Flip flop......sorry long vent

rsp247

So LO's father decided back in May that he wanted nothing to do with the baby when I refused to go to dinner to talk to him. (I didn't see a need to go out to dinner when I could talk to him on the phone or via email) And being that he has a temper I really didn't want to actually be in his presence.

So I had gotten quite used to the idea that I was going to be doing it on my own and was at peace with it. Granted with the heart defect scare I was a little concerned about getting a family medical history, but filled one out to the best of my knowledge and figured maybe one day if I really had to call for that information then I would do it because I had to and that someone would be able to answer me.

Fast forward to last Sunday. I am sitting at my computer and decide to sign on to Facebook, (normally I just check it from my phone) and he is online. All the sudden there is his face with a message of hey. Panic sets in. I don't really want to answer but he is my daughters father so I just say hi. After a few minutes he goes in about he is sorry and that he will always love me but understands that we can't be together and wants to be friends and be part of her life.

I explained to him that since he had abandoned us already that there were decisions that I had made regarding her life that I had not intentions of changing because he wants to be part of her life now. ie her name and god parent choices. He said he understood, Although I know he can't stand the name I chose.

 We chit chatted a little about his family and he told me he going out to Minnesota to visit his other daughter for about two weeks in Aug. He also said he has been working off the books bartending. (I tend to store that nugget of information for the future as he has dr notes saying he can't work becuase he is to depressed.) Also told me that he still had my things at his house for me and didn't throw them out.

Getting to the point. After back and forth for about 30 min I told him I needed to go make dinner and signed off the computer. I didn't hear anything from him the next day so on Tuesday I send him a text asking him to fill out the medical history form. I figured if we are going to be on speaking terms I might as well ask him to fill it out. I never got a response from him. That night around 3:30am he updated his status about seriously weighing his options about moving out to Minnesota in the very near future.

I don't know but I felt like that since he hasn't had a status update since we broke up in Feb. that it was kind of like a stab at me and it took everything in me not to his the like button.

My maternity leave starts in a few weeks so I plan on seeing a lawyer as soon as I have a day off from work at the moment is always consumed by doctor appointments. Just want to make sure I have all my ducks in a row before LO is here.

Any advice on what I should ask the lawyer?

Thanks for listening. Well reading.

FyreFlyeRush

Def block him on Facebook. Just setting yourself up for failure there. As usual, excellent advice from PP. got nothing to add. Maybe counseling after the baby is born and your hormones settle down? Oh, and if you and your ex are hostile, I recommend a neutral party for drop off and pik up. All my anxiety is directed at seeing SD. If I didn't have to see him, it'd be a lot easier.

rsp247

The reason I don't block him on facebook is because his friends like to post lots of pictuers of him out drinking and having a good ol time at the bars when he can't get a job. I like to collect them for when he pulls the i'm to depressed to do anything bit. I also have all of the texts saved about him trying to kill himself.

I could care less if he leaves the state. I was just a little aggrivated that he says that one day after over two months and haven't heard from him since. I'm sure it ws more the hormones that I felt like it was a stab at me. I've always known that was the plan for him to move back to MN he can't afford to live here, and honestly once his father passes away I don't think he will be making trips to NJ when he moves out there, he can't afford it. He hasn't worked in over 6 years. I actually beleived him when he said he felt like garbage for not having a job and had promised to get one by Feb of this year when we were together.

His ex said that he always had a job and then one day was just like I don't feel like it and started staying home and playing video games all day and slowly became this lazy whiney person that likes to blame all his problems on the world and likes to try to kill himself. I beleive he is now up to his 4th attempt.

His father just pays all of his bills and he thinks that when his father passes away (which his father's heath is not good at all) he will just live off his inheritance.

I know I am going to get yelled at for this but I don't want anything from him that includes C/S. I know how you all feel about going after child support, but I also know as my mother used to say about my father no matter how hard you sqeeze you can't get blood from a stone. It will be hard but I will manage and have a really great support system in my family and make enough to support us both. And I have a lot of male family and friends that can't wait to meet her and be positive male influences in her life.

So when I go to see the lawyer I want to make sure that if I don't ask for the C/S then from what I understand is that she basically according to the state just doesn't have a father since I am not married. If this is true then I don't forsee him taking any initiative to actively seek visitation or anything other that wanting her to have his last name which is not happening. He doesn't do it with his other child.

It's funny because when we first started seeing eachother I was activly trying to get him involved in his daughter's life and request to have her for a few weeks in the summer. He just didn't seem interested. The only reason he has a picture of her in his room is because I printed one out and put it in a frame. He goes to visit his other daughter once every other year for a week or two. But like I said I don't forsee him coming back to Jersey once his father passes away.

If he wants to be part of her life and actively pursues it and makes the effort I wont keep her from him. There will be stipulations which again lawyer will help with. I don't want his visit unsupervised as he has a temper and refuses to take his bipolar meds and again likes to try to kill himself.  

When ever I would ask if he took his meds he would reply with maybe I should just take the whole bottle, will that make you happy?

lovemarriagebabydivorce

Wow...So I'm not the only one this has happened to. XH left me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. He texted me and told me to get an abortion and not give my son his last name. I obviously didn't abort, but I also didn't give my son his last name. Then, a few months later he started asking questions, though he didn't attend one doctor's appointment or anything. He didn't start asking any questions about the pregnancy until he was served with papers for divorce. We were fine for a month...Then he decided he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby...Then another month went by and he started sending me "parenting plans" for himself. How he basically wanted to TAKE my infant son 85 miles away from me on the weekends for him to visit. Yeah...My health wasn't great in my 3rd trimester and
I was stressed. So I stayed away from him. He had flip-flopped too much and it hurt. He didn't attend one doctor's appointment, he wasn't present when my son was born, and my son doesn't have his last name. Then a month later he filed for custody...We are finally divorced (thank god!), and agreed to two visits per week. He gets 2 1/2 hours supervised on Wed and 6 hours superivised on Sat or Sun. Plus he has to pay CS, which I know he's more upset about than anything.

My point...I know exactly how you feel. It is a slap in the face. The best thing to do is stay away from him. Don't talk to him without consulting your lawyer first. Or if any conversations or emails come through, forward them to your lawyer. Document everything.