Did anyone else go through this? (Total emo post)

jfoster04

So I was looking at my month board, and some of the ladies are talking about how they are TTC, or how LO#2 is doing. Please don't get me wrong. It makes me so happy to see how thrilled these ladies are and it's exciting to see people that I "know" go through something that we all went through together, but my monster is an only child. I am #3 of 4 kids and I can't immagine what my life could have been with out my 2 sisters and my late brother. Like just this morning, I got a text from my older sister that was super supportive, just out of the clear blue sky. As kids, and now as adults, My sisters were my best friends (when we weren't pulling eachother's hair out). The day that my brother passed was one of the single worst days of my life, but I have so many memories of him that sometimes I forget that he is gone. Sometimes I talk about him like he is still here, but it's been like 5 years sense he passed. He helped make me the woman that I am.
I feel so guilty. Am I letting my monster down? I mean by his being an only child? I feel like his life would be so much different if he had a little brother or sister.
I have always seen myself a a mother of several kids, and now I am not sure that I want anymore. I am "seeing" someone, taking it slow and all, and he has mentioned in a casual way that he does want to have kids.... so that's good, but I guess I am just living in today and trying not to think about "tomorrow" with him.

This is just what everyone calls one of the "not so good days", right?

 PS- today would have been my 4th Anniversary, so I think this is partially an emotional rambling. Thanks for reading.

FyreFlyeRush

I felt like that for years with DD. I debated IUI. Adoption. Foster care. But, then I got to the point where I didn't want to start over. When I DID become pregnant again, I felt guilty for making her share me after 16 years. I'm back to square one, where I think maybe I should give DS a sibling through IUI. I'm never doing the BD thing again. 

septmom11

My thoughts exactly!  The ladies on my board discuss TTC and expecting new babies all the time.  Im only 27 but im scared i will never find someone and have more kids    DD will not grow up close in age to any potential siblings like i did and it makes me sad.

melamax26

I want to chime in, because I've been there and done that!

I was 25 when my DD1 was born. I decided to adopt her when she was 8 months old. At the time she was living as a foster child with my parents. Everything worked out and we finalized the adoption in 2006.

I didn't meet my DH until I was 31, so I spent 5+ years as a single mom wondering the same thing. And then I met DH and we were married a little over a year later and THEN our DD2 was born 4 days past our 1st anniversary.

I felt all kinds of guilt when I was pg because I was sure I was messing up DD1's life. My DH also adopted DD1 on Valentine's Day before DD2 was born and he constantly reminded me I wasn't ruining DD1's life.

I was 1 of 5 girls so I had 4 sisters growing up and I remember thinking how great it would be to be an only child. As a single mom of one DD I had no problem keeping it that way for the rest of my life. I was a single mom by choice and although I wanted to find my SO it didn't consume me and eventually it did happen.

So hang in there and remember you have your entire life ahead of you to decide what's right for you and your LO.

jfoster04

melamax26:

I want to chime in, because I've been there and done that!

I was 25 when my DD1 was born. I decided to adopt her when she was 8 months old. At the time she was living as a foster child with my parents. Everything worked out and we finalized the adoption in 2006.

I didn't meet my DH until I was 31, so I spent 5+ years as a single mom wondering the same thing. And then I met DH and we were married a little over a year later and THEN our DD2 was born 4 days past our 1st anniversary.

I felt all kinds of guilt when I was pg because I was sure I was messing up DD1's life. My DH also adopted DD1 on Valentine's Day before DD2 was born and he constantly reminded me I wasn't ruining DD1's life.

I was 1 of 5 girls so I had 4 sisters growing up and I remember thinking how great it would be to be an only child. As a single mom of one DD I had no problem keeping it that way for the rest of my life. I was a single mom by choice and although I wanted to find my SO it didn't consume me and eventually it did happen.

So hang in there and remember you have your entire life ahead of you to decide what's right for you and your LO.

 you made me cry. ?  thank you.
PS- you are my hero.

jfoster04

melamax26:

I want to chime in, because I've been there and done that!

I was 25 when my DD1 was born. I decided to adopt her when she was 8 months old. At the time she was living as a foster child with my parents. Everything worked out and we finalized the adoption in 2006.

I didn't meet my DH until I was 31, so I spent 5+ years as a single mom wondering the same thing. And then I met DH and we were married a little over a year later and THEN our DD2 was born 4 days past our 1st anniversary.

I felt all kinds of guilt when I was pg because I was sure I was messing up DD1's life. My DH also adopted DD1 on Valentine's Day before DD2 was born and he constantly reminded me I wasn't ruining DD1's life.

I was 1 of 5 girls so I had 4 sisters growing up and I remember thinking how great it would be to be an only child. As a single mom of one DD I had no problem keeping it that way for the rest of my life. I was a single mom by choice and although I wanted to find my SO it didn't consume me and eventually it did happen.

So hang in there and remember you have your entire life ahead of you to decide what's right for you and your LO.

 you made me cry. ?  thank you.
PS- you are my hero.

LightTouch

I grew up and only child and can't say it was bad.  I have a great family and a great relationship with them, and honeslty, my little one will be an only child and I am ok with it.  Nothing wrong with it.  (you don't know what you are missing if you never had it)

brokenwings6

I can't say I've gone through it, but I do have these fears being a soon-to-be single mom. I wish I could have the excitement of planning a family, with mulitiple children. It's good to know I'm not alone in thinking about these things.