Tacky Boss! (cw's bfp mentioned)
sundowner85
member
I am a teacher at a private school and love the kids and love my job overall. But I am dreading the start of school because one of my superior's is the world's tackiest person. She is known for asking nosy questions all the time, and disguises it with friendly small talk. Unfortunately I have to see her every day because I have to walk through her office as I enter and exit the building.
A story:
Close co-worker (CW) friend gets pregnant, announces after POAS and tells the due date to boss. Due date is in the summer, every teacher's dream time to have a baby. Boss has small talk convo with me later that day and asks me "Aren't you so excited for CW? So when are you and H going to have kids?" I answer with "oh I don't know. We'll have to see!" Boss replies, "Well, when you do have kids, make sure to have a summer baby like CW. I'm SO glad that CW is due in the summer. Isn't that so perfect? She will be ready to come back by the first day of school!" And I'm like, "Yeah, that's great for her." Boss reiterates, "Yeah well just make sure you do, too, when you guys decide to have kids." With my eyes bugged all the way out I said, "Well it would be so nice to plan these things but of course you can't really plan anything in life" And then she looked really confused and said "oh yeah." I changed the topic.
That took place only about 4 months into TTC for us, but she mentioned several other times throughout CW's pregnancy how glad she was that it was a summer baby. I don't know how I will handle a conversation like that now that it's been 13 months and I'm more jaded and bitter. Yes I realize what she did is probably illegal but I love my job way too much and am too scared to lose it, to ever seek any recourse unless I was ever actually fired because of her shenanigans. There is no one to report her to because she is an owner as well.
Does anyone else have a crazy/tacky boss who makes you ragey? What do you do or say to them?
Re: Tacky Boss! (cw's bfp mentioned)
Eh, while I think it's strange your boss didn't let it go, they are right in that a summer baby is easiest for them. They don't have to worry about a long term sub, transition from you to a new teacher, parent worries about new teacher, you coming back, etc.
Having said all that, my boss has been beyond amazing, but I've also told him what's going on. I was a bit vauge at first in saying I was having a medical issue which required time sensitive dr appts. It wasn't something that was life threatening, but still serious. He said do whatever I needed and he'd in come in personally to cover my class if needed. I let him know that this had no impact on my job, etc.
I told him our our adoption plans in April and tomorrow I'm meeting to tell him about IVF in October.
I totally agree that a summer baby is easiest when you work in schools. When DH and I first started trying I was naive like many others and convinced that I could plan it. I cried many tears of jealousy over CW's pregnancy.
My employer can think those thoughts all she wants, and even saying how great it was about CW's fortunate circumstance is tacky but still fine. I thought she crossed a line when she told me to "make sure to have a summer baby." It's pushy at best and totally inappropriate at worst.
I am interested to know if others think it's okay for an employer to tell an employee when they think they should have a baby.
Although I love my job because I have alot of freedom to teach what I want, run the class how I want, and am not subjected to the 8 million hoops to jump through in public schools, it does come with some drawbacks that are not conducive to TTTC/IF. We get 3 paid sick/personal days per year, any more than that is unpaid. One teacher missed 5 total days of work because of her child's illness, and she received a bad attendance review on her evals because of it. My employer totally resents anyone who has to be out for any reason. Thank goodness for FMLA though. That is why I tried to plan a summer baby.
That is great that your boss is so supportive. Sounds like you are at a great school. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow.
This. I don't think they are actually telling you to have a summer baby.
Have you considered telling your boss what's going on?
I agree. I read what the statement from your boss as unsolicited advice. That it would be easier for all interested parties if you had a summer baby.
Thanks to both of my fellow teachers for responding. I realize maybe I was being too sensitive. I know my boss is a nice person, and means well deep down, she's just pushy. She is supportive about my ability to teach in the classroom, not so supportive of the teachers' personal issues.
I hear so many stories from others that I am scared to talk to her because I'm not sure how serious she is when she makes these weird comments. There are alot of young women in our school and she tells people with 2 or more kids "I hope you're done having kids." And if a teacher's child is sick she will question them up and down about "how sick" the child is and "why couldn't someone else stay home with them?" A kitchen staff member had a young child with an emergency medical situation, missed 5 days, and boss demoted her because of "missing too much work." Kind of freaks me out.
I think I would only talk to her if I knew for sure I would have to miss any work because of any Dr. appts. I will try to schedule everything around breaks, days off, afternoons.
Thanks for your reply.I am a little surprised no one so far would have felt offended about a superior giving advice regarding TTC considering the boat we are all in here. People seem to get outraged when people tell them "relax and it will happen" or "stop trying and it will happen" but it's okay for an employer to give advice about when you should give birth. I guess I was wrong.
I guess I just need to let it go. I haved cried many tears over the fact that I cannot control whether I can make it "easier for all interested parties." Isn't that why we're all gathered here, because we aren't able to just take someone's unsolicited advice?
Don't get me wrong - your boss sounds like a total jerkface. People are insensitive and say stupid shiit all the time. I would feel offended and would probably have told my boss that I'd been trying for over a year and that he could STFU.
Okay I thought I was losing my mind. Thank you for the clarification. I love telling insensitive co-workers, family members and friends where they can stuff their advice, but someone who pays me money I need to get by is another story.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
It sounds like he definitely should have known better. Ugh, I'm sorry about that. He stinks.
Not a teacher, so maybe just a different perspective here but I would find it completely innapropriate for my boss to even jokingly suggest when I should have a baby. I can't imagine a planet where he would ever do that, but if he did I wouldn't hesitate to take it to HR. If your boss brings it up again can you say something to let her know you're not comfortable discussing?
Sounds like you're in a tricky spot, best of luck to you.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I am relieved to hear that others think it wasn't appropriate. If she pushes for info again I may say something that lets her know I'm not comfortable discussing it. I wish I could take it to HR, this superior is not only part owner of the school but also lifelong best friends with the head of HR. Thanks for the support.