When CIO doesn't work

mbf124

I really don't know what else to do. I was doing Ferber with my daughter who is a frequent night waker, but checking on her just made things worse. We switched over to the extinction method (Weissbluth) about 7 days ago. She will still cry for 1+ hour every single night around 4 am. It's exhausting for everyone. If I go in there, even after an hour of crying, she gets more amped up and will cry even more.  (She's also up at 1am to eat, but doesn't cry much for that wake-up.)

Most babies respond in 3 days. I'm on day 7, plus we did about 3 weeks of Ferber before that. I don't know what else to do anymore. Has CIO not worked for anyone else?  

browneyedgoil

i never did a full version of CIO but i would let her cry for 10 minutes. if she cried for longer than that, usually she was hungry. i decided i wasn't going to not feed her. she did grow out of the 3-4am feeding once we introduced more solids. 

 

sportsmomma

My DS is the same way that he's more upset if I'm right there. No help here bc at this point we've just decided CIO isn't for us because of that. Every once in a while I think about trying again but after 5 min of crying even with me there rubbing his belly/back I give up. Now that he says mama and dada (randomly and interchangeably) when crying its even harder, so not much sleep for mama and dada around here! 

mbf124

Even if I do feed her, she will still cry for another 30+ minutes, so I know it's not the food she's looking for. 

Sometimes she will still cry if I pick her up and rock her. I just feel like none of the sleep books help because my baby doesn't fit the mold of a normal child. It's been super frustrating.

rockychryslerb2010

How much is LO sleeping during the day?  I notice E has more wakeful periods at night if he sleeps too much during the day.  Maybe look at daytime sleep to see if she is sleeping too much during the day.

KeyLime81

Does she already know how to self soothe herself to sleep?  (Goes to sleep well when you put her down for the night?  Goes down well for naps?)  If she knows how to self soothe and get herself to sleep, then, in my opinion, CIO won't work if she truly needs something.

I'd suggest feeding her at 4 for a few more weeks then try again.  

(I tried CIO for naps with my LO around 5.5 months.  It didn't work.  One day, he cried for an hour, so I just gave up CIO and did what I could to get him to nap.  I tried again at 7 months, and he's napping MUCH better now!  Sometimes you just need to give it more time.)

KeyLime81

mbf124:

Even if I do feed her, she will still cry for another 30+ minutes, so I know it's not the food she's looking for. 

Sometimes she will still cry if I pick her up and rock her. I just feel like none of the sleep books help because my baby doesn't fit the mold of a normal child. It's been super frustrating.

I didn't see this before I posted...

It's tough.  I told my DH that I wanted to get Ferber, Weissbluth, and Pantley all in the same room and watch them try to get LO to sleep.    Hang in there, mama!!  

hlc820

FerBer didn't work the first two times we tried. It finally worked, and the only difference is that we keep him awake 1-7 pm. He wakes for the day at 5:30-6am. He naps at 7:30-8 for an hour or hour and a half. He then naps from 11:30-1 or 12-1. I also try to feed him three times a day which we were never doing. He isn't a good eater but I offer the three times. I also do his night weaning where you add 30 minutes to the hrs between feeds. There were nights he cried 52 minutes by we never gave in. We kept doing the checks and eventually he tired out. One savior is his mobile. He has two. The baby einstein ocean soother and a wind up mobile. For whatever reason the wind up mobile works best. It seems like this time it just clicked. He still wakes twice but his fits stretch is now 6.5 hrs. I always nurse at his 4:30am waking or I worry he won't go back to sleep. Ferber is not for everyone and maybe you can try the the no cry sleep solution? Kwinkle can chime in with that. 

Chargersgrl33

We did CIO with LO and it worked within a day.  But with that being said, he will stop crying within 5 or so min.  Our longest was 14 and that was only fussing.  My SIL has a baby that will cry till he pukes and cry some more.  CIO wouldn't work for her if she tried.

kwinkle1980

I don't know much about Ferber, because I never tried it, but I did the No Cry Sleep Solution. Like hlc, the biggest difference I saw was when I introduced a consistent schedule and bedtime routine. That seemed to be the magic trick for me. It was a process, though. He was waking every 45 minutes at the height of our sleep troubles, and it took a month or so of consistency and patience to get him out of that pattern.

Now he sleeps from 7 pm to 6 am, with wake-ups at 10 pm and 3 am. His naps are at 9 and 1, and then like hlc said, we keep him up til bedtime after that. His  bedtime routine is: solids, bath, naked-rolling-on-floor time, diaper and jammies, nurse, story, bed. 

KYmama9286

I feel your pain- we never had sleep issues like this with DS, we did CIO with him and he was an awesome sleeper (still is!) DD on the other hand is a disaster. Nothing seems to work- we've tried ferber, straight up CIO, etc. Does she ever have nights where she sleeps decently (even if they are far and few between)? DD will very rarely have a few nights in a row where she will STTN so its even more frustrating b/c I know she can do it. Last night was particularly bad- DH was up w/ her from 12-1 then I took over and was up w/ her from 1-3am which is KILLER with my pregnancy fatigue. 

I've determined that her problem as of lately is teething. It seemed like she was a pretty good sleeper up until 3-4 mo old then she got worse. For a few months she wouldnt nap at all and was waking up 1-2x/night now its that she wont nap well AND she is up 1-2x/night except her night wakings are REALLY long now where as before she would wake up and we could comfort her back to sleep within 10-15mins. She was a disaster for about 3 weeks straight (up for 2+ hours a night after taking 2-3hours of crying/fussing to fall asleep) then she cut 2 teeth in 1 day. We got almost 1 full week of her sleeping decently and now she is back to sleeping like crap again- I am guessing her top teeth are coming in?

The only thing I've found that has seemed to help a tiny bit is using the 2,3,4 schedule during the day. Wake up and 2 hours after she wakes up put her down for her first nap, let her nap as long as she wants then 3 hours after she wakes up from that nap she goes down for another nap. After she wakes up from nap #2 wait 4 hours and that is bed time. It has seemed to work for her and is generally the natural schedule that kids this age get into on their own. I've just had to force it a little bit with her. GL! 

mbf124

Thanks for all of your replies...i know soo many of us have been there or still are with our LOs. 

Her bedtime routine is very consistent. She takes a bath, jammies, bottle and bed. I haven't rocked her to sleep since she was 5 months old, so she can definitely self-soothe.

She's not napping too much, I don't think. She takes 2 naps a day, the a.m. nap is pretty short (typically about 30-45 min) and the afternoon nap is about 2 hours.

She's never even close to STTN, so this isn't anything out of the ordinary for her. Although nap time used to be way easier, and just over the past week or so she's been fighting it. It's been taking me 30 min or more to get her to finally go to sleep.

I have thought many times that she might be sick or something. she's been slightly congested this week, but no other symptoms. She did throw up a couple of days ago, but it was a random thing.

I don't know what it is. I'm just so frustrated. I've read 3 sleep books and tried all of the methods. She doesn't respond to any of them. Her sleeping is much better than it once was, but I know at 8.5 months, she has the capability of STTN. I'll keep trying!  

glenrapids

i feel your pain.  we tried the sleep lady shuffle a few weeks ago and after 7 nights of crying, she showed no improvement.  so now we are back to either wearing her or pushing her in a stroller for EVERY nap and bedtime and then i need to lay with her for at least 30 minutes so that i can slip out when she's in a deep sleep.

in a few weeks, i'm going to try ferber.  if that doesn't work, i'm going to hire a sleep consultant.  it's not so much for me as it is for my daughter.  she needs to learn how to sleep!

mbf124

glenrapids:

i feel your pain.  we tried the sleep lady shuffle a few weeks ago and after 7 nights of crying, she showed no improvement.  so now we are back to either wearing her or pushing her in a stroller for EVERY nap and bedtime and then i need to lay with her for at least 30 minutes so that i can slip out when she's in a deep sleep.

in a few weeks, i'm going to try ferber.  if that doesn't work, i'm going to hire a sleep consultant.  it's not so much for me as it is for my daughter.  she needs to learn how to sleep!

 

I hope Ferber works for you guys! If you decide to go the sleep consultant route, please post about your experience. I'll be trying that next!