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Anti CIO read...
https://www.alternative-mama.com/a-letter-from-a-sleep-training-baby/
saw this posted on another board by someone and had to repost someplace where it wouldn't be dismissed as jibberish! I wish all moms would read this, if you know anyone thinking of sleep training pass this along to them
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Re: Anti CIO read...
^THIS^
This infant is a freaking poet laureate....
I'm anti CIO for our family. I'm pro families making the best choices for their own situation.
I never really care for writing that is so blatantly designed to guilt trip people. I love the parody that's around where the baby is "training" his Mum not to STTN.
Having said all of that, the last line "Now, at night time, I am quiet. But I still miss you." gets me.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
If people are making the best choices for their own situation then why would a post by an internet stranger make them feel guilty? I'm reminded of the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
I actually didn't find the post to be that emotionally gripping. It came across very contrived.
But if a post like this leads to a person feeling guilt about their decision to utilize CIO then maybe they should re-evaluate why they made that choice, recognize that what's done is done, and move forward however they feel is best. IMO guilt can be useful if it causes one to reflect upon their choices in a positive manner. I don't feel it's an emotion to be avoided at all costs.
&I've seen that letter before. It doesn't really hit home with me since we don't CIO, but I can't deny that it's a sad piece to read.
Eh. We are choosing not to CIO but like PPs have said, it seems like the writer has set out on a crusade, and that usually doesn't sit well with me.
But now I'm wondering, how many people lurk this board just to pounce on stuff like this? I'm new to it so, don't know if that's common?
ETA I wrote that question, then thought, "Wait. What if they're not lurkers? Oh dear. I've made a large assumption." So, sorry if that's the case! It was a dumb question.
I can see that you?re tired, mummy, but I love you so much. I just want to be near to you, that?s all.
Can you see that I am tired and I want to shake the *** out of you? And no you don't just want to be near me you then want to crawl all around the bed and play. It was fine for the first 3 months heck the first 6 months, but eventually I ran out of energy. Sorry lil guy I gave it my best, thankfully now you STTN and don't even remember that thankfully short and grueling few days.
I love my LO and wanted so bad for co-sleeping to work. I did it more out of guilt than what worked for out family because of articles like this. And when you are a FTM worried that you are going to create a psychopath because you let your LO CIO then yes guilt works but not in making a decision that is right for your family.
Because no mother likes to hear their baby cry. Because some parents are simply at the end of their rope and see no other way of pushing through, but do not in theory agree with CIO. Because some parents will have done CIO and then changed their mind part way through the process (no matter how good they felt about the decision to begin with).
Because many parents can be made to second guess themselves about any number of decisions and actions that as parents we make on a daily basis.
Maybe I am in the minority, but I am not 100% sure that I am doing a 100% pefect job of parenting 100% of the time. And sometimes I have done things I have regretted. And sometimes I have felt bad about my actions.
I admire people who are so full of confidence that no one else is ever able to make them doubt themselves.
I don't think guilt is a good starting point for full-rounded discussion.
And FWIW I don't think guilt and inferiority are the same thing at all.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
This!
They are not.
I don't know anyone that has never doubted themselves based on something that someone else told them. Particularly a emotional, hormonal, sleep-deprived mama.
The author is on a passive agressive mission to make women feel bad about their choice to CIO.
FWIW, I was anti-CIO until we had an extremely colic DD. She would scream a minimum of 7 hours a days, every single day, starting at 4 pm, like clockwork. Colic babies do not play by the rules and you can shuffle, rock, nurse, bounce, drive, co-sleep, whatever method you want and colic babies will scream louder.
We co-clept until DD was post-colic, but post-colic babies almost always have serious sleeping issues. Eventually we did CIO. She had two nights of serious crying and that was it. She has been sleeping 12 hours straight ever since.
Whatever gets everyone the most sleep is the method for that family.
I don't feel 100% confident all the time, and sometimes I look back and think boy that wasn't the best choice. But that reflection is a good thing. My point was more, that if you're doing the best you can with the situation you have, then you're doing a good job so don't let strangers tell you otherwise.
If you're feeling guilt, it can be a catalyst for self-reflection. To ask yourself, why am I feeling guilty?
No guilt and inferiority aren't the same, but it's more the notion that someone can't make you feel anything. And the author's post is positioning non-CIO as the "better" choice, thus CIO parents feel guilty that they took the lesser option, leading them to feel like inferior parents.
IMO parents who chose CIO aren't better or worse than those that don't. And I think posts like this, where some anonymous blogger attempts to position her choice as the best and only way to parent shouldn't make anyone feel either guilty or satisfied if they did/didn't do CIO. But if you read something like this and are feeling guilty then maybe you should ask yourself why and see where that takes you. Perhaps it will end with you feeling more confident that your choice was in fact the correct one. You may realize - I have nothing to feel guilty about.
Thanks for the further explanation. It was really nicely expressed.
Now that I understand your point better, I agree. At the same time however, I think for many people when we feel guilty it's easy to get defensive. It takes a degree of self awareness and clarity of thought to reflect openly and honestly on our actions and our emotional reactions.
Hormonal, sleep-deprived Mums may not be in the best place to reflect gently on their parenting. Feelings of guilt are only going to make that harder.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
That's a very good point. I was really thinking generally - but especially those first few weeks everything is scary/hard/overwhelming! Although hopefully no one is letting their newborn CIO....I don't know of anyone who promotes that as a good idea.