information on the team. I of course being the nice Stepmother I am, first off, sent a picture of SD to BM because she lost her front tooth last night (in the middle of meet the teacher night of course...) and then let her call her BM to talk. Then she sent me a text back asking about her. I filled her in on soccer info we heard from the coach and instead of saying thanks or anything she says..."ok, i'll look at the info." umm..yeah...its not in the information packet. This is new information on practices from the coach himself. can't be thankful for anything...

it is a control/pride issue like you guys said....how do you deal with this without going crazy?? it absolutely drives me nuts.

twister22

jkacera15:

I'm almost positive she holds the right according to the CO. Which he has no problem with as long as she makes him aware of these things prior to sign ups and he knows whats going on. There have been times in the past she signs SD up for gymnastics and doesn't tell him and we hear from SD the night it starts and we have to take her an hour after picking her up! She also almost signed SS up for gymnastics a couple times but luckily the kids told us first and he put a stop to it. Not to be "that way" but SS is not going to do gymnastics! He is the type of boy who loves to have a ball and bat in his hands...not doing sommersaults on some mats. lol  But we ran into her new soccer coach last night at the school and he gave us some information on the team. I of course being the nice Stepmother I am, first off, sent a picture of SD to BM because she lost her front tooth last night (in the middle of meet the teacher night of course...) and then let her call her BM to talk. Then she sent me a text back asking about her. I filled her in on soccer info we heard from the coach and instead of saying thanks or anything she says..."ok, i'll look at the info." umm..yeah...its not in the information packet. This is new information on practices from the coach himself. can't be thankful for anything...

it is a control/pride issue like you guys said....how do you deal with this without going crazy?? it absolutely drives me nuts.

Let your H deal with it. Let him be the one to text BM about the new info from the coach, let your H text about the lost tooth, etc. It annoyed me when BD's gf would text me, but I think it was mostly because she wasn't even his SM (and she was controlling, manipulative, and a liar). Although, I at least told her "thanks," or more, when she would update me on something important.

It's hard for BM to let go of control. It sounds like she has trouble accepting that she will not be there for all the firsts, and she doesn't want your H involved as much as he is (I'm assuming that based off the fact that she'll lie about activities the SK's are doing or wait until the last minute.)

Again, I would just let your H deal with BM as much as possible. Step back from the situation. That way, you don't have to go crazy . 

jkacera15

Normally my H does all the emailing with her about things involving the kids but in the past just here and there I end up doing a little bit just because its been to do with girl scouts (daddy doesn't get all that stuff...) or H is at work (police...gets called out at times) and i make sure she knows details and also H wouldn't have sent her a picture last night but probably just let SD call BM so i thought i'd be nice and send a picture for her to see and then SD just used my phone at that point to call. I only discuss things with H at home and i support him when he goes to her in person with anything because of problems in the past with her. Theres a few reasons, and one major reason, why we actually do pick ups and drop offs in a public parking lot. I've stated before in a couple of posts why but i'll say it involves a police report being written once and BM acting BSC and the poor kids were involved and crying during the situation. So this is why we try to make sure there is a witness involved during conversations in person and like i said, i was in a good mood so i was being nice last night and hoping a little bit can go a long way...but i don't know why i ever think that...

FutureMrsWittig

jkacera15:

Normally my H does all the emailing with her about things involving the kids but in the past just here and there I end up doing a little bit just because its been to do with girl scouts (daddy doesn't get all that stuff...) or H is at work (police...gets called out at times) and i make sure she knows details and also H wouldn't have sent her a picture last night but probably just let SD call BM so i thought i'd be nice and send a picture for her to see and then SD just used my phone at that point to call. I only discuss things with H at home and i support him when he goes to her in person with anything because of problems in the past with her. Theres a few reasons, and one major reason, why we actually do pick ups and drop offs in a public parking lot. I've stated before in a couple of posts why but i'll say it involves a police report being written once and BM acting BSC and the poor kids were involved and crying during the situation. So this is why we try to make sure there is a witness involved during conversations in person and like i said, i was in a good mood so i was being nice last night and hoping a little bit can go a long way...but i don't know why i ever think that...

A little bit can go a long way.  Just tell yourself that down the road you will know you tried to be the best person you could in the whole situation.  That says a lot about you, and about the people you will raise your kids to be.