Proving the in-laws wrong. Yes I can AP with a second child

KateLouise

Although neither I nor MIL or SIL have used the term AP with each other, when ever the topic of basically attending to your child's needs as quickly as possible came up, they always commented on how, "you won't be able to do that once you have another child."

They were pretty convinced that child #2 would have to be left to wail in her cot so that I could eat/shower/hang out washing/watch TV/have time to myself.

Now undoubtedly having your attention torn between two children, means sometimes one of them has to wait, but my basic philosophy has not changed.

I still BF on demand/ bedshare/ have not CIO.

I'm not saying different parenting choices are wrong, I just feel glad that having another child hasn't meant my entire philosophical approach has changed. I'm glad to prove my snarly/know-it-all in-laws wrong. 

Anyone else proven people wrong either with first or subsequent children? 

SchroederMommy2Two

When my daughter arrives I plan to AP her as well! I get those comments too and it just drives me nuts. Especially from my MIL. They think that just because the second child comes along all AP ways go out the window and are replaced by convenience. I am glad that you are going strong with the AP style! Good for you!!

MrsSR

I don't have two children, but I do think some people don't fully understand what "AP" is, since there isn't really a single definition of AP.

People think since I'm AP that I run to DD whenever she cries or needs me.  That really isn't the case.  Sometimes I can't because I'm cooking, or working on something, and she needs to wait a minute.  Sure if she's hurt I'll respond right away, but if she's just crying because she wants me to pick her up then I don't. 

But yes, I do think you can be AP with more than one kid...

mesmom2011

I worry about this. . . It will be so hard to give our next LO everything that DD has gotten.  We originally wanted our LOs 2 years apart, but recently decided to wait another year as DD is still somewhat high-maintenence.  I'm hoping that it will help if she's older and a little more independent.  I believe in our way of parenting DD and I really want to give that to our future children too.

kcisthebombdotcom

I think that AP helped me parent subsequent children and I didn't find it difficult to do with more than 1. Things like babywearing/bedsharing made parenting two children easier, not harder. I didn't feel like I had to resort to CIO with my second child.

I don't feel like I regularly left one kid crying to do something else. Of course sometimes someone had to wait, but it was easy enough to distract them to buy myself a minute or so to get what my other child needed. I felt that AP made my kids more independent so they were ok if I needed a few minutes to do something. I also think that taking advantage of the time that DH was home in the morning before work to get organized for the day really helped with that since I'd use that time to shower/prepare DS's meals for the day so I didn't have to leave the baby crying for food because I needed to make DS's lunch really helped make AP successful (and keep my sanity in general, lol).

CalinsBride

We are the same. Of course one or the other have to wait sometimes, but yes, I still BF on demand, bedshare, baby wear, BLW, and don't CIO.

skyejo

I'm really glad to see this post, especially since my kiddos will have about the same spacing as yours. My parenting philosophy hasn't changed but I still wonder how effective I'll be while tending to both a newborn and a toddler so I'm glad to see that it can be done.  Sounds like you're doing a great job!

KateLouise

I think that it does make it easier with the second, too.

 What particularly drove me nuts with my in-laws was that because they were convinced it couldn't be done with both, the inference was and therefore you shouldn't be doing it now. ie you should let that baby wail because you won't be able to rush to them once you have another one.

Which to me is like saying we won't be able to afford a holiday when we have ten children, and so therefore we should not go on a holiday now. 

00jennifer00

My parents hated AP stuff.  Every single thing related to AP.  While we still talked to them, I did enjoy showing that it was in fact possible to AP more than one kid.  We have 4 and we AP all of them. 

aglenn

CalinsBride:

We are the same. Of course one or the other have to wait sometimes, but yes, I still BF on demand, bedshare, baby wear, BLW, and don't CIO.

This is us as well.  I have not had to leave either child to cry while I do something.  Sometimes they will fuss (DS) or whine/complain (DD), but nobody is getting really upset.  Yeah, it's hard and a bit of a juggle, but it doesn't mean that my basic parenting instincts have changed.

MrsGreen620

DD is my first, but I've definitely proved my mom wrong.  She was never really against our parenting choices, but would comment about how she wouldn't be in the same bed with us because it isn't safe, eventually we'll have to let her cry, she can't always get her way (at 1 month!), cloth diapers and breastfeeding might not work, etc.  

I'm not exactly in a "HA!  Proved you wrong!" sort of situation, but it's nice that my husband and I are on the same page and it doesn't matter what page anyone else is on!

francophonia

I always got those comments when we adopted DD. Partially because she was adopted. We got her as a newborn and when we decided to adopt I was still BFing DS, and after weaning him I get pumping so I could BF DD, and it was an amazing experience. Babywearing is another huge help, but I feel like at the point we got DD, DS was mature enough to handle not being near us every minute. DS has always been more independent. I worry a little when a 3rd comes along, since DD is still young and needy, but I think I can handle it.

hey_little_bird

i'm glad this post is here, it gives me a positive outlook for my future kiddos!