My MIL (again)

ellekae

So, my in-laws are visiting for the weekend. DH had to go out for a bit, and after he left, my MIL asked me if I was on birth control.

That got us started on the topic of having more kids, so our adoption plan came up. She said some really harsh stuff... adopted kids have problems, adopted kids steal stuff, he/she won't really be "your" kid, he'll always know you aren't his "real" parents, what if the adopted kid causes problems with ButterBean, etc.

I tried calmly educating her about how adoptions work now... what open adoption can be like. I explained that our baby will be, in every sense except DNA be "our child", and she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

I finally had to tell her that I disagree with her, but I understand why she feels that way. I told her that I appreciate that she is concerned since I know it's only because she loves us. Then I gave her a hug and said, "I know you love me, and that you'll love our kids no matter where they come from." She smiled, said thank you, and left the room.

I am still shaking. 

But, I don't feel angry at her. I just feel sad that she's being so stubborn (I know where DH gets it haha). And I feel sad that she's going to look back on this after our baby comes home and feel bad/silly for saying such rude things to me. I wish DH had been here to hear all of it.

BAH! This is so hard!

sewolff

Your MIL asked if you're on birth control?  And you didn't tell her to mind her own business?  And I thought my MIL had boundary issues.

reenie83

I think that you handled it in a really respectful way when I'm sure your emotions were raging. Hopefully she'll look more into learning about adoption since she knows this is your plan. The more educated she becomes will hopefully change her fears.

crene84

Wow, I don't think I could hold my cool like you did, props for that!  I really hope none of my family is thinking that way.  If they are, they would never say it.

But you're right, once the baby comes, she probably will look back and feel bad but that's not your fault.  You handled it amazingly from the sound of it!

ellekae

sewolff:

Your MIL asked if you're on birth control?  And you didn't tell her to mind her own business?  And I thought my MIL had boundary issues.

Ha. Before our wedding, she sat me down, and tried to give me a sex talk. I was like, "Hi, I'm 25. I know what sex is." At least she prefaced it this time with, "May I ask you a personal question?" Maybe next time, I should say, "Not right now." I'm sure that would go over really well. :P

jerseygirl-37

WOW!  I think you handled that very well! As an adoptee, I'm here to tell you I turned out just fine. My adoptive parents were very good to me, I could not have asked for better or more loving parents!

Don't worry she'll come around!

ellekae

Thanks for letting me vent, guys! Your responses made me smile. I definitely had some snark in my mind all day, but somehow I managed to keep it inside.

DaisyZH

Kudos to you on your kind and generous response to your MIL.  I would be really hurt if my MIL said that to me.  I think you handled it perfectly.  She is very lucky to have such a gracious daughter-in-law, I hope she appreciates you!!

IRR

ellekae:

I finally had to tell her that I disagree with her, but I understand why she feels that way. I told her that I appreciate that she is concerned since I know it's only because she loves us. Then I gave her a hug and said, "I know you love me, and that you'll love our kids no matter where they come from."

I

LOVE THIS!!!!  You are going to make a great mommy with any kid lucky enough to be placed with you.

ellekae

IRR:

LOVE THIS!!!!  You are going to make a great mommy with any kid lucky enough to be placed with you.

Thanks! There were a few other interesting moments this weekend, but I think we are all going to survive. We'll just have to take this slowly and educate her.

On a side note, my sis called me last night and let me know that she and her DH are going to begin pursuing being foster parents! Woo!!