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oswansongo
member
How to handle ex-inlaws?
oswansongo
member
Hello ladies! I would love some insight into this, if possible.
Lately, my (soon to be) ex-family has really been worrying me. Before my husband and I separated, it was already something that concerned me, and now that we are getting a divorce that fear has grown even more for me. Without getting into the gritty details, my husband's relationship with almost all of his immediate family is very strained. I really don't know anyone in his family well enough to say anything for sure, but from our time together it seemed like everyone has distanced themselves from him for various reasons. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure they had good reason.
My husband is part Korean, through his mother, which means my daughter is also a part as well. I would love for my daughter to be able to learn about that side of her history, but the two have not spoken in at least a year (if not longer). He had a lot of animosity towards her our entire relationship, and it seems like she must have some for him as well. I have met her only once, when we were dating, and she said all of 5 words to me. Since then, she has not reached out to us once, even after our daughter was born.
It is my hope that she would want to have a relationship with her, since this would be her first grandchild, but I'm not really sure where to go from here. Before, when we were together, I left it up to him how we dealt with his family, but now that we're getting a divorce I am wondering if I should say something?
Since the separation, my ex has not seemed interested in trying to be on good terms with one another, and I know this will be hard on our daughter. I don't want to cut out a huge side of her family along with that. My family is small, but very close-knit, so I know she would get enough love, but my fear is that she will grow up with a huge question mark on her dad's side...
Sorry for the huge dump, but I don't know anyone I can ask. Personally, I am adopted, so I suppose I grew up just fine not knowing about either of my birth parents' backgrounds... but it just seems different when you *could* know, but can't. 
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Re: How to handle ex-inlaws?
Why can't your ex husband teach your daughter about her Korean heritage?
Leave the relationship between your ex and his mother alone. Who knows what kind of crazy or hateful stuff that distance has saved you from? While it is obvious that your history of being adopted is shaping your attitude about this situation, you need to take a step back and realize that just because someone is biologically related doesn't make them a healthy person to have in your life.
I'm assuming the MIL knows about her granddaughter, so I would leave that in her court. You can send pictures to the MIL if you want, just to extend the olive branch.
I Second this,...
Third!
I too would leave that alone-him not having a good relationship with his mother. however I would try to have a relationship with his mother
Just because her son is a *** doesn't mean you are. She might really love the fact that you're trying and its not fair that she has to suffer by not seeing lil one. I myself an in a predicament...my babies father broke up with me and wants nothing to do with this baby or my kids he was a stepfather too, but I loved his family and I still keep in touch with his sister and SIL and they appreciate it because they don't understand why he did what he did. This baby is still related to them even though the relationship fell apart.
Just try to be positive and give it a shot with his mother, it might be a really great thing