Frustrated, I have a biter

chitownmom

DD has been biting at daycare.  It is so frustrating.  I feel horrible that she is hurting other kids.  She is 2 and understands that it is not okay to bite.  She has never done it in front of me, only at daycare.  It is always provoked (not that it is okay), but when other kids take toys from her.  The teachers have threatened if it happens twice in one day that she will be sent home which I think rewards the biting.  Although if I were the other parent, I'd want her sent home.  Luckily she hasn't been sent home, but I do get concerned that she will get kicked out of daycare all together.  Today the teacher mentioned that the office staff is getting really upset about it and the other parents are upset too.  The director hasn't contacted me at all about it, so DH and I plan to talk to them.  DH and I keep on reminding DD that it is not okay to bite and that if another kid takes a toy to either say no or play with a different toy.  I'm not sure if we should consider looking at other daycares that might handle the situation better.

MrsWindyCity

What is your daycare's approach for when she bites?

chitownmom

They tell her biting is not okay and bring her to the office.  They also read a book that explains that biting is not okay.

Beckabooney

Maybe the biting gets such a big reaction that she doesn't understand it's bad, she just understands the attention.    We had a similar problem and DCP has a little different approach where they make the child apologize immidately, the biting child has to go and get the other child a boo boo buddy (an ice pack with a character on it).   Then the biting child has to sit in the 'alone zone' with a teacher to talk about why biting is not ok.    Making my DD say she was sorry and help the other kid feel better was a big turn around in changing her biting behavior.   Maybe you can talk to them about putting together a reaction plan that will work best for your DD. Good Luck!

LoCarb

Estwd2:

Beckabooney:

Maybe the biting gets such a big reaction that she doesn't understand it's bad, she just understands the attention.    We had a similar problem and DCP has a little different approach where they make the child apologize immidately, the biting child has to go and get the other child a boo boo buddy (an ice pack with a character on it).   Then the biting child has to sit in the 'alone zone' with a teacher to talk about why biting is not ok.    Making my DD say she was sorry and help the other kid feel better was a big turn around in changing her biting behavior.   Maybe you can talk to them about putting together a reaction plan that will work best for your DD. Good Luck!

This is a great method to turn the attention on the bitten child. OP, is your DC shadowing your child? They need to be. What they do to prevent the biting is just as important as how they react to it. They need to catch her as she goes to bite, step in, and teach her what she should do instead of biting. Explaining before it happens does a two year old little good. They don't really remember in the heat of the moment. Someone stepping in at the exact moment she's going to bite helps connect the dots for her -"Oh, THIS is what everyone keeps talking about!" Shadowing also helps protect the other kids.

 

This exactly. The DC s/b doing more on their side like shadowing. Biting is usually a phase but it may last a cpl months. Does your 2 yo talk much? Maybe you can teach her to use a word or phrase when she is provoked instead of a physical reaction.  It's tough to correct the behavior when she's not displaying it at home. And from a parent whose kids gets bitten a lot; I understand it happens and I do not blame the child.  Yesterday, the school called to inform me DD2 was bit. My reply, 'ok, I understand it happens, thanks for calling'. My only fear is once there is one biter, others learn to bite too. I'm sure your LO was not the 1st biter in the class, she's not going to be the last and she currently may not be the only one.

sadsadie

Sounds like they are only looking at half the problem; what about the other kids who are taking toys away from her? Are they being addressed and told they aren't properly sharing? Of course it isn't ok to bite, but when wee ones are provoked, it is a common reaction. They need to address the entire problem, not just your child. I would initiate contact with the director and let her know your concerns and that you really want to work together as a team to not only stop your daughter's biting habit, but also to get to the bottom of the apparent sharing problem in this class.

 

KathrynMD

LoCarb:

Estwd2:

Beckabooney:

Maybe the biting gets such a big reaction that she doesn't understand it's bad, she just understands the attention.    We had a similar problem and DCP has a little different approach where they make the child apologize immidately, the biting child has to go and get the other child a boo boo buddy (an ice pack with a character on it).   Then the biting child has to sit in the 'alone zone' with a teacher to talk about why biting is not ok.    Making my DD say she was sorry and help the other kid feel better was a big turn around in changing her biting behavior.   Maybe you can talk to them about putting together a reaction plan that will work best for your DD. Good Luck!

This is a great method to turn the attention on the bitten child. OP, is your DC shadowing your child? They need to be. What they do to prevent the biting is just as important as how they react to it. They need to catch her as she goes to bite, step in, and teach her what she should do instead of biting. Explaining before it happens does a two year old little good. They don't really remember in the heat of the moment. Someone stepping in at the exact moment she's going to bite helps connect the dots for her -"Oh, THIS is what everyone keeps talking about!" Shadowing also helps protect the other kids.

 

This exactly. The DC s/b doing more on their side like shadowing. Biting is usually a phase but it may last a cpl months. Does your 2 yo talk much? Maybe you can teach her to use a word or phrase when she is provoked instead of a physical reaction.  It's tough to correct the behavior when she's not displaying it at home. And from a parent whose kids gets bitten a lot; I understand it happens and I do not blame the child.  Yesterday, the school called to inform me DD2 was bit. My reply, 'ok, I understand it happens, thanks for calling'. My only fear is once there is one biter, others learn to bite too. I'm sure your LO was not the 1st biter in the class, she's not going to be the last and she currently may not be the only one.

yes - all this.  The school needs to be handling this better and assiging someone to shadow your LO.  2 is a little old to be having a chronic biting problem, so there's probably some ongoing conflict or some kind of interaction that your LO is having trouble with.  Maybe there's a particular toy that everyone is fighting over?  The teachers need to identify what the problem is before it happens and then step in and help your LO figure out a better way to react.

bumpuser511563

Looking for another daycare is not going to change things. There will be biters and those who are bitten in every daycare all over the place. 

Another issue may be she may not have all her teeth yet.

Children bite for many different reasons. If you ask the teachers to take note of what happens in any given incident that she bites. They should have written reports of all incidents. You can go further with what is causing it.

If she cannot express herself in words, she should be evaluated for speech to help her express herself.

Bella427

Biting will happen no matter where you go, in my experience.  DS and his BFF try to bite each other regularly at school.  Shadowing is crucial to help prevent it, although sometimes they are just super fast, LOL.  At our school they definitely give more attention to the bitee (is that a word? ) rather than rewarding the biter with extra attention.  This will pass, but it will suck in the meantime.