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Attachment Parenting
Amberrrr
member
Help with STTN?
Amberrrr
member
I know this topic is talked about way too much, and I'm getting sick of it myself, but please bare with me. I have posted on other boards asking for suggestions on how to get my baby to STTN using methods besides CIO, and mostly all the feedback I got was different methods of CIO (even though I specifically stated that I won't do that. I will not put myself and my baby through that, even if it does work!)
At some point in time, Adam was sleeping through the night. This was around 2-3 months. But ever since then, he's been waking every hour again to nurse. I have resorted to co-sleeping because it just made more sense and I get more sleep this way. For a couple weeks, I was making an effort in trying to get him to sleep in his crib, but it never lasted for very long. After he would wake every hour every night, I just gave up and brought him in bed with us. Occasionally, I make a feeble effort to get him in the crib for naps/night. But he never lasts. I had an idea that if I got him to nap in his crib, he would sleep there at night comfortably. But the problem is he just wants to nurse at night.
On to the point of this post- I think I need to break him of night feedings. For a couple weeks, I have been trying to feed him more often during the day- before and after naps, even periods in between. This does not help at all.
I would just feel a great sense of accomplishment if I could get him to STTN in the crib! I like snuggling with him at night, and I know I'm going to miss him. But I have fears of still co-sleeping when he's three (or older, I hear these stories all the time). I am not sure if I'm on the right board for this topic, but as I said I've tried several other boards but got no useful feedback.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help with STTN?
First off - it's more common to have a 5 month old who doesn't STTN than one who does! So you aren't doing anything "wrong" there. Many babies will STTN early on and then hit the 4 month wakeful and don't go back until many months later. I think it's much easier on one's sanity to let go of the myth of STTN and focus on what works for a good nights sleep with a 1-2 nursing breaks a night (one of those could be a dream feed right before you go to sleep).
On night feedings...my opinion (and that of breastfeeding experts) is that you shouldn't force night weaning on a child until at least one - those night nursings are important for a lot of reasons. BUT I can totally understand that nursing every hour might not be working for you. There are ways to cut back on night nursings without cutting them out altogether. The No Cry Sleep Solution is a good place to start.
I'm all about bed-sharing ;-) And FWIW I bed shared with my oldest until 16 months at which point we transitioned him to his own bed. We are doing the same with Eleanor now. I think that society is a bit too obsessed with independent sleep - after all, I know many many adults who confess to having difficulties sleeping on their own ;-) There's nothing wrong with rocking those snuggles - I promise that when you aren't in love with bed sharing down the road, you can make the switch.
If bed sharing works for you now, don't worry about the naysayers. Go with what gets everyone sleep! That said, if you don't really like bed sharing, that's ok too. The No Cry Sleep Solution also has advice on getting baby to sleep in his own space if that's the goal.
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
1. Your LO is 5mo old. STTN would be unusual at this age, honestly. It is NOT a regression for babies to go from better sleepers as newborns to "worse" sleepers when they are older. They go from new-to-the-world and not having the sensory capacity to take in the world very well or for very long to gaining some competency (eye sight, head control, some beginning coordination, the capacity to stay awake longer). They naturally do not want to sleep at much and want to do their normal job of exploring the world. Some kids may sleep through the night at four months, but not all, and not "for keeps".
2. IMHO, 5mo is pretty early to ask them to go 12 hours without eating or drinking anything. You don't have to fully night wean in order to get some longer stretches. You can do partial night weaning as something of a compromise. https://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html is a good explanation of it and a method that's worked for a lot of people. You may get some crying out of it - but you are NOT leaving your LO alone to cry by themselves, and it's the cry of "I want something that you're not giving me" and this is the age where that is going to start happening and they don't get anything they want whenever they want it.
3. On the "I hear these stories all the time" - from where? I don't. And I know a lot of cosleeping parents. Because a lot of it is perspective. MANY, MANY kids come into their parents bed in the middle of the night or early morning into their early school years. It's totally normal. Our culture of "oh my, you all have to sleep in your own room or you'll grow up weird" is weird itself. It's a product of central heating (because it used to be really important that people share the same heated space) and the affluence to buy big enough houses. Not to mention that talking to a 5mo old about sleeping by themselves and talking to a 3yr old about sleeping by themselves are two TOTALLY different things and kids at those two ages have entirely different cognitive development to understand why they are being left alone.
4. If you have other cosleeping concerns/issues, that's ok. Cosleeping isn't for everyone, but there isn't one definition. Most people I know who cosleep for a longer period of time end up putting a mattress on the floor in their room for LO, which is what we did at 1yr, and has been great!
In sum, what he's doing is developmentally normal. Partial night weaning may be a big help. Don't let strangers scare you with unfounded "they'll stay in your bed forever" comments (which are patently untrue and as ludicrous as "they'll never stop nursing" comments).
The prior posters have given great advice. I am on the same birth month board as you, and I generally stay out of the discussion there but you are right, there is a lot of talk about "I know so-and-so who didn't do CIO and now they have a 4-year-old who still won't sleep," blah blah blah. As a STM with a first child who is a pretty horrible sleeper, I can tell you there is certainly more to "so-and-so's" story. CIO is not a magical solution or a mandatory step like people imply, and some kids just don't sleep for long stretches. Some adults don't, either, so I am not sure why this is a surprise to anyone.
That said, the No Cry Sleep Solution book is a good one to check out for suggestions on gentle methods to help your LO sleep better. Good luck!
I think I'm getting caught up in all the STTN talk. I was starting to feel weak when everyone mentioned the CIO methods even though I asked for other methods, as if it was the only way. I have read that Americans are really the only type to do this sort of thing. It's so cold!
I keep telling myself it's okay. And we will just wait until he lets me know he's ready. And then I go about my life, content. And then get on here and read all these posts about CIO and STTN. And then I feel like somehow I'm failing. I know I'm not, but I can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong when I see so much of this! I'm so tired of hearing it's the only way.
My pediatrician has three year old twins that still sleep in her bed. My H knows a guy at work with a 12 year old son who still sleeps in his parents bed. My husband slept in his parents bed until he was three. There have been others who have told me that if you co-sleep it will be really difficult to get them out. I won't mind it up to the first year, as that's when I plan on quitting breastfeeding. Plus he's only this little once, so why not embrace it as much as I can, right? It seems like everyone comes out about their babe STTN. And everyone always asks how he's sleeping. And when I say I co-sleep they give me the 'oooh it'll be so hard to get him out of your bed,' blahblah mumbo jumbo. I mean seriously, the kid wakes up every hour. I'd be a nut to do anything else!!!
The only people who should be worried about who is sleeping in your bed are the people sleeping in your bed!!
Americans do have a very bizarre obsession with infant sleep - babies are biologically hardwired TO WAKE at night! So we can do all we want to force them to sleep alone but we are fighting biology! And as was said before, plenty of people who do use CIO end up with toddlers, preschoolers or even older kids who need them in the night - and there's nothing wrong with a child needing someone in the night.
But I do think it's ok if you want to go for fewer night wakings - so check out the No Cry Sleep Solution - if nothing else, it will remind you that your baby is doing what babies are designed to do ;-)
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
This, absolutely. There is more going on here than just meets the eye in this case.
I would just feel a great sense of accomplishment if I could get him to STTN in the crib!
Why? I mean that sincerely - what about him STTN in his crib would equal success for you? Also, what does STTN mean to you, i.e. how many hours?
I can imagine waking up every hour isn't a recipe for a fun evening or happy mom. But I think you need to change your perspective. A 5m old baby isn't going to sleep 12hrs straight, people who have that experience are not typical. I think a more realistic goal would be stretching out the nighttime feedings if the constant waking isn't leading to good sleep for you.
Finally, you can stop co-sleeping at any time. Just like children don't nurse forever, wear diapers forever, etc. As babies grow and develop into toddlers and children they will change.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I agree with the other posters on a lot of things.
The only thing that will help a child sttn is "time." And I mean time on their own terms, not "ours." DS started sttn, most of the time, when he was 2. And this was after he totally weaned himself from nursing. And then there are still times he wakes up...he is sick, we are travelling, things are changing developmentally...lots of stuff. And I also give the argument that most adults do not sttn. I know I do not and never did.
As far as cosleeping, I also think it is normal/okay to cosleep for as long as the family wants. DS still sleeps with us one night a week and we call it "snuggle night." We all look forward to those nights...even DH, who was not always the most supportive of cosleeping. On the nights DS sleeps in his own room he is fine. We do what works for our family. I do not care what other people/society has to say, because it is our family's choice.