Feeling down ttc at age 44....

BeckyP005

Hello. I post over on TTC 35+ board. I just turned 44 in May and MH and I are in the process of doing DE IVF. The tests and waiting list will probably take me into next May that is if all goes as planned and I will be 45 then.

Anyone here give birth around my age? Did you have a hard pregnacy being "older"? When my child graduates I will be 63? I'm totally freaking out about this. This is what I have wanted for a very long time but not sure if I can handle being an older mom. I have nightmares where my child is in elementary school and I'm wishing I never had him/her because I'm worn out. Sounds pathetic I know. I'm tired now working 11 hr days and my feet feel like I have arthriditis when getting out of bed. Eh...I just feel a mess.

Sorry for the bit of whining. I'm just scared....I guess that's normal? I feel like I've come this far meaning me talking MH into trying for a child that I shouldn't give up. Any thoughts to calm me down? Thanks for reading. Hope you ladies don't think I'm a nutcase...lol

BrideBuddies

I was 42 when we had our kid... and yes, I do worry about being 60-something when he's still in his early 20s.

But so what???  I'd rather be a mature parent than some 20-year old chippy who barely can handle herself.  At least that was how I was when I was 20.. not responsible at all!

And FYI.. we're not doing anything to prevent another pregnancy... except for not having that much energy to actuallly do the deed all that often!  HA

 

gimmietimmies

I'm not 40 yet, but in my mix of friends, quite a few didn't have their kids till their mid 40's. DS' friends parents are a riot, their "age" hasn't spoiled their youthful outlook on life, if you kwim? Some look their age, some don't, none act geriatric, and none regret having kids late. Parenting at any age has it's challenges. I think it's your attitude going in, if you think it will be fine, it probably will.

If it makes you feel any better, I'd dare anyone to guess at the age of a few of these parents. They're giving me a hard time about joining running club, apparently I need to come train with them. I have reservations about training with a 55 year old that runs a 10 k in under 40 minutes.

BeckyP005

gimmietimmies:

I'm not 40 yet, but in my mix of friends, quite a few didn't have their kids till their mid 40's. DS' friends parents are a riot, their "age" hasn't spoiled their youthful outlook on life, if you kwim? Some look their age, some don't, none act geriatric, and none regret having kids late. Parenting at any age has it's challenges. I think it's your attitude going in, if you think it will be fine, it probably will.

If it makes you feel any better, I'd dare anyone to guess at the age of a few of these parents. They're giving me a hard time about joining running club, apparently I need to come train with them. I have reservations about training with a 55 year old that runs a 10 k in under 40 minutes.

Your comment that none look geriatic made me chuckle. Your right....doesn't matter what age you are I'm sure there are different challenges that pp have. Thank you   

indianasunshine

Hi Becky,

 

I am 43 and had my first at 40.  DH and I are in the process of choosing a donor right now for a DE cycle.  I will likely be 44 or darn close when I have another child. It scares me a bit, but I don't really feel old.  I want my son to have a sibling, so I am sure it will all work out.  One thing that does make me feel old is reading the family history of the donors in the database and realizing that most of them have parents who are younger than me.  Seriously!

 

Good luck with your journey! 

Pesky

I would think you were a bit odd if you didn't voice those concerns.  Every mom-to-be (TTC and pg) has concerns -- they just might vary with the stage of your life.  Personally I feel like I am a better mom being older.  I'm more secure in my parenting and more comfortable telling nosey nellies to butt out.  

FyreFlyeRush

I was 19 when I had my daughter, and 35 with my son. It is way easier at 35 than 19. I'm wiser, stronger, more mature, have more patience. I sure as heck make more money. I don't regret anything about the last 16 years, but I was way too young to be a mom.

Keeping my fingers crossed you get your miracle baby.

PS, I actually HAVE arthritis in my feet. Have since 16. My hands, too. Kids keep me active, and being active keeps the flare ups down. 

MelissaMiso

I just had my first in May at the age of 39. I'm glad I'm an older mom. It is challenging, but the benefits totally support my decision. Added bonus: the grandparents are all retired and around a lot to dote over and babysit my daughter.

SaintCity

I had my babies at 38 and 41 and I feel great!  It also helps that there are TONS of us...ahem...older moms these days.  I wish you the very best of luck and pray that you get your BFP soon!  Good luck - you'll be a great mom.

BeckyP005

Thanks ladies. I guess I just needed a pep talk I was in limbo with tests for awhile so I think I started "thinking" too much!

Strunella

I gave birth to DS at 41 and am currently TTC #2.  I can't say that I don't think about my age, but I would not have let that deter me from trying to be a mom.  I have several friends around my age who are still having babies (or recently had them), so it's not that unusual anymore.  I think when you become a mom later in life, you really appreciate every.single.day with your little one because you wanted it SO badly.  I really do feel like every moment with my DS is a gift and I think that's what makes older moms different.

I wish you lots of luck on your path to motherhood!  

stever

I'm a whipper snapper at 38, but wanted to offer you support. I think it's totally understandable to be scared, we're all scared, but you push through it.

I have MS and am always wracked by fears of what may happen when I'm 50, 55, 60, but as my beloved uncle, who was born when my grandma was 46, says, "you're gonna be whatever age you're worried about anyway, so why should that stop you?"

Tons of luck sent yout way!

gimmietimmies

BeckyP005:

Thanks ladies. I guess I just needed a pep talk I was in limbo with tests for awhile so I think I started "thinking" too much!

Roll with it baby! How's this for perspective. Although my "idol" Dara Torres missed making the Olympics this go, she's 45 and can still kick the asses of most 15-45 year old women, and still looks amazing. I have been guilted into going back into training. I don't expect to make the Olympics, but I figure that I can at least set an example and get into shape again. And she does it as a mom. I like her mind set.

jcath

I had my oldest (now 18 year old) son when I was 23 and the girls when I was 41. Shockingly my 41 year old twin pregnancy was easier than my sons.  At least where I live, there are lots of first time moms in their late 30s and early 40s.  I don't think it's all that uncommon. Having your oldest and youngest be 17 years apart is though  I think you will be just fine.

Best of luck! 

DerSto

I am 44 and had IVF in May of this year using a donor egg and so far so good at the three month stage! I will be 45 by the time the baby is born and I too think about age sometimes but it is all relative, I guess. Sometimes I feel old and other times I don't, especially when people think and tell me I look like I am only in my 30s. That makes me feel much better, haha. 

I am sure nobody thinks you're crazy but it is understandable to feel nervous, and old and scared because we are considered high risk at our age.

I went to university with a friend whose Mom was "older" but she didn't mind and her Mom was actually pretty cool and a very nice lady.

I am sure that by the time you have IVF and find out you are pregnant these ideas will be the furthest from your mind since you'll be dealing with the dreaded morning sickness. I think it is worse for IVF patients because you're taking hormones until the 12th week. I know it has not been fun for me.

Best of luck! 

BeckyP005

DerSto:

I am 44 and had IVF in May of this year using a donor egg and so far so good at the three month stage! I will be 45 by the time the baby is born and I too think about age sometimes but it is all relative, I guess. Sometimes I feel old and other times I don't, especially when people think and tell me I look like I am only in my 30s. That makes me feel much better, haha. 

I am sure nobody thinks you're crazy but it is understandable to feel nervous, and old and scared because we are considered high risk at our age.

I went to university with a friend whose Mom was "older" but she didn't mind and her Mom was actually pretty cool and a very nice lady.

I am sure that by the time you have IVF and find out you are pregnant these ideas will be the furthest from your mind since you'll be dealing with the dreaded morning sickness. I think it is worse for IVF patients because you're taking hormones until the 12th week. I know it has not been fun for me.

Best of luck! 

Congrats! I "look" young also...hahaa but my body feels old! It's hard to relate to my friends when they are not as old as me. Some have already told me that I am a bit crazy....oh well. This is what I've always wanted so hopefully if it works nothing else will matter

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments.

leffe1

Hi, I am having my 2nd and will be 41. It is scary but it is just the way it was meant to be for us. I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your journey! I think it's a bit tougher on my body at age 40 but I manage.

BeckyP005

leffe1:

Hi, I am having my 2nd and will be 41. It is scary but it is just the way it was meant to be for us. I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your journey! I think it's a bit tougher on my body at age 40 but I manage.

Your daughter in your siggy is adorable then I saw that you are from the 'burgh....me too

Echowysp

I'm 41 and have 2 small ones.  I'm tired, but hell, so are my friends who are 29 with kids.  Kids just make you tired.

Don't worry, you're not going to feel like a grandma.  I don't.  As long as you keep your health up, you'll be fine.  

A friend of mine had her last one at 43.  She acts and feels no differently than when she was a first time mom at 28.  She says she's a much better mom at this age because she's got more patience and wisdom.  

GL to you. 

urbanflowerpot

I'm one of the youngsters here (36) but I wanted to reply anyway because you said your aches and pains make you feel old. Mine do, too, and I have nightmares about them sometimes. I worry that I won't be able to keep up, etc. However, half my aches started when I was 21 so starting younger wouldn't have helped that way. You just never know with those things. Anyway, I have daily chronic pain (ranging from mild to severe) from ovarian cysts/endo and I have plantar fasciitis in both feet - one foot has nerve damage that caused my toes to curl and now a myriad of problems. It hurts to walk. I wear Crocs indoors all day and Docs out on the street and they've helped as much as shoes can. DS and I find a way to be active together even if sometimes I'm sitting - nobody would ever guess. 

You'll find your groove! You can do it GL TTC! 

CobaltBlue2

I'm 42, and my daughter is almost 1, and we're trying to make her a sibling...but her dad is 52!   I have a lot of concerns about our being older, and also that she won't have us around for as long as others.  I mean, if she doesn't have kids until she's my age, it's not likely that they'll know her dad...which is a shame, because he's pretty amazing, and fantastic with kids.  And she only has one grandparent herself.Anyway, I think that the joy of becoming a parent and having a wonderful new family at this age is often tinged with some sadnesses.

JillAly

I had my son at 40 and my dd at 43.  My mother had her kids all by the age of 26. She resented "giving up" the prime of her life to have kids and talked about how we ruined her life.  I'm sure that played a huge part in me having kids after I got to travel, have an amazing career, etc.  My kids may have me for a shorter time period and I may not be as active as a 26 year old, but they will know that no one in the world wanted them more than I did. 

As for being an older mom, it depends on the area where you live, but I don't feel alone being "old".  My 3 best friends?  

Age 45 - 4 year old and 2 1/2 year old
Age 45-  13 year old and 3 year old
Age 46 -  2 year old

 

 

BeckyP005

You ladies are too sweet....thank you.

jaimevogt

60 is the new 40

fairy_diva

Just throwing MTCW in   I was 37 when I concieved my son and 38 when he was born last August.  As of right now I am 39, getting ready to celebrate his 1st birthday and wondering about a second one.  Its more finances & insurance reason I'm hesitant not my age   We pay out of pocket for my husband and our LO, my job provides mine but not family coverage and his job does not at all.  We have hopes of a new job for him this fall and if that works out then I hope to have a second baby within a year or two if God is willing to bless us. 

NewMrs07

BrideBuddies:

I was 42 when we had our kid... and yes, I do worry about being 60-something when he's still in his early 20s.

But so what???  I'd rather be a mature parent than some 20-year old chippy who barely can handle herself.  At least that was how I was when I was 20.. not responsible at all!

And FYI.. we're not doing anything to prevent another pregnancy... except for not having that much energy to actuallly do the deed all that often!  HA

 

This exactly! Also not preventing either, if we get pg with #2 it would be awesome. Just turned 42 and am very tired all the time. Oh well. It is what it is!