Going to childbirth class alone? — The Bump
3rd Trimester

Going to childbirth class alone?

So, I decided a while back not to take childbirth classes because my husband refused to go. But eventually he surprised me by telling me he would go, and then my doctor and my doula strongly recommended I take a childbirth prep class so I signed up for one. And it starts this weekend but now my husband doesn't want to go because it's on Saturday mornings. That was pretty much the only option at this point, since I'm due in less than 6 weeks now. 

So I guess I have to go alone? Is that extremely weird for a mom to go by herself, and not have her husband or some friend or partner or other "support person" with her?

I could ask one of my friends, but the ones I'd rather go with are also pregnant themselves--would it be uncouth if two pregnant ladies show up for one? 

Re: Going to childbirth class alone?

  • There was a session that DH couldn't make it to so I went alone.  It was fine.  Not everyone in the class is there with the father of the baby either.  Some are with their mothers, and I wasn't the only one that showed up solo a time or two either. 

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  • I never went to one but I'm going to assume that you should have your support partner with you.  But I'm sure you wouldn't be the first pg person to show up alone.
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  • There was one person at mine who said her husband refused to come :)  There were also a couple who had their moms with them.
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  • If this is your first, I would highly recommend that you try to get your DH to go with you.  This will be a brand new experience for him as well and I imagine the class will give him a better sense of what to expect from labor and delivery.  I think it will also teach him some good ways to support you both physically and emotionally when you are in labor.  Frankly, I would be kind of PO'd if my DH wasn't willing to give up a few hours a week to prepare for the birth of our first child! 

    That being said... my DH is an Internal Medicine resident and because of his crazy schedule and hours, I know that he'll have to miss at least one of our Childbirth classes, so I'll either be going to that one alone or with a friend.  I don't think it's the end of the world to go alone, but I would be pretty upset with my DH if he weren't at least willing to go. 

  • Of course you can go alone, but the classes really are geared towards you and your support person. I would not be ok with DH just saying he didn't want to go.  He does realize this is his responsibility too right?  And if his excuse is that it is Saturday morning he is going to be in for some surprises when he realizes that babies don't sleep in on the weekends.
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  • Not wanting to go on a Saturday Morning is a douchey reason to not want to go. What is he going to do on Saturday mornings when the kid is up? He just doesn't get to donate sperm and wash his hands. Tell him to stop being a douche and go with you.

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  • Um, not sure if you are looking to bash your hubs, but that is pretty lame of him! Like, big-time. But sorry, i will address the question...

    I think you could definitely do almost everyting in your class alone, but there will be a lot of times they will refer to your support person and I think you will feel pretty left out unless you are feeling really strong and independent about this. For example, when you do relaxation exercises, they might tell the support people to sit behind you and put their hands on your shoulders and count your breaths. So yeah, you could count your breaths on your own, but you might be seething so hard that you're not getting your little mini-backrub that you end up breathing twice as fast as you're supposed to! If my husband refused to go, I would ask my mom or a friend (and I did use my mom with my first daughter, which was awkward, but fine), but then let my husband know they were officially taking over his role as "coach," both in class and the delivery room. Good luck to you!

  • My husband came with me to our childbirth class, and just to be honest, every mom was there with dad.  Now, I went to my breastfeeding class this week, and my husband was out of town.  BUT I had told him I was going alone before we found out about that work trip, so he wouldn't have been there either way.  Anyway, there were 9 moms, and I was the only one without the dad!!  I was shocked!  I didn't really care, but I did feel just a little bit awkward when they went out of their way to talk about how great it is to see so many dads and how critical they to BF success...blah blah blah.  So, I think going alone is fine, but bringing a friend would be even better.  And just be prepared that they're going to butter up the dudes with some, "You are so amazing for being here" talk:)
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  • There wasn't anyone by themselves at my birth class, and it would have been very weird for most of the practice session if my husband wasn't there with me. If you have a doula, she can go with you as your support person, but if your husband hasn't been reading a ton, then the class is absolutely essential for him to learn how to support you in labor. Like pp said, what happens if you go into labor on a Saturday morning, or, you know, the baby wakes up on a Saturday morning (um, going to happen every single weekend). Sounds like you two need to have a realistic discussion about how your lives are going to change when the baby arrives.
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  • I don't think it would be too weird, but I loved having my DH there. He remembered different things than I did and when the time came to have my son he was great at implementing some of the suggestions from the class.

    It's actually really interesting - he might learn something Smile

  • imagePrimRoseMama:
    Not wanting to go on a Saturday Morning is a douchey reason to not want to go. What is he going to do on Saturday mornings when the kid is up? He just doesn't get to donate sperm and wash his hands. Tell him to stop being a douche and go with you.

    This!  I would totally understand if he had to work or something, but not going because it is to early is a lame cop out and would concern me big time about his commitment to having this baby.  But to answer your original question, there was one girl there without her husband because he had to work.  She left about half way through, not sure why buy I am guessing it was because either A) she realized it was something he should be at and decided to schedule it for a time he could be there, or B) felt uncomfortable being there alone and left.  There was also a woman with her friend, but she was a single mom and her friend was her actual support person.  It would have been odd to have a random person there that was not the support person, the class is geared towards mom and support person.

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  • This would be very concerning for me if DH refused to go. Does he not get the seriousness of labor? Does he not realize he will be an important part of your labor? Exactly why he needs to go and if he refuses, maybe he needs to be replaced by your mom or a friend.

    We're not going this time because we're onto baby #2. But, for the birthing classes, breast feeding classes, infant care classes we took before DS was born there were both moms & dads attending. If a mom didn't have the dad with her there was some other support person. I would not go alone. 

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  • I went to a basic Childbirth class by myself because it was when DH was working. He does tend to read up on his own, and well I would rather go by myself than not go at all, and waiting for a class that would actually work with his schedule might not happen in time.
    The infant care class I want to take, he will be able to make it to, which I am honestly more concerned about than the childbirth class, cause as I told him, during delivery there will be others to help, when we get home, we are on our own, and I need him as informed/confident as possible.
  • I went to the first 3 classes alone, and then skipped the last 2 because they weren't teaching me a damn thing I didn't already know. I went alone because DH had to work late nights and the Saturday classes were full, so I had to sign up for a 5 part class given every Tuesday evening for 5 weeks. I was the only mom there by herself, so it was kinda weird, and for the most part, it seemed like the assumption was that every women would bring some type of support partner there. If you're okay with most likely being the only chick alone there, then I'd still go. 

     My DH also wasn't super keen on going anyway, but he would've gone if I asked him and told him it was important to me. That being said, he was an absolute all star when I was in labor. Was there at my side every minute, did whatever he could to support me, helped me go to the bathroom, etc. My biggest concern for you is to what extent will your DH naturally do these things with or without the class. If you think your DH will pull through on labor day, then I guess just  make sure to educate him before them with anything else he'd need to go. But it still seems pretty douchey of him to give such a lame excuse, like PPers said.  

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  • jw87jw87 member
    I never went to a childbirth class with DS #1 and wish I had... I still haven't taken any classes but think I've learned enough in the meantime since having him. 

    If my DH couldn't go, but the hospital was close (ours was an hour away) then I'd go by myself... I didn't last time because DH's work schedule clashed with every class :(  and I never wanted to drive so far alone. 
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