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Baby Showers
jjcald26
member
Have to get this out (loooong vent)
jjcald26
member
in Baby Showers
A while back I posted that my SIL was registered for her 2nd baby (her first is 3 1/2) and registering for things like diapers, a diaper bag and diaper genie refills, etc. I was a bit annoyed because I feel like these are things that the parent should provide. I also know she has all of her original stuff from her first baby. She didn't pass along anything to me to use - not even a single onesie!
Anyways - today my H asks me if I was invited to her shower? I said "no, is she having one?" H: "yeah, my mom got an invitation". So, my curious nature got the best of me, so I looked up the registry again and see that she's asking for people to give her 'generic visa or mc gift cards' but has also added things like bibs, changing pad covers and a baby monitor. She also requested an infant bath tub - that I remember buying for her the first time around!
The last time I posted, it was pointed out that sometimes people register to get the registry completion discount or to keep track of things that they need - not really because they're having a shower, but now it's confirmed that there is one. I normally wouldn't have a big problem with this, but there's a bit of 'bad blood' between us since just before the baptism of my babies. My H keeps saying that I should be the bigger person, but I'm having a really hard time doing that. We basically haven't spoken since the baptism that was at the end of May. Long story short about that is - H asked her to be a God parent when he shouldn't have because he knew I wanted my sister to be the GP. When he told her that we didn't need her - she threw a hissy fit and involved my MIL who demanded I apologize to SIL and has created a HUGE rift in the family... I was told that I should know where my bread is buttered (by my MIL) - because they do/did alot to help with the babies - so to try and ameliorate things I asked my sister to step down so I could have my SIL because I was told that it would mean so much to her. She hasn't even come over to see the babies since then - or at least not when I'm around and she literally lives behind me (our backyards meet up!)
At this point, I'm hoping that I don't get an invite because I don't want to buy anything for her - especially something that I already bought 3 years ago! Not sure how I can get over this or even if I want to. I guess I'm waiting for her apology to me for making a BFD over being the GP instead of my own sister (who she doesn't like). I know at one time - before the whole situation she was expecting me to pass along all my girl clothes to her - but I'm not sure I want to now. I know I'm being childish and the mean-ness that this situation has brought out - is not like me. I don't want to hold onto grudges - but having a hard time letting go.
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Re: Have to get this out (loooong vent)
Where to start...?
1. I am not sure why you would be so offended regarding her shower etiquette if you aren't even invited to the shower. It doesn't sound like you two even have a relationship so really if she did invite you it would only be to "be the bigger person". If you are invited and are really offended don't go. You have a right to decline it is an invitation not a subpoena. But if you have gone to second showers for others or would have bought her a gift regardless of there being a shower then I don't see the big deal.
2. FWIW I had to buy a new bath tub for this LO because the one I had with DS#1 somehow cracked being in storage in the garage . Did I register for it? No. But I did need to get a new one.
3. I am really curious why YH didn't get a say in who was to be Godmother or not. Obviously, he wanted his sister to be a Godparent, that is why he asked hr. So why not? And honestly you have three kids, couldn't SIL and your sister have been the Godmother to at least one of them??? I mean it is is a lovely religious tradition but it is not a custody agreement.
I think you should have apologized to her. To just write it off as husband shouldn't have asked her blah, blah, blah seems really insensitive. She was probably very hurt after being asked to have the honor of being the Godparent and then being replaced by your own sister. SIL is as much an Aunt as your sister. As far as her not coming around any more she probably realizes that she is not welcome. So why would she?
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
sorry for the big long quote, but ALL of this... stated perfectly!!!
I agree with this. You don't like second showers and that's fine but this seems to be more about you hating your SIL. As PP said, if you are invited, don't go.
Thanks for your comments -
To clear things up a bit - H has 3 brothers and I have two sisters - I was simply trying to include some of my family as God parents - was only getting 2 of the six from my side. In the end I only got one of the six.
To the OP (and this is JMO)
1) She should not have registered for a 2nd shower (or at least put the info on the invite - if she did). Since you have not received your invite maybe you won't get one. I would not go...but I would still get something for the baby after he/she is born (I always do regardless of what baby it is). RE: a new bathtub...if it has that foam stuff in it, it's possible it's gross by now...especially if she used it for any length of time. I never used one at all (for 3 kids)...but some people like them. I DID need another monitor though since I was still using the other one for my 3 year old.
2) The Godparent thing would have upset me if my DH had not addressed it with me before asking his sister-in-law (who is no blood relation at all). Why would your MIL care...it's not like your SIL is HER child? If the Godfather is one of your DH's brothers then it is not necessary the Godmother is his wife. It is nice to have them from different families. We do...which is a good thing because one always remembers birthdays and the other one remembers Easter and Christmas.. You could still have your sister be Godmother (just have another ceremony privately). Nothing wrong with 2 Godmothers...especially for triplets!
3). If you get a gift after the baby is born then you would be purchasing it FOR the baby and not your DH's SIL.
Personally, I'd be upset as well...although not about the shower, but about the whole Godmother episode (especially if one of your DH's brothers is Godfather). Maybe on your DH's side they do showers for every pregnancy - some do. Like I said earlier don't attend if you get an invite...just be busy that day and at that time. I'm sure with 3 babies you can find an excuse.
I'm not sure why you're offended over a shower you aren't invited to. And if you do get invited, don't go. It's an invitation, not a subpeona. But it sounds like you are actually upset at not being invited - although you admit you dont' really like one another.
As for your baby stuff- pass it on if you want, don't pass it on if you don't want to. It's your choice, 100%.
The Godparent issue- sounds like it was very poorly handled, starting w/ you and your DH and your communication issues. I mean, who the F goes and asks someone to be a GP w/o making sure their spouse is actually on the same page? And his side has 5 of the spots and you only have 1? And you only got that one because you made your DH go back and "take it back" from his sister? Sounds like a bigger issue w/ your DH than anything else.
And yes, I can ABSOLUTELY see why she'd be hurt to given this honor and have it taken away.
While this isn't the MIL's issue and it sounds like they blew it up more than they should have, at the same time, it sounds liek YOU need to show a little empathy and understanding as to why this would be upsetting.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
As for the shower, its tacky but since you aren't invited, I wouldn't spend one second worrying about it.
I don't see why you are upset about the shower either. Even if you end up being invited, who cares? She would only be doing it to include you. Also, if you don't like people having two baby showers, then don't go. I don't see why you're "offended" by it. It's her life and if she wants to have another one, let her.
As far as the tub issue goes, that sound pretty childish. No offense. Why do you care that she wants a new (clean) tub for her baby? Big whoop.
The Godparent thing really annoys me. You are saying that of all 3 of your kids, only 1 of the godparents is related to you? I would be PISSED and would have never allowed that to happen. However, whats done is done, and you need to move on.
Hehe that's what I was thinking! I have a SIL and MIL from hell so I get it!!