OK, I would like some help on a serious matter

[Deleted User]

It's rare that I'm serious, but I'm going to be in THIS THREAD ONLY.  I need help.  This pregnancy is really wiping me out.  I'm so tired, and DH is picking up so much slack.  I know that eventually I will get my energy back (I hope).  However, what should I do to make this up to DH?  He has been a saint through this all.  I have told him repeatedly that I really appreciate his efforts, but I really feel like I should do more for him. 

Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions?

Kitiara5512

BJ. Favorite meal. Beer. I have no clue.

[Deleted User]

Oh, and he's done without sex too.  Poor bastard. 

ATMmom324

Blow jobs and a date night where he picks the restaurant and the movie.  And just make sure he knows how much you appreciate what he is doing.

[Deleted User]

Kitiara5512:

BJ. Favorite meal. Beer. I have no clue.

BJ isn't gonna happen for a bit.  I have insisted that he get a keg for the kegerator, so there's that.  Still, that's something he has to go do.   

Venus04d

A lot of BJs. You can do those while still lying down! Yay for multitasking rest with gifts for DH!

pinkiemo

I'm a selfish hor, and while I think it's awesome when dads step up, it's also kinda their job.  

Doesn't mean doesn't deserve a Special Man Day once you feel up to it tho.  Basically he gets to do whatever he wants all day and there is some expectation of mouth sex. 

Libby1978

My DH enjoys some quiet time to himself more than anything.  Maybe take LO out one day on the weekend when you are feeling up to it so he can relax and have "me" time.

pinkiemo

sofamonkey:

Kitiara5512:

BJ. Favorite meal. Beer. I have no clue.

BJ isn't gonna happen for a bit.  I have insisted that he get a keg for the kegerator, so there's that.  Still, that's something he has to go do.   

Dang, forgot that it's not really the time to be sticking things down your throat...

Hand jibber? 

bearfootz

A really good hand job can go a long way too. Like with oils and such.

I'm sorry, but my DH really does appreciate the sex favors. 

Or can you give him a foot rub or something?  Or order some of his favorite old tv shows on dvd?

ougrad1

Steak and a BJ.  Ha!

It's all part of it.  My H did everything for the last two months that I was pregnant with the babies-worked all day, cooked and did laundry.  It was awful for him.  You guys are a team in times like this.  I'm sure you'll have your turn.   You owe him nothing but, a sweet baby in a few months.  : )

kcisthebombdotcom

I went through the same thing with my second pregnancy, and besides what's been mentioned, on those rare days I felt halfway human I would cook his favorite dinner/make dessert. I got him sappy thank you cards and would hide them in his car just so he knew that I appreciated how much he was helping.

[Deleted User]

I'm gaggy & on pelvic rest.  So, for now, the sex is off the table.  Usually that'd be my go-to as well!  And I know I don't owe him anything & he hasn't complained once about doing any of it.  Laundry, dishes, cleaning, a ton of care with P. 

I feel like doing something because I want to.  I hope that I'm off PR soon, because we'd both like to bring sexy back.  lol.  A date night sounds good too.  I was thinking of taking P to our family cabin this weekend & giving him some guy time, but if we go I think he wants to go too.  Hrm. 

I really do appreciate the suggestions! 

kllrbnny

Also, don't forget to stoke his ego. Guys love to hear how hot/talented/strong/needed they are. A few passing comments from you throughout the day-if they sound natural and not forced-are going to let him know he's appreciated. And random touching-doesnt' have to be naughty-and kissing will also go a long way.

DH and I had this talk not long ago and these are things he wanted.

[Deleted User]

anna karenina:

You are already carrying his kid for him. Him picking up the slack is not a favor to you. It's for the household. 

I know.  And he isn't expecting anything either.  I just want to do a little somehting nice, ya know?

MandaPanda518

I show my appreciation through sweets. Cake, brownies, cookies, ice cream, candy etc. My DH has a major sweet tooth.

Nayna1mom

ougrad1:

Steak and a BJ.  Ha!

It's all part of it.  My H did everything for the last two months that I was pregnant with the babies-worked all day, cooked and did laundry.  It was awful for him.  You guys are a team in times like this.  I'm sure you'll have your turn.   You owe him nothing but, a sweet baby in a few months.  : )

Ditto all of this.  My DH has been so wonderful too, even though I've stressed him out here and there with my bitchy hormones.  He works extremely hard all day, comes home and will fix us dinner, whether it be eat in or take out, and helps around the house too.  

  

ShellShockedMama

Give birth to his baby in 29 weeks?

lexusolsen

KC_13:

I went through the same thing with my second pregnancy, and besides what's been mentioned, on those rare days I felt halfway human I would cook his favorite dinner/make dessert. I got him sappy thank you cards and would hide them in his car just so he knew that I appreciated how much he was helping.

I second the sappy thank you car idea. My DH loves this. I put them on his pillow, in his lunch box, or in his car. What about coupons to be redeemed for the things you can't do now? That way he knows you would if you could?  

JenniferMatos

MandaPanda518:

I show my appreciation through sweets. Cake, brownies, cookies, ice cream, candy etc. My DH has a major sweet tooth.

 

This! The way to my DH's heart is through is stomach for sure.  

[Deleted User]

ShellShockedMama:

Give birth to his baby in 29 weeks?

I love to.  Anything that's a helpful suggestion though?

ShellShockedMama

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

Give birth to his baby in 29 weeks?

I love to.  Anything that's a helpful suggestion though?

Ugh. I have to be HELPFUL. Too much pressure. 

Anyway, why not a date night? But I'm a bad lazy wife and figure my h is supposed to pick up the slack when Im cooking a human 24/7.  You're nicer than me.

ShellShockedMama

IrishCoffee7:

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

Give birth to his baby in 29 weeks?

I love to.  Anything that's a helpful suggestion though?

I'm kind of with you. What's so wrong with showing appreciation to a spouse who's stepped up his game and done what was needed?

 

 Nothing. I think my sarcasm font is broken today.  

[Deleted User]

ShellShockedMama:

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

Give birth to his baby in 29 weeks?

I love to.  Anything that's a helpful suggestion though?

Ugh. I have to be HELPFUL. Too much pressure. 

Anyway, why not a date night? But I'm a bad lazy wife and figure my h is supposed to pick up the slack when Im cooking a human 24/7.  You're nicer than me.

Clearly!  haha.  I also know he's in for it.  When I was pregnant with P I was soooo hot all the time.  I had the heat off & the windows open, and it was like 45 in the house.  The poor guy was working at home one day & had to put on gloves, a scarf, and a coat.  I conceded to 60 degrees.  So, maybe I'm not nicer than you. 

ShellShockedMama

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

Give birth to his baby in 29 weeks?

I love to.  Anything that's a helpful suggestion though?

Ugh. I have to be HELPFUL. Too much pressure. 

Anyway, why not a date night? But I'm a bad lazy wife and figure my h is supposed to pick up the slack when Im cooking a human 24/7.  You're nicer than me.

Clearly!  haha.  I also know he's in for it.  When I was pregnant with P I was soooo hot all the time.  I had the heat off & the windows open, and it was like 45 in the house.  The poor guy was working at home one day & had to put on gloves, a scarf, and a coat.  I conceded to 60 degrees.  So, maybe I'm not nicer than you. 

Dude. I got it. I GOT IT.

Buy him a hooker with your bump points!!!!!  WIFE OF THE YEAR! 

[Deleted User]

anna karenina:

IrishCoffee7:

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

Give birth to his baby in 29 weeks?

I love to.  Anything that's a helpful suggestion though?

I'm kind of with you. What's so wrong with showing appreciation to a spouse who's stepped up his game and done what was needed?  There are lots of examples of ones who don't.  IMO you always say thank you in a marriage.  There are tons of things I do in our relationship because they're "my job".  It's nice to hear thank-you and have H do something nice out of appreciation even so.  I do the same for him.

 

I guess because he is not on a message board writing, you guys, my wife is about to shoot a human being the size of a watermelon out of her box, what can I do to show her my appreciation?

I feel like we set the bar so low with men that we are insanely grateful when they do the bare minimum. OH you cooked dinner? Well you're eating too, fuckker. You watched your own child? Well you helped make him. Oh you're doing the dishes? Didn't you dirty half of them yourself? 

Actually, my DH is doing a LOT.  And he hasn't asked for a thing, nor implied that he needs anything.  He would be pleased as a pickle to just know that he has met my & our DD's needs. 

If you knew me IRL, my bar for people is set fairly high.  DO meets that without being asked.  He doesn't biitch or complain about anything, just asks if I need anything else. 

I think I know what you're trying to say here, AK, but it just isn't relevant in this case. 

[Deleted User]

ShellShockedMama:

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

sofamonkey:

ShellShockedMama:

Give birth to his baby in 29 weeks?

I love to.  Anything that's a helpful suggestion though?

Ugh. I have to be HELPFUL. Too much pressure. 

Anyway, why not a date night? But I'm a bad lazy wife and figure my h is supposed to pick up the slack when Im cooking a human 24/7.  You're nicer than me.

Clearly!  haha.  I also know he's in for it.  When I was pregnant with P I was soooo hot all the time.  I had the heat off & the windows open, and it was like 45 in the house.  The poor guy was working at home one day & had to put on gloves, a scarf, and a coat.  I conceded to 60 degrees.  So, maybe I'm not nicer than you. 

Dude. I got it. I GOT IT.

Buy him a hooker with your bump points!!!!!  WIFE OF THE YEAR! 

I am speechless.  bahahahahahaha!  (but NO)

[Deleted User]

anna karenina:

to Irish: Yes, probably calling him *** during dinner would be hostile. Everyone's marriage is different and I'm not taking that into account here. In mine we are pretty practical and I usually only reward if it's above and beyond. Keeping the household going while I was on bedrest would not be that situation for us. 

Sofa, you know your husband better than I do obviously so sorry if I implied you had a deadbeat husband. Not want I meant. Just that in society, we women seem to make a lot of allowances for our husbands. Even one night stands apparently from what I read in the other thread!  

I know what you're getting at, really.  That drives me nuts too.  So do the commercials they run now that basically make men look like idiots. 

Are you a fan of Chris Rock?  I love his bit on low standards for men.  "You take care of your kids?  You're supposed to take care of your kids."  It's worth a you tube search if you're bored. 

[Deleted User]

mbenit4:

sofamonkey:

I'm gaggy & on pelvic rest.  So, for now, the sex is off the table.  Usually that'd be my go-to as well! 

How about the blow job simulator sex toy? Order something from his fave restaurant and then the sex toy.

Oh, that would kill him. He is such a prude! LOL! When we were dating, we went camping for week. We didn't have sex the entire time because he didn't want people to hear us. Longest. Week. Ever. We did talk a lot though, which was nice. OK, maybe that was a little sarcastic. haha

mom2pottamus

It depends on how emotional he is, but maybe write a letter from the baby to him, "thanks for taking care of my mommy/he's a father to look up to/lucky to be coming into a house with so much love".  My husband does he share, always picks up the slack and yes I expect it...but I totally get looking at your husband and thinking wow this guy is awesome and I need to tell him that.  Not b/c the bar is set low but b/c he is making your life easier.  I also do little things to let him know it and he loves that.

[Deleted User]

mom2pottamus:

It depends on how emotional he is, but maybe write a letter from the baby to him, "thanks for taking care of my mommy/he's a father to look up to/lucky to be coming into a house with so much love".  My husband does he share, always picks up the slack and yes I expect it...but I totally get looking at your husband and thinking wow this guy is awesome and I need to tell him that.  Not b/c the bar is set low but b/c he is making your life easier.  I also do little things to let him know it and he loves that.

Awww, that's a really sweet idea. 

Wufroggy79

Put out.

[Deleted User]

Wufroggy79:

Put out.

I can't, silly. 

LoveBeingAWife33008

BJ for sure.

persephonerose

I noticed you mentioned he was doing cleaning and laundry. Perhaps you could get a maid in to do that for him one day or do some of it that way it lightens both of your loads. Hire a baby sitter to help at home with you and your other child, and have his friends come pick him up for a guys night out. That way he does not have to worry about chores, taking care of you, or the LO for the day.

insertclevername

I agree with the people who suggested cute notes and cards left in various places to surprise him. If you have the energy a handjob with massage oil would be a cherry on top. If you are on pelvic rest and exhausted dont force yourself to do sexual favors but definitely show him affection via random hugs and kisses.

[Deleted User]

persephonerose:

I noticed you mentioned he was doing cleaning and laundry. Perhaps you could get a maid in to do that for him one day or do some of it that way it lightens both of your loads. Hire a baby sitter to help at home with you and your other child, and have his friends come pick him up for a guys night out. That way he does not have to worry about chores, taking care of you, or the LO for the day.

OK, this is the embarrassing part.  Our house isn't clean enough for a maid, literally.  We're in the middle (still) of a remodel.  As SOON as that is done, we are getting someone in to clean.  We had already talked about that, and chose family time over cleaning.  However, it's a matter of getting there.  *sigh*

Karschingham

I totally get where you're at, I was feeling sooo shittty for like 17 weeks (I've only had 6 days of getting better...lol) and H was a SAINT! I was just more relaxed with him on things like oh, you want to go golfing, do it. An extra beer night?? yes. just little things because well you know planning for a second is spendy....I think it's sweet that you want to show him it's appreciated because I know how bad it feels to lay around helpless watching ALL the slack get picked up, I cried all day on father's day because I was so worthless and just wanted to DO stuff for him and spoil him and I just couldn't...however you'll get your spice back and then...BLOW JOBS...that's what I've been doing...ugh my mouth is gettin tired!    In the mean time, cuddles and kisses go a long way too

spring_time

No idea, but could I please borrow your husband?  Mine is a jerk and seems to think I am just making it all up to get out of doing my fair share.

CoffeeBeen

When sexual favors are out of the question, you have to defer to his desire to be the provider.  Make sure he knows how much he's taking care of you and that you wouldn't be able to do this without him.  DH always says that means more to him than anything else I could do.

It's kind of like when LO is sick and you're cleaning up puke.  If he says "Tank ooo" (DS' version of thank you), then it's all worth it.  

kj07

Does he appreciate goofy/silly?  In the dollar spot of the Target by my work has packages of notes that you can slip in your kids lunchbags that say "You're great" with a lion or whatever.  I'd buy a pack and for a week or so, sneak a card into his car, his briefcase, his wallet, etc, with a different thing he's doing that makes your life better right now.

And then when you're feeling up to it, encourage him to take some extra 'him time' with whatever activity he chooses (except for hookers and strippers).