25 week loss

BgBritt04

It has been three weeks since my daughter was born.  She passed away on July 28, 2012, 10 days after she was born.  This is my husband and I's first pregnancy.  My husband and I are very healthy people.  We have no medical conditions.  I developed preeclampsia at 24 weeks and 4 days.  I made it to exactly 25 weeks before delivering my daughter by emergency c-section.  I am struggling with "why me" and "why us' and simply just "why'.  I have no medical conditions that would cause preeclampisa (that I know of) and don't understand why my daughter didn't survive.  I wish there was answers and I wish I knew if I was going to be able to carry a child. (I have been told the earlier you get preeclmapisa the more likely you are to get it in other pregnancies and earlier) I was able to get pregnant easily and I had every intention of being the pregnant lady who works up until she goes into labor.  I am just feeling so empty and angry and so many other emotions I can't explain. 

lrichmond86

I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl.  I lost my son at 31 weeks after developing pre-e at 29 weeks, however they say that his death most likely was unrelated to the pre-e.  There are so many why's in those first few weeks, and for long after.  I know it's almost impossible, but try not to focus on the whys but the hows... how do we honor our child's memory while still moving forward, how do we come to accept this reality, etc.  Please know that there are many women here who have been where you are and understand all of the complicated feelings that come with that.  Thoughts and prayers for you and your family!

jlcrhw

I am so sorry for your loss. Today is also three weeks since my daughter was born and passed. I don't understand why either and I don't know if I ever will. I miss her every day. 

The ladies here are wonderful and I hope you are able to find the comfort and support here that I have.My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

 Huge ((((Hugs))))

a&aw12707

I am so sorry for your loss. The ladies here are wonderful and offer lots support.

sebailey6

lrichmond86:

I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl.  I lost my son at 31 weeks after developing pre-e at 29 weeks, however they say that his death most likely was unrelated to the pre-e.  There are so many why's in those first few weeks, and for long after.  I know it's almost impossible, but try not to focus on the whys but the hows... how do we honor our child's memory while still moving forward, how do we come to accept this reality, etc.  Please know that there are many women here who have been where you are and understand all of the complicated feelings that come with that.  Thoughts and prayers for you and your family!

I'm so sorry for your loss. You will find many women on here who know exactly how you are feeling and always have great advice!! Or even just a listening ear when you need it.

I just love what you said lrichmond and how you said it! This is exactly what I have done and seems to be working pretty well for me. It's still not easy to accept, but it's what we have to try to do to survive and move on with our lives. It's what our angels would want us to do (as cliche' as that may sound).

 

ally2011

I am incredibly sorry for your loss.  My husband and I are both also healthy and have no history off issues....sadly, that does not mean much, which I did not know before.  Grief is a long journey, nothing can prepare you for losing a child.  Be kind to yourself, be patient, and understand that it is normal for you to not feel like you....you will again, but it will take time.  Some books I recommend are Grieving the Child I Never Knew, The One Year Book of Hope, Empty Cradle Broken Heart, and Good Grief (by Westberg).  Good Grief especially helped me understand how I was feeling, that it was normal, and that I was not going crazy.

We are all here for you as much as you need.  I am so very sorry for your loss.

Hugs,

Jenn 

lmielocl1

I am so sorry for your loss!  It is very natural to think a lot about why me, why us or why. I know for me, this will last a lifetime but I too am working on making sure that I honor my little boy to best of my ability!  You have found a wonderful place for support.  Although I wish this board was never needed, I find it nice to know there is a place that others truly understand what we all are going through.  (((hugs)))

- Leslie 

Petunia844

I'm so sorry for your loss.  My son was born sleeping at 33 weeks after developing pre-e at 32 weeks.  I too have no risk factors, I am super healthy and almost never get sick.  I was terrified to get pregnant again, but after 2.5 months I did get pregnant.  I am now 30 weeks with no signs or symptoms of pre-e (knock on wood).  You are more than welcome to pm me or read my blog when you are up to it.  Big hugs, I'm so sorry again, just know you are not alone.

Bayberry12

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I know how hard it is get through days without your little one.  I wish you didn't have to be here, but I am glad you found this board, the women here have helped me get through so much.   

lrichmond86:

I know it's almost impossible, but try not to focus on the whys but the hows... how do we honor our child's memory while still moving forward, how do we come to accept this reality, etc.  

This is very well said, and even though it seems so hard not to question everything and I know you don't want to accept what has happened, with time it will get easier.   

dandywarhol

I am so sorry for your loss. 

tuscanbride2007

I am so sorry for the loss of you daughter. Unfortunately, most of us don't know why we were chosen to give birth early, or to a sleeping baby. I hope that you find some comfort here among these amazing women. They have helped me so much in my grief journey.

 ((HUGS))

jbranden12

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. My husband and I lost our first child, our daughter Patricia, at 31 weeks in March. It was a shock as I was 25 and healthy with a picture perfect pregnancy. I struggle with the "why me," and we also do not have a cause of death. You don't have to explain your emotions to us, we understand. I am so sorry to welcome you here.

cmenasco

I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope find that this board is helpful.  The ladies here are awesome, and although I have only been here for a month, they have been a huge help. 

One thing that has helped me so far is a started a log/diary/journal.  I went back and wrote down all I was feeling the few days before I knew, how happy I was and then all the events there after.  It has helped me write then down and I am addresssing it all to my little baby girl.  I know she can hear me and go through this struggle together.  I miss her every day.  

Big Hugs to you!! 

sloannmark

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I understand the emptiness and anger and hope you can find comfort and support here.

Carolee

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter.  I still struggle with the "why me/us" questions 2 years later.  It can be very hard to deal with.  I hope you find support and comfort here.

HollyBee1022

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.  The "why me's" are so frustrating; I wish we could all get those questions answered.  My thoughts are with you and your husband.

BgBritt04

My profile picture was taken by a professional photographer the NICU offered after her passing.  We were unsure of getting the pictures taken but we are so glad we did! Kinsley was our beautiful daughter's name! And as silly as this sounds , that is another thing I'm so upset about.  Her name, my husband and I just love it and are sad we don't get to address her in person daily.  The support by everyone here is very comforting and it's nice to know that the feelings we all experience are not off the wall but common with most the women here. I still struggle as Saturday will be our daughter's one month birthday, but I've been told time heals all. Just keeping that mind set and knowing that God makes no mistakes even though we may not understand his reasoning for taking our precious children.