Seeing family members

Bayberry12

Since my loss I don't really spend much time with people other than my husband.  I just feel like I don't "fit in" with my friends anymore, and it is extremely hard for me to see family members because I always feel like my daughter should be here too.

Well my MIL is a very anxious person, she has always had these issues and anxiety/emotional related health problems like upset stomach, high blood pressure.  During my pregnancy her anxiety and health got really bad. She was very nervous about my pregnancy always offering advise about eating, not traveling too far from the hospital, worrying if my nieces were getting too rambunctious around me, anything you could think of she was worried about.  Well needless to say, our worst nightmare came true when we lost the baby.  But now, we have only gone to see my MIL once since the loss.  She is still having health issues due to her anxiety/depression.  My SIL is saying a lot of it is because we don't go to visit her, and she misses us.

This is kind of upsetting to me because I think I am the one who should be sad, and grieving.  I can't do anything to change how I feel, so how can I be expected to put on a happy face and see my MIL & FIL?  My SIL has also been posting things on FB about the rough couple months her family has been through, and how she is not giving up on life, or letting sadness hold her back. Maybe these are just normal positive inspiration things, but I get the feeling she is judging my grief.

I don't really know the point of this post, but this is what I am dealing with today.   

lrichmond86

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.  I can understand not wanting to be around family because you're missing the child that you should have with you.  I feel that way some times at bigger family functions.  Would it be possible for your DH to visit his parents without you, maybe even explain to them that you're just not up for visits right now?  I know that my parents felt really anxious after our loss, not because of the grief they felt about our son, but because they felt like there was nothing they could do that was going to "fix" things for us.  Maybe DH's mom just needs to feel like she's still "mothering", particularly in this very difficult time?  Obviously I don't know the situation, but it might be worth a try.  Best of luck with this!

lmielocl1

I am sorry that you are going through this. I am going through a different but similar situation with my parents (they have not once said our son's name and I truly believe since Ethan was only 18w, they do not think they lost a grandson.)  They visited 2 weeks ago and it was a very difficult weekend.  This was the first time I had seen them since our loss in mid-June. 

I think you should do what is best for you and your grieving.  I think the idea of having your DH go to visit his mother alone is a good one, only if that would help both you & your MIL.  Could you also have your DH talk to your SIL to let her know that her posts are not helping?  Could she possibly not realize? 

 (((Hugs))) to you!!  

jbranden12

If your SIL is judging your grief, that is her problem and not yours. (Hopefully) she will never understand your grief.

I understand how it is hard to see family. In fact, my husband is 5,000 miles away right now visiting his family for the first time since we lost Patricia. I couldn't go due to finances, work, and school, but also I know how hard it would have been for me. I imagined flying over this fall and introducing his family to their first granddaughter, not bringing a photo album of the only pictures we'll ever have of her. 

*hugs*