S/O Open Marriage

TunaTown

I don't get it.

Why get married in the first place?

I mean, I could see it as a trade off for not getting divorced in cases where a couple is totally loaded and has a ton of investments (like, the Clinton's). It would be cheaper and less messy to stay together than haggle thru divorce proceedings.

And is there a difference between having an open marriage / being classified as swingers?

FezzesAreCool

open marriages never work.  Ever. 

kcisthebombdotcom

I can see why some people are drawn to it.

They get all the benefits of being in a relationship with all the benefits of getting to whore around.

ammare

Scout2005:

I will be honest and say I don't get it either, I guess other than possible tax/medical benefits advantages.

I'm of the "to each their own" camp until kids come into the picture. I kind of think once you have children,  you need to realize how something like this could affect them.

This is how I feel. People like to talk. It will eventually affect the kids.

kbingram51

What's it called when people only have sex with each other, and sometimes 3-somes? I could only ever see that possibly working.

Not for me, not in the least. I'd worry too much about things being said/diseases being spread while I'm not there. And I think I would always worry my SO would end up liking being with someone else more than me.

Not my relationship though.

[Deleted User]

Meh, marriage means different things to different people.  To me, fidelity is implied, but other people don't have to feel that way.  It's a contract, and if all parties feel they are fulfilling it, good for them.  It doesn't affect my marriage in the least.  Neither does it affect my marriage if other people get divorced.

BelleIsa

For some people, sex is sex (not love or something more meaningful).  So, for those people, an open marriage could make sense. You get the benefits of a marriage (companionship, intimacy etc.) but you're also free to go get your sex on.

It's not really for me, but I don't really care one way or another if other people have this type of marriage.

grr_aargh

TunaTown:

And is there a difference between having an open marriage / being classified as swingers?

Open marriage: Couple is allowed to date other people. Relationships can develop. 

Swingers:  Couple gets it on with other people, together? Apart? Whatever.  Sex only.  

 

Polyamory is a many-splendored thing.  Not *my* thing, to be clear but I know a lot of swingers/open marriage folks and polyamorous triads/quartets.

For me, it's too many poles, too many holes.  

grr_aargh

overture:

Meh, marriage means different things to different people.  To me, fidelity is implied, but other people don't have to feel that way.  It's a contract, and if all parties feel they are fulfilling it, good for them.  It doesn't affect my marriage in the least.  Neither does it affect my marriage if other people get divorced.

I'm here for the most part, though there are some studies (who knows if they're flawed by our Victorian standards? I don't. ) that show a marked increase of child sexual abuse in polygamous homes, which is why the legal standard of marriage tends to be monogamous, historically.

 

But I wouldn't mind having an extra wife.  Someone to fold the laundry. Because #$(* the laundry.  

kbingram51

grr_aargh:

overture:

Meh, marriage means different things to different people.  To me, fidelity is implied, but other people don't have to feel that way.  It's a contract, and if all parties feel they are fulfilling it, good for them.  It doesn't affect my marriage in the least.  Neither does it affect my marriage if other people get divorced.

I'm here for the most part, though there are some studies (who knows if they're flawed by our Victorian standards? I don't. ) that show a marked increase of child sexual abuse in polygamous homes, which is why the legal standard of marriage tends to be monogamous, historically.

 

But I wouldn't mind having an extra wife.  Someone to fold the laundry. Because #$(* the laundry.  

KJmashup

grr_aargh:

overture:

Meh, marriage means different things to different people.  To me, fidelity is implied, but other people don't have to feel that way.  It's a contract, and if all parties feel they are fulfilling it, good for them.  It doesn't affect my marriage in the least.  Neither does it affect my marriage if other people get divorced.

I'm here for the most part, though there are some studies (who knows if they're flawed by our Victorian standards? I don't. ) that show a marked increase of child sexual abuse in polygamous homes, which is why the legal standard of marriage tends to be monogamous, historically.

 

But I wouldn't mind having an extra wife.  Someone to fold the laundry. Because #$(* the laundry.  

Word to all of this--especially the last part. 

ShellShockedMama

Dude, I dont have enough desire for sex with multiple people. Sounds like more work to me. 

insertclevername

KJmashup:

grr_aargh:

overture:

Meh, marriage means different things to different people.  To me, fidelity is implied, but other people don't have to feel that way.  It's a contract, and if all parties feel they are fulfilling it, good for them.  It doesn't affect my marriage in the least.  Neither does it affect my marriage if other people get divorced.

I'm here for the most part, though there are some studies (who knows if they're flawed by our Victorian standards? I don't. ) that show a marked increase of child sexual abuse in polygamous homes, which is why the legal standard of marriage tends to be monogamous, historically.

 

But I wouldn't mind having an extra wife.  Someone to fold the laundry. Because #$(* the laundry.  

Word to all of this--especially the last part. 

I have told DH that I want a sister wife.  He always just laughs at me.

Your Favorite Band Sucks

To each their own.

But I do think it's kind of shitty to do these sorts of things when you have kids. I mean, who wants the parents who are out banging random people?

Answer: no one. 

[Deleted User]

It sucks you guys don't understand.  Ever since I birthed this kid, I've got an even bigger hole in my life to fill.  Not one man can do it. 

Also, when DH travels to Utah for work, I ALWAYS ask him to bring home a wife that cleans. 

ShellShockedMama

sofamonkey:

It sucks you guys don't understand.  Ever since I birthed this kid, I've got an even bigger hole in my life to fill.  Not one man can do it. 

Open marriage as a cure for wizard sleeve, iiiiinteresting.  

[Deleted User]

ShellShockedMama:

sofamonkey:

It sucks you guys don't understand.  Ever since I birthed this kid, I've got an even bigger hole in my life to fill.  Not one man can do it. 

Open marriage as a cure for wizard sleeve, iiiiinteresting.  

Not much scares me, but I am very afraid to google wizard sleeve!!

KJmashup

ShellShockedMama:

sofamonkey:

It sucks you guys don't understand.  Ever since I birthed this kid, I've got an even bigger hole in my life to fill.  Not one man can do it. 

Open marriage as a cure for wizard sleeve, iiiiinteresting.  

My day = made. 

ShellShockedMama

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

sofamonkey:

It sucks you guys don't understand.  Ever since I birthed this kid, I've got an even bigger hole in my life to fill.  Not one man can do it. 

Open marriage as a cure for wizard sleeve, iiiiinteresting.  

Not much scares me, but I am very afraid to google wizard sleeve!!

Think: "hotdog down a hallway" or "what that duggar lady has left after 800 children" 

Echowysp

IMO, open marriages is usually the guy wanting to get freaky with other wang-tangs and the wife having to "make it right" by pretending that she's into him banging others.

Of course, they always pretend and say that they are ok with their guy having such little respect for them.  Otherwise, you look like a fool.

Venus04d

Meh. I can't get it up enough to care about open marriages, gay marriages, swingers, poly relationships, etc. However consenting adults want to define their relationships is up to them. I have known couples who have open marriages and it wasn't a slutty, marriage wrecking sorta thing. They were pretty boring, actually.

I definitely think their children need to be thought about in every decision about how open they are about it, the partners they choose, whatever.

I have a hard time understanding because I would never be okay with sharing my DH with anyone. For us, sex is not something we would want to share with others. It's something special we choose to only offer one another. If someone else doesn't view sex in that way, I don't think it makes them a bad parent, a slut, or doomed to fail as a couple. 

madamsmurfette

Scout2005:

I will be honest and say I don't get it either, I guess other than possible tax/medical benefits advantages.

I'm of the "to each their own" camp until kids come into the picture. I kind of think once you have children,  you need to realize how something like this could affect them.

I agree with this.

Also, open marriage is when the couple agrees each partner can date/f'uck other people and does so outside of the marriage. Swinging is an activity the partners do together, usually with another couple(s) or at a swingers club.

Echowysp

Stardust225:

madamsmurfette:

 at a swingers club.

Wait. Those really exist?

Oh yes.  A good friend of mine showed me her dh's online searches for sex clubs back then they were married and wondered if it was a bad sign.  Turns out he was into it and forced her into it too.  She pretended she was into it, but admitted later when she had to run away to escape abuse that she did it to keep him.

Your Favorite Band Sucks

I don't care how many dicks isacdimi sits on this year, but I do feel sorry for her children, especially since people in their town obviously know about their sexcapades and gossip about them.

I knew a kid whose mom hooked up with random men while the dad was on business trips and he and his siblings were so embarrassed by their mother. They all four went off to college and never came back. They won't even show their faces in this town on holidays. Sad.  

If you're going to do these sorts of things, you could at least be a little discreet about it. Although, I don't think you can ever really be discreet. I know a few couples in "open relationships", they are all just dating though and everyone in town knows. These sorts of things always tend to float up to the surface, you know? 

judahsmommy1

I think my biggest question about the whole this is what happens when you develop actual deep feelings for someone else? Just like I'm not enough of an idiot to believe that you can only be sexually attracted to one person, I'm not enough of an idiot to believe that you can only create a deep intimate relationship with one person. Sure, you can put up boundaries, but affairs happen because someone develops deep enough feelings for someone else that they don't care about those boundaries any more. It just seems like having an open relationship is just asking for your partner to develop a relationship that is new/exciting/satisfying/interesting enough that it challenges the boundaries that you've set.