How long til it feels like "home"? (long)

soontobe05

Hi ladies. I haven't been posting much because....well I don't really know why. I've been going on my local board a lot since I moved to Austin because I wanted to get to know some people and hopefully find some moms to hang out with and friends for my kids. I went to a mom's night out gtg once about a month ago and while the girls seemed nice, they seem very clique-ish. They've all known each other from posting for years so I get it, but I just don't fit in. 

When we moved we bought a new house and as exciting as that is, I don't feel like it's mine. This doesn't feel like home at all. I've been here since the second week of April and it still feels like we're on some vacation or something. I forget all the time that we live here. How do I change that? All my stuff is here...my kids are here and my H is here. I just don't like this feeling of not having a "home" anymore. 

If you've moved away from home and everyone you know (friends and family) how long did it take for you to adjust? What did you do to make the adjustment easier? I just feel lost right now and I'm spending my time looking up recipes, cooking, exercising and playing with the kids....just trying to keep my mind busy.

This post doesn't really have much of a reason I guess, I just needed to write how I was feeling somewhere and didn't really have a place to do so except here. I miss all you ladies and I'm going to try to spend more time on this board again. I grounded myself from the Austin board because things they were saying were making me feel bad about myself and my H and question my parenting and I've never felt that way before. So I very rarely go on there now. Hope everyone's doing well and congrats to all of those who have had more LOs already or are pregnant. So exciting!  

END OF RANDOM POST ABOUT NOTHING.  

dannie2011

Sorry you're feeling out of place. I moved to Arkansas from Canada so my adjustment probably took longer then most. It took me about a year to settle into this house "home" but it was more like 2 years before I actually started feeling like I live here. The kids made friends about 6mos of being here and that is what help me feel more normal.

I think as things start getting more familiar you start to feel like home. It's ok to post how you feel it helps the process, then one day you will see yourself and realize you are home.

 

 

vigurl

We moved here in Fall 2009.  We moved into our home just before xmas that year. Just last summer it started to feel like home.  We are thousands of miles from friends and family.  So I get it! Hughs ((( ))))

MommaA117

I'm sorry you're feeling that way!  If only it was Houston and not Austin. I need more mommy friends with the same parenting style as myself.

soontobe05

MommaA117:

I'm sorry you're feeling that way!  If only it was Houston and not Austin. I need more mommy friends with the same parenting style as myself.

 I know. We'll get together sometime. I know we want to make a trip out to Houston at some point. We might be going for a Rockets game this season when they play the Portland Trailblazers.  

sunshine336

We moved here in Sept 2010, just as we were all getting our BFPs.  It took me about 8 months to make any friends, and I've posted before about how lonely that winter was - pregnant with baby #1, being in the middle of nowhere (since we weren't even on base then), no car (DH and I shared one until spring 2011), and no one to talk to.  I spent a lot of time on TB, and it probably kept me sane.  Eventually I found out about the spouses club on base and started meeting people through them.

We moved often when I was younger and being out here with no friends definitely reminded me of being in a new school and not knowing anyone- awkward, shy, pretending not to care even though you desperately want people to like you, etc.

I hope things start falling into place for you- ::hugs:: 

aztoid2006

We moved to Idaho 6 years ago, literally right after we got married. We lived here about 3-4 years before it felt like home...and I still struggle. Most people out here were born and bred here, and don't really let newcomers in. I have a couple of people I work with (I teach am kindergarten) who have kids and 2 neighbors whoI can hang out with, but no close mommy friends. I'm sorry you're struggling with this, it really sucks:-(

LexGator

I know how you feel. We moved 800 miles away from home/family to a state I had never even visited three years ago. I can't say that this feels like "home," but I've made this "home for now" in a few ways.

Step outside your comfort zone to meet people. Have you checked Meetup or a similar site for playgroups in your area? We found a great playgroup here, and it's expanded my circle of mom friends and given me a real sense of community, which is particularly important since we aren't near family. You need someone to talk to and give you support. Don't give up if the Mom's Night Out thing didn't work. Keep looking until you find a group that you click with.

Go to community events. It seem silly, but we go to the local Farmer's market, festivals, fairs, etc. -- whatever's going on in the community. It gets you out of the house and helps you sense the vibe in your new city, and you might even meet people. The weekends are still tough sometimes for me because I'd love to be doing something with DD and our families, but we can't do that. Getting out and doing something fun helps distract us and encourages us to create our own family fun even if we're far from "home."

I feel like I had to "move" here twice because we found some friends before I got pregnant, and then I needed mom friends and had to start all over when DD was born. I can't say that this city feels like my "home" or somewhere I want to live forever, but I think we've done a good job making it our "home for now." Staying busy helps me a lot. I work at home, but I try to do an activity with DD every morning. It gets us out of the house, distracts me from dwelling on what we don't have rather than what we do, and challenges me to get creative and find things to explore in this area.

Good luck! I know it's tough...

kaitylin

I agree with PP's suggestion to check out meetup. There were no existing groups for my area and so I started one and now there are over 200 members in my group! Turns out a ton of moms were searching for a moms group and friends and it has been so nice to finally make some friends. I also joined a support group at a parenting center and met several really nice people that way! Good luck- moving sucks. We are moving again in a couple weeks but luckily only 25 minutes away so I can keep the same group but a bit of a bummer since I finally found a good group in my neighborhood. It will get better!