Can I vent for a moment? (NBR)

Sawyerplus1

Just need to vent for a sec. Feel free to ignore

A close friend of mine is getting married in September and DH and I are invited. But her wedding is about 10 hours away by car (and you cant fly direct to the town). Driving is about the only option to get there, but that means DH taking time off work to get there and back, which means lost wages. I'm EBFing DS2 so he'd have to come with us, which might mean we'd split the drive into 2 days both ways, which means paying for additional hotel rooms. It's also a child-free wedding which means finding childcare for DS1 and DD for a long weekend, which wouldn't be easy b/c our parents/family/etc all work full time and cant keep the kids beyond the weekend. And this is all on top of, of course, the costs of staying while there, a wedding gift, etc. We just can't swing it right now. 

But I just found out that her bridal shower is in 2 short weeks from now. The one weekend this summer that we plan to go camping and have a couple days at the beach. Ugh! Our plans aren't entirely confirmed yet, but I dont want to cancel our family plans for a few hours on the one day. Bummer and I feel like a bad friend. 

And THEN she tells me the date for her stagette, which is in September. Thing is, I hate going to clubs/bars and generally avoid it at all costs. I dont mind going to a pub or having a few beers, but stagettes just arent my thing (if it's a very close friend I do of course make an effort to attend some of it if I can). Anyway, friend tells me to start pumping and getting ready so I can go out drinking at her stagette. But on top of not liking bars anyway, I also dont have a pump and wasnt planning on introducing a bottle to DS2 that soon.....

I just feel terrible b/c she IS a good friend, but I'm not sure I'll be able to attend any of her wedding related celebrations, which will disappoint her (the wedding is in her fiances hometown, so she's already compromised who of her family and friends can attend the wedding by having it there). Anyway, I feel terrible about it, but at the same time am frustrated by the time commitment, money, and level of expectation that accompanies so many weddings these days. 

JessieCupcake

This whole thing just seems unreasonable for you to attend. The travel and fact that you'd need child care would really make me not want to attend the wedding. It's a real inconvenience for you. I don't think I'd attend and if questioned I'd use the excuse of having a new baby.

I would not cancel your trip for the bridal shower. You were told about it on short notice. Just say you're sorry but you can't attend. If you want to explain, just say you have a family trip already booked. You can send a gift.

This is tough because I want to say try to attend one thing but even the stagette is unreasonable given the reasons you stated (no pump and not wanting to introduce the bottle yet).

Ugh I am frustrated for you!

 

Gismo123

While it's understandable that she doesn't want kids at her wedding she then needs to accept situations like this to happen. It's one thing to go to a wedding a couple hours away and just find a sitter for the day and only pump a few times. It's awhole different situation when it's 2 or 3 days! I would NOT want to be away that long especially since you're ebfing. Just explain that you would love to be there but you can't be away from LO that long. If she's a true friend she'll understand. I also wouldn't cancel your camping plans. As for the stagette I would show up for an hour or 2 and have a couple drinks. You don't have to get smashed to show your supprt for her.

Sawyerplus1

JessieCupcake:

This whole thing just seems unreasonable for you to attend. The travel and fact that you'd need child care would really make me not want to attend the wedding. It's a real inconvenience for you. I don't think I'd attend and if questioned I'd use the excuse of having a new baby.

I would not cancel your trip for the bridal shower. You were told about it on short notice. Just say you're sorry but you can't attend. If you want to explain, just say you have a family trip already booked. You can send a gift.

This is tough because I want to say try to attend one thing but even the stagette is unreasonable given the reasons you stated (no pump and not wanting to introduce the bottle yet).

Ugh I am frustrated for you!

Thanks! To be fair to my friend she's been really good about it. She knew before I sent my RSVP that it wasn't likely we could make it, and then when I sent our RSVP I included a note expressing my regret, which she really appreciated. And then today I told her right away about our likely camping trip. She was disappointed but understanding (it was pretty short notice, after all). But she did seem adamant that I at least then come to the stagette. 

My DH and I have to do what we have to do, but it sucks feeling like I'm letting my friend down at such a big moment in her life!  

Sawyerplus1

Gismo123:

As for the stagette I would show up for an hour or 2 and have a couple drinks. You don't have to get smashed to show your supprt for her.

Possibly, depending on when and where it is. Like I said, I don't plan to introduce bottles yet at that point, and DS2 is currently on the boob constantly in the evenings. Perhaps he wont be on there quite so much by then so I could swing a drink with my friend   

Gismo123

Sawyerplus1:

Gismo123:

As for the stagette I would show up for an hour or 2 and have a couple drinks. You don't have to get smashed to show your supprt for her.

Possibly, depending on when and where it is. Like I said, I don't plan to introduce bottles yet at that point, and DS2 is currently on the boob constantly in the evenings. Perhaps he wont be on there quite so much by then so I could swing a drink with my friend   

You can always cup feed or siringe feed LO. It will take longer but it keeps him from getting use to a fast flowing. Bottle