Thinking about 2u2

cris_miah

Hello everyone,

I'm a lurker and get lots of ideas and answers to my questions by reading everyone's posts; however, I have a question. LO is 10.5 mos and DH and I are considering trying for another once she turns 1; however we are a little hesitant. I'm a SAHM and LO is very attached. She won't stay with anyone without screaming her head off, doesn't nap, doesn't STTN, and will only stop crying if I'm holding her (even poor DH can't calm her down). My question is this: are DH and I crazy for thinking that we can try for another while LO is still so attached. Please don't get me wong, I love that LO is so attached to me, but how will that work with a newborn in the picture?

TIA for any and all suggestions that you have!

MammaBear81

I think 2 under 2 is wonderful, I've done it several times over, but if I were in your situation I would work on your older one being a little less clingy before TTC.  Your DD needs to learn some self soothing skills, along with trusting other people.  Sorry if this wasn't the reply you were looking for.

kcisthebombdotcom

I think that shouldn't stop you. If you went off birth control the day of your DD's first birthday and got lucky enough to get pregnant the first month, your DD would be 21 months old when your new baby arrived. You're likely going to have a totally different child behavior-wise in another year. 10 months is usually around the peak of separation anxiety, so it is totally normal that she is very attached to you, especially since you SAH. I notice daycare kids don't go through this phase to the same extreme.

With that being said, you should encourage her to gain independence and a closer bond with your DH because when you have two kids you're going to need her to have those skills. Start with practicing at home. Warn her that you need to go do something, put her down, and come back after a minute or two. Show her that when you leave, you do come back. If she's happily playing independently in a safe area, leave her be for a few minutes before going back to her.

Another thing that's important is to utilize regular babysitters (you might want to start with just DH first, then work your way to people she's comfortable with). Even if you start with a quick 20 minute ride to sit and have a cup of coffee, she will start adapting to separations better. Make sure you know she's completely comfortable before she leaves, and keep your goodbye quick and to the point (but make sure you do have a goodbye routine because if you try to sneak away it's going to make it worse).

In terms of things to do with DH to have him be able to comfort him, have him do little things that's special to just the two of them. Maybe have him take over bathtime in the evenings so he gets a little alone bonding time with baby. If you notice a particular song she likes, maybe have him sing it to her.