A lurker looking for honest opinions

BethanyB2609

Hello!

 I am a pretty regular lurker and I'd like to hear some feedback from all of you. I am 24 years old and my DH is 25, we have been trying to get pregnant since April of 2010. As you can see from my siggy, we have pursued many treatment options, including an IVF this month that has ended with negative pregnancy tests.

We are not sure where to turn at this point, but adoption has always been discussed between us. Adoption is very familiar to us as I have 3 cousins that are adopted and his mother was adopted. As someone who has struggled to start a family for 2 1/2 years now, being pregnant has become less and less important to me. We just want more than anything to have children, to start our family.

 Here is where I could use some advice. I am concerned about our ages. We have been married for 3 1/2 years and we probably wouldn't pursue adoption until next year when we would be 25 and 26. I know that we are both ready to become parents, we are ready to raise a child. However, I worry that a birth mother may look differently at us because we are so young. How would we compare to a couple in their 30s? I just worry that we would get overlooked because of our ages.

What are your views on this? Do you think that age plays a big part in a birth mother's decision?

IRR

I would ask some of the BM's on this board, but I don't think your age would hurt your chances at all.  I believe there are others on this board in your age group who have adopted.  GL.

Foster1Mom

All BM's are looking for something different in a prospective family.

Welcome to the board  

Julie721

We were 26 and 27 at the time of our match, and although one of the BM's original hesitations was because we looked so young, she still wanted us. I think the only way your age could REALLY make a difference is if you were on one of the extremes (e.g. 19 or 50). 25 is a normal age to start a family. GL!

JELLYRUNNER01

I looked for stability in the marriage...I didnt look at families that were not married for under 5 years. If the BM was younger than you than i would say there shouldnt be a problem as long as there is stability in your carrers and marriage. maybe find ways to emphasize that.

srmmm09

Honestly, when I was 19, 25 was plenty old. It could work in your favor to be more relate-able to her. But, as PPs have said, I doubt BMs your age+would choose you.

All that to say, your age definitely wouldn't have ruled you out when I was in the process. 

Patches08

Hi! I'm a birth mom and choose a couple at the age of 18, both husband and wife were 25 when my DD was born.  Every birthmom is looking for something different in an adoptive family/couple.

kacelle

No idea about the statistics, but I don't think that couples in their mid-20s would be viewed as as too young by all BMs.  DH and I are pursuing IA in the next year, and we'll both be 22 and married 2.5 years at the time of application.  We both look like teenagers, so maybe it's a good thing we won't be showing profiles to BMs. 

koda927

I'm not sure about the statistics either, but when we started our adoption journey my hubby and I were both 25. While I'm sure there was BMs that hesitated about our age, in the long run our BM picked us because we were young. So it really just depends on what the BM is looking for.

 I know that some agencies have age limits but I think that's more dealing with international. Best of luck.

Rachel Sonnier

Good to see you posting here Bethany!!!
I don't have any advice, other than what we have already discussed, but let me know if there is anything I can do for you!

BethanyB2609

Thanks for all of your input ladies, I really appreciate it. As of now, we are still deciding what we will do next. I plan to lurk more and learn as much from all of you as I can. We would definitely be pursuing domestic infant adoption. Thanks again, this board has been very informative as I consider all of my options.

 

P.S. I once remember a time when 25 was SO OLD! Haha. Funny how things change.

Dr.Loretta

I'd be more concerned about lower age limits with different agencies, etc. But in your mid-20s you should even be fine with that.

As for expectant moms, there are those out there for whom age is a big factor, and for some it's not a factor at all. And some young-ish e-moms want someone who "looks like them", which may mean younger parents for their child.

I really don't think it's going to be a major strike against you. But that's something you can discuss with an agency/lawyer/etc. They probably have stats on the ages of PAPs and how long their waits were.

Lemmen

Lurker Response!

Hi Ladies,

I don't post often but I follow the board.  

 My husband and I are both 28.  As we went through foster licensure (we hope to adopt if/when the right situation arises), we heard that age is less important than stability.    

 

jackieo1309

DH and I were both 24 when we started the process so that was definitely a concern for us. We didn't talk with any agencies that would have excluded us and, while the agencies we spoke to acknowledged that we would be one of their youngest couples, they didn't think that that would make us have a longer wait or anything. We did try to not choose photos for our profile where we look really young (which is hard considering we actually got carded for an R-rated movie last month- no joke.). It was kind of comforting at our agency orientation though when they mentioned that the reason you think a BM won't pick you is often the reason they do. We live in NYC also and we're still a little worried that that will work against us. Our age and location make us stand out a little, which could be good in some situations but not in others. I can't imagine we'll be chosen by a BM who is older than us, but since the majority of BM's who work with our agency are in their early 20's we're hoping we won't be excluded by too many. I wouldn't worry! Good luck with whatever you decide to do next!