#97523 why I don't like my MIL

ToastieSimons

This was in regards to sending DS1 to the 2yo preschool at his special needs school

Her:  I could NEVER has sent my little boy to preschool at 2.

Me:  Well I have to do things I don't want to so that he has the best chance at surviving in our culture.

Her:  Well I guess I was just able to stick my parenting ideals better.

 

Yep.  I was speechless. 

Rose.9.6.03

Ugh, I want to shove her "parenting ideals" where the sun don't shine.  Rude!!!

lite-bright

Really? Really?!? 

OMG. I'm so sorry you have to deal with her.  

d.f

She is ridiculous and mean. She's lucky you have anything to do with her after saying something like that.

Soapstone

That's just awful. Sorry you have to deal with her.

Assembly_Reqd

and and <<<that's for you.

She sucks.

MaxandRuby

If only it were socially acceptable to punch someone in the face....

almostjennifer

**cough** biitch! **cough**cough**

Unbelievable.

Florak8

What a heinous B.

If you are up to it, next time she says something like that, say, "And why do you think that is?" "How might our parenting experiences be different?" and ask "innocent" questions until she is forced to acknowledge and say the truth. And I hope she chokes on it.

Nobody puts Toastie in a corner! 

Jcrab

almostjennifer:

**cough** biitch! **cough**cough**

Unbelievable.

This! Hugs! 

JoJoGee

Whaaaaa?  Wow!

My sincere sympathies to you for having to deal with that. 

ABColeslaw

She sounds like a peach.  I don't like your MIL either.

malcivar

ToastieSimons:

Her:  Well I guess I was just able to stick my parenting ideals better.

 

Yeah, I'll tell you where you can stick your parenting ideals ...

{{hugs}} So sorry you have to deal with that.   

jo4janet

What an a$$hole! Tell her to go jump in a lake.

ToastieSimons

-auntie-:

ToastieSimons:

This was in regards to sending DS1 to the 2yo preschool at his special needs school

Her:  I could NEVER has sent my little boy to preschool at 2.

Me:  Well I have to do things I don't want to so that he has the best chance at surviving in our culture.

Her:  Well I guess I was just able to stick my parenting ideals better.

 

Yep.  I was speechless. 

Just wow.

Until I read the last line I was willing to suggest that perhaps this was an awkward attempt at giving you credit for the unusually high calibre of parenting going on at your house. But then I saw the bit about her parenting ideals and just wanted to throttle her. Seriously.

Do you need this person in your life? Does she bring some resource like cleaning, child care or cash to lighten your burden? If not, you can jettison her. Not saying you make a big pronouncement about never darkening your door, but you just don't make time for her.

What's your husband's spin on this? Does he have your back? Please tell me he does. My DH would be demanding an apology for such judgemental nastiness.

If she will remain in your life, perhaps you can rehearse a few mantras. Next time she expresses such a thought, can you ask her why she would say something so insulting to the mother of her grandchildren? Or ask her what her parenting ideals are. Do they include not helping a child develop into his own best self?

Same woman who told me "I feel sorry for you.  you're not getting a typical newborn experience"  

that was prompted by the fact that i babywore and he screamed when i put him in a stroller.  Nothing to do with how difficult everything that we were going through was.  she then continued a tirade of how she remembers walking her babies in the stroller and people would always stop to say how cute they are, but because  I wear him people can't do this.  

I know my priorities were really screwed up. I cared about MRI's, lumbar punctures, diagnoses, sleep, therapy, getting him to stop screaming all the time, etc. When I SHOULD have been worried that he wouldn't sit in a stroller. 

ETA:  sorry baby needed to be tended to.  

Yes, my DH has my back but she has a history of nasty comments.  It's who she is (and she passed it on to her daughter).  We limit our contact and involvement with them and just practice natural consequences.  When she chooses to show up late to a party she RSVP'd to (she had the shortest drive and showed up 45 min later) the party started without her.  since she can't be kind we limit our visitation with them, they've only met DS2 one time.  They are not allowed to babysit and when we're in the area we dont' go over their house.  We dont' keep them in the loop as to what is going on in our lives.  We simply call them and tell them what we're doing.  They don't help at all when visiting and generally just stress us out.  We refuse to even let SIL visit at this point because of how she acted when she was around DS1 as an infant.  

But, we keep them in our lives because they are the boys' grandparents and I keep trying to change her heart.  I truly feel that they're angry that these are the grandchildren they got.  Their whole family prides themselves on their academic and physical accomplishments (as I mentioned before she's constantly calling to tell us about so and so's job and money, so and so's teeball team etc) and her grandchildren are not going to be her bragging rights.  I have no problem hearing about other people's accomplishments (I have a degree in engineering, I know how hard you have to work to get through school) but she with the wrong intention.  Either it feels as if she is rubbing it in our faces or she is basically saying "why can all their kids do this and yours are disabled?".  

I try to take it all in jest.  Her parenting ideals were a joke.  DH has some serious ADD and she couldn't keep a schedule for him at all.  He needs routine to focus and accomplish things, it's apparent after about 5 minutes talking to him.  she never had a schedule or a routine and prided herself on cooking dinner at 10:30PM and then writing some bizzare note about why the kids were so late to school.  He was also severely bullied as a child.  He told me how he used to come home from school every day and cry.  He would ask her to kill him so he didn't have to go back to school (they were in the same school for k-8 since it's a small town) and she told him "don't worry it will get better.  someday you'll be able to get drunk and laugh about this"  

and you can see where DH's alcoholism comes from.