Has anyone on this board adopted and then concieved?

jillianmb

First things first, we are so excited to (Lord willing) be bringing our DS home in November.  We started TTC 2 years ago so this feels like a very, very long pregnancy.

In any case, DS will be 2.5 when he comes home and we've always wanted a closer gap between kids so ideally we want to get on TTC right away. 

I have to laugh at myself though because I am having all these weird feelings like, "How can I ever love a biological child as much as my DS?" We're haven't even brought him home yet and I am already astounded by my love for him.  I think a lot of it is how hard we've worked to make this adoption happen and how many ups and downs we've survived for him.  

I know this is backwards from the question a lot of people ask ("Could I love a child by adoption as much as a child by conception?"); but I am so surprised by these feelings.  I never once questioned whether I would be able to love a child who we adopted.  Why am I questioning whether I could love a child through conception?  

Any experience out there? 

steph196

We brought our daughter home in April and I can't imagine loving a biological child the way that I love her!

My hope of becoming pregnant has completely disappeared because the Lord has fulfilled my desire to be a mother by bringing this amazing baby girl into our lives. We've decided that if He wants us to have more than one child (I NEVER wanted an only child, but feel like I would be okay with it now!), He will either drop an adoption situation into our laps or I will get pregnant. We won't be 'trying' to get pregnant or actively searching for an expectant parent. We will be sitting tight and enjoying every moment we have with our dear daughter!  

jillianmb

Spooko:

Well, I've officially had my first eaten bump post:)  I had a whole thing typed out but it vanished.

Yes, I've been in this exact situation.  I was head over heels for my DS.  I felt differently about him from the day he was born even though I wouldn't know for another 2 years that he'd be mine and it wouldn't be official for 4 years.  It was just stronger, unique, hard to describe.

He needed me more than anyone else.  I understood him better than anyone else. I knew him inside and out.  We were one person.  I was consumed with him.  How could I ever feel that way about anyone else?  I spent my whole pregnancy worried what I would do with this baby that I wanted, yet seemed to be impinging on our special bond.  It didn't help that I didn't bond at all to DD until halfway through my pregnancy and even then it still wasn't really until 2 days after she was born.

But do you know what?  I love them EXACTLY the same.  DD needed me too, and I also knew her better than anyone else.  We became one mind as well.  I fell head over heels for her.  It just happened.  Mom's just know their kids best and a mother's love is all consuming.  You don't even have to do anything.  It just happens.

I can totally relate and understand the feelings but having come out the other side of it, I wish I hadn't worried so much.  I was far too caught up in something that I couldn't control anyways and it worked itself out. 

This is just what I needed to read.  Everything you described with your DS is how I feel; gives me chills! Thank you so much for this honest reply.  Gives me hope that I will have the same experience if we ever add a biological child to our family.  Thank you!! 

jani7

Spooko:

Well, I've officially had my first eaten bump post:)  I had a whole thing typed out but it vanished.

Yes, I've been in this exact situation.  I was head over heels for my DS.  I felt differently about him from the day he was born even though I wouldn't know for another 2 years that he'd be mine and it wouldn't be official for 4 years.  It was just stronger, unique, hard to describe.

He needed me more than anyone else.  I understood him better than anyone else. I knew him inside and out.  We were one person.  I was consumed with him.  How could I ever feel that way about anyone else?  I spent my whole pregnancy worried what I would do with this baby that I wanted, yet seemed to be impinging on our special bond.  It didn't help that I didn't bond at all to DD until halfway through my pregnancy and even then it still wasn't really until 2 days after she was born.

But do you know what?  I love them EXACTLY the same.  DD needed me too, and I also knew her better than anyone else.  We became one mind as well.  I fell head over heels for her.  It just happened.  Mom's just know their kids best and a mother's love is all consuming.  You don't even have to do anything.  It just happens.

I can totally relate and understand the feelings but having come out the other side of it, I wish I hadn't worried so much.  I was far too caught up in something that I couldn't control anyways and it worked itself out. 

 

My situation is very similar to this!

I am currently expecting after a long and unsuccessful infertility journey led us to adopt our amazing, wonderful, loving (I could go on and on) son. He is perfect for us and we love him with our entire beings, really more than I could have ever imagined.  Well we had a surprise pregnancy when he was just 9 months old.  I surprisingly was devastated. I know in my heart of hearts everything happens for a reason and everything is going to work out perfectly but to answer your question, do I wonder if I could love a biological child as much as my adopted child. Yes all the time but my Mom keeps telling me that I will love them both the same. 

jillianmb

Spooko:

jani7:

My situation is very similar to this!

I am currently expecting after a long and unsuccessful infertility journey led us to adopt our amazing, wonderful, loving (I could go on and on) son. He is perfect for us and we love him with our entire beings, really more than I could have ever imagined.  Well we had a surprise pregnancy when he was just 9 months old.  I surprisingly was devastated. I know in my heart of hearts everything happens for a reason and everything is going to work out perfectly but to answer your question, do I wonder if I could love a biological child as much as my adopted child. Yes all the time but my Mom keeps telling me that I will love them both the same. 

Hate to break it to you, but Mom's right  You know them just the same and you love them just the same and it happens whether you do anything particular or not. 

Ha! Moms are always right, aren't they?  ;-)  Jani thanks for sharing.  It is comforting to know I'm not alone. 

jani7

Spooko:

jani7:

My situation is very similar to this!

I am currently expecting after a long and unsuccessful infertility journey led us to adopt our amazing, wonderful, loving (I could go on and on) son. He is perfect for us and we love him with our entire beings, really more than I could have ever imagined.  Well we had a surprise pregnancy when he was just 9 months old.  I surprisingly was devastated. I know in my heart of hearts everything happens for a reason and everything is going to work out perfectly but to answer your question, do I wonder if I could love a biological child as much as my adopted child. Yes all the time but my Mom keeps telling me that I will love them both the same. 

Hate to break it to you, but Mom's right  You know them just the same and you love them just the same and it happens whether you do anything particular or not. 

I hope so  No really thank you for sharing your story and I love hearing how things always work out!