making my life hard

labellaella

ok, so my bf first said that he was okay with adoption, and then i started talking with a couple i really liked, and i told him about them, and he was all like ' i thought you were just joking about the adoption thing, i don't want you to give my son away' and ive been soooo stressed recently, and now i dont know whether i should take the hard route and try to talk him into it, or the other hard route and try to keep the baby..... i do want to keep him but im worried about how well make it and his mother hates me and wants to try to take the baby from me and i just grrrrrr so frustrated

House of Lovelock

Depending on your state, you may not be able to place without his consent.  I would find a good counselor to talk to who can help you navigate 1. your feelings and 2. the logistics of it. Hoping for the best for you, your baby, and the situation!  I will pray for you right now! 

labellaella

i'm not going to place unless he is totally okay with it i love my bf and i want us to make this choice together

labellaella

i could ask him but he wont return my calls right now

ty 

Dr.Loretta

When he's ready to talk to you, I strongly encourage you to have him talk to someone about this, with you, so you can make a decision together.

labellaella

ok thanks

Courtneyluff

I am very sorry this is so hard for you. You are in my thoughts.

srmmm09

labellaella:

i could ask him but he wont return my calls right now

ty 

 I don't mean this to sound as snotty as it may sound over the internet, but, having been in a very similar situation, I really think the guy who won't return your calls when you need him is not a guy you need at all.

Regardless of whether you place or parent, don't keep a fair-weather boyfriend around. They just drag you down, you know? 

labellaella

he just needs time and he'll come around for me i know he will

ellekae

labellaella:

he just needs time and he'll come around for me i know he will

Praying for you guys!!

labellaella

ty ellekae

CaptainSerious

I know you didn't really ask for advice and were just venting, but I'm going to lay this out there anyway, for you to consider as you see fit:  all you can do is decide if the best thing for you and the baby is for you to parent. It sounds like you already made that decision and were on the way to making an adoption plan.  if that's true, I don't think you should decide to parent because your boyfriend wants you to. He has every right to decide to parent the child himself, or to create a plan that would make it possible for you to coparent with him, but I don't think it is wise for you to decide to parent because he is requesting you to if you would otherwise have persued an adoption plan.  Please understand that I am not trying to convince you to place your child, but rather saying that his asking you to parent might not be the best reason for you to turn away from an adoption plan if you were already committed to and sure of that plan.

labellaella

i want to raise my baby. i really do. im just in a tough spot.

CaptainSerious

I really do understand that, and that's the only thing that should bear weight on your decision.  What I was trying to say last night, but didn't really get out, is that you said he asked you not to make an adoption plan, but you didn't say if he stepped up and told you all his ideas of how he was going to help you parent, instead.  Without a believable committment from him, I'm not sure your circumstances have changed. <p> That being said, if you really want to parent, but the only thing holding you back are finances, then you should talk to a counselor who can help you understand all the different types of help and programs for which you might qualify.  You may be in a tight spot right now, but that may not mean that your only option is to place.  Please seek out counseling from a crisis center.  They should explain all your options, not just adoption, so you have a more clear picture of what your future could look like if you choose to parent.  If they only discuss adoption or seem to push you in that direction, leave and find a counselor from a different place.

Susie110709

My BM (I'm adopted) was married when she conceived me (not with her husband) and made the choice to find loving parents for me. She did eventually marry my BF and they had two children together. 

That being said, I'm glad they made the choice to find loving parents for me. At the time, they weren't in a situation where they could've provided me with a stable and loving home. My BM had all the support in the world from her family to either keep me, or find me a home, and it was actually her mother who found knew my parents and approached them about adopting me at birth. 

If he's not willing to return your calls now, is that really the type of person you want to keep in your life, or your child's life whether you choose adoption or not? You could also look for parents willing to choose open-adoption so you still have contact with your child. 

labellaella

im not gonna place the baby if he doesnt want to we need to make the descision together because its our baby together and i know hell help me out if we decide to keep him or place him