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June 2011 Moms
rlmanning
member
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Temper Tantrums... advice
rlmanning
member
I would like to know how you all are dealing with temper tantrums. Bay has just recently (since last week) really been throwing major temper tantrums. She has been such a good baby and now all of a sudden she cries if we take something away from her that she wants, or tell her no. She does this whine scream/grunt a lot. And to top it off last night at the bowling alley she was throwing herself on the floor and crying because we took her off of her grandmas walker that she was playing on with grandpa. I explained to her Grandma needs her walker so she can sit down, her owie is hurting her (my MIL just had hip replacement surgery a month ago).
I really dont know how to handle these situations with out either looking like a push over or like I am a tyrant. I mean I tell her no in a really sturn voice but that really doesnt do much. I feel like everyone is watching and judging every move I make trying to correct her.
What do you ladies do when in public and your LO does something like this.
Our World!!
Blaine Emerson Bailey Rae
3-31-14 6-10-11
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Temper Tantrums... advice
At home, I lay her down in a safe place and walk away from her after telling her "no maam. No fits" Doing that for a while around 10 months has MOSTLY put an end to this.
In public, I say the same, but I remove her from the situation. At a bowling alley, I'd probably try to walk outside with her. A change of atmosphere usually snaps her out of it.
At this point, I think the fits are mostly frustration with not being able to communicate fully. I don't think they're at a point where they can understand WHY they can't do something (like I think understanding that your grandma needs her walker because she's hurt is just beyond their capacity right now), but substitution or removal from the situation seems to work pretty well.
I'm a FTM though, so I'll look forward to other responses!
When DS does this, we tell him why we moved him/took something away/etc and then we ignore him until he stops crying. Sometimes we try to distract him with a toy or something. Thankfully, he has only had a fit one time in public (so far) and I just left the store with him.
Honestly, the tantrums don't bother me as much as the blatantly defiant behavior - purposely doing things he knows he's not allowed to do.
BFP#1: 01/10, M/C 6w
BFP#2: 06/10, M/C 5w
BFP#3: 09/10, DS born June 1, 2011
BFP#4: 07/12, M/C 5w3d
BFP#5: 12/12, EDD 08/18/13
My Blog: Decorate This
We are dealing with the same thing and I'm a FTM as well so by no means an expert! I've done some reading online and also just ordered a book over the weekend on toddler discipline so we could know how to handles these types of situations. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553384422/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i01 It hasn't come in yet but I am anxiously awaiting it's arrival! I'll give you all a recap
Right now, I find that catering to him when he's having a screaming fit does nothing except encourage the bad behavior. Usually his temper tantrums start when he wants something he can't have or already has something he shouldn't and we take it away. I used to try console him, offer him other toys or basically bend over backwards to make him happy but that didn't really work. Now I find that if I ignore his temper tantrum within 2 minutes he stops crying and has moved on once he realizes he's not getting attention for screaming. In a public place that is hard. I think Carla's suggestiong to go outside is a good idea. I also want to say as moms we always feel like people are watching us or judging us for the way we parent, especially in public. Don't be afraid to have confidence in the way you handle your child. You know what's best for your child and if you have thoughtfully developed appropriate responses to your child's behavior don't let the eyes of strangers make you feel like you are doing something wrong. I know, easier said than done!
I am glad that I'm not the only one dealing with this (not that I wish tantrums on any of you). We haven't had one occur in public yet (knock on wood...), but I think I'd just remove her from the situation, even if that meant just sitting with her in the car until she calmed down.
At home, I just let her go at it. She throws herself on the floor and rolls around screaming, and I just ignore it and let her do it. She's safe, she's not hurting, and she's just upset because I took something away or stopped her from doing something unsafe. She just wails and looks around to see if anyone's watching, so while we're keeping an eye on her during the tantrums, we ignore her so she doesn't get the attention she wants. I find that she stops sooner when she thinks we're not watching. She usually gets up and walks over to me pretty quickly when she realizes it isn't working.
I agree witht his right here 100%. MIL feels differently. She thinks that Bay is just being a brat. I try to explain that she is only 13 months old and this is her way of communicating. But everyone seems to look at me like I am an idiot and am going to raise this bratty child. It really makes me 2nd guess my parenting. I talk to DH and he says I am doing a great job and not to let them get to me. Myaybe this is for a different post. LOL.
I just really wanted to know what other moms were doing and if I am being naive. But it seems that I am doing the same thing you all are doing. I will try taking her outside if it happens again.
Any othe ideas would be great. I will continue to check back on this post.
Thanks ladies!
Our World!!
Blaine Emerson Bailey Rae
3-31-14 6-10-11
Not a first time mom, so I could careless what others think.
I also don't really think of Alexis having temper tantrums. She has one heck of a temper but I don't think of it as a tantrum, maybe I weird though. I just take her away from what she is doing because she is ignoring me, tell her no leave it alone or something like that. I don't believe in giving explanations at this age they don't care/understand or even have the ability to list to it all. She will get pretty dang pissed and then continue on her merry way. It's pretty much rinse and repeat at this age.
Since I have 4 older kids (teens and young adults) and they don't walk all over me, are pretty well behaved I'm sticking to what I did with them. And yes each of them was a bit different so I would adapt.
Go with what feels right, ignore the other ppl it is your child.
Oh and ppl tend to forget what it is like with toddlers, some ppl only remember the easy stuff when they compare what it was like when they had kids.
I agree with Carla, I think your MIL is wrong for thinking that, don't second guess yourself. She wanted the walker, doesn't understand why she can't have it, so she communicates her displeasure to you in the only way she knows how to.
That being said, we're in the same situation with Liam...he's pretty laid back, until I take something away that he can't have, or pull him down from something that he's trying to climb (the kid is such a climber, this is new to me!), then his usual response to those situations is to cry or scream, throw himself on the floor, whatever he feels in that moment. I make sure he's safe, tell him, "No thank you, we don't (fill in blank here)" then walk away.
Photos from Libby Hilf Photography
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
The bolded part is actually what a BabyCenter article on this subject indicated as one of the reasons for the fits. It did recommend not to ignore the child though, as that can give them the impression that you don't care (or something along those lines). It recommended sitting with them and speaking soothingly to them, saying you understand that they're frustrated, etc., even though they likely don't quite understand what you're saying just yet.
Yes! Especially with throwing food off his tray.
DS sometimes hits me in the face when he's really angry at me (like if he's playing with something but I pick him up because we are leaving, etc.). He recently started hitting me in order to get DH's attention when he gets home from work. That really pisses me off. He will be playing or eating dinner just fine, then DH walks in and says hi to us, and if I'm holding DS he will look right at DH and then smack me in the face just to see DH's reaction. WTF?
As far as the hitting goes when I'm holding him, I basically use my forearm to pin his arms down by his tummy and I lean back and push his torso back so we have some distance between us and I say, "No. No hitting." Sometimes he will laugh and try to hit me again. If he continues to do it I just plunk him down on the ground on his butt. Then he cries and gets the idea that he can't touch me at all right then. When he is calm and I can tell he's not going to hit anymore, I give him kisses, stroke his head and in a soothing voice say, "Be gentle with Mama."
DS is instantly calmed if we go outside, so that works for tantrums at home. In public, I try to walk away with him and say (partly for the benefit of onlookers, so they know I'm not torturing my kid) "I know you're angry. You wanted to keep playing in the sand but it's time to go home." Or whatever the situation is.
You ladies seriously are a breath of fresh air. It feels much better to talk to you that are eather going through it or have gone through it. It is nice to know that I am not the only one.
With that said - Dannie this is a HUGE concern for me. I remember my mom just giving me "the look" and I knew I better shape up or I am going to get it when I get home. I always assumed this is how it would be with my kids. I never really thought about how difficult it would be to get to this point. Naive FTM.... LOL! I just want to be sure I am raising a child that respect me as her mom when she is older and not think she can run the house (as we see a lot of these days)...
Our World!!
Blaine Emerson Bailey Rae
3-31-14 6-10-11
Right now I think the best thing to do is to ignore the tantrum if at all possible. Once you start going into long speeches about why they can't do something, or if you give in, they won't listen and saying "no" in the future isn't going to be effective. Give them one warning (never give multiple warnings) and then if they keep doing it, immediately enforce the consequence (taking the toy or object away, moving them to a new spot, etc). Don't act angry, don't offer long explanations, just say "No, that is not allowed", and then ignore them if they throw themselves to the floor. When they don't get a response, they tend to get over it very quickly.
I just read a great discipline book, "Love and Logic for Early Childhood"- it was a great book! Here is my review of it from my blog, hopefully it helps someone:
https://www.lifewithkarma.com/2012/07/book-review-love-and-logic-for-early.html