Advice on H freaking out with eating

melaniedel

Ugh! Last night was horrific. I already have boundary issues with MIL, so wasn't hopping up and down to go out with them las night. Anyway, I feed my DS pieces of whatever we eat,. I always have. He's never had purees. It went from mashed and pea size to bigger pieces, and strips now. I feed him three times a day since 6 months, and snacks now. Anyway we go out to eat last night, and I'm cutting the quesadilla's in strips and my H is watching like a hawk, and questioning me (like freaking out-like a control thing it felt like). Then his MIL, and her boyfriend were staring at the baby, and she says oh I hate when babies eat. I snapped at H, and said to her "Why are you worried, you're not his Mommy, you're Grandma". If you're so worried, then we all won't go out again. I was just so livid, and this is after she has made numerous comment on similar things. Last night, H started it and I'm still so mad I can't look at him. He takes my little baby to swim lessons every saturday. Do I yell, and hover, and critique the times that I go watch? He's teaching DS to go under water for God's sake, and it makes me nervous as hell. I'm so mad right now, it ruined the entire evening, because I was waiting for something like that to happen. It was very awquard, them watcing and questioning when I feed him like this all of the time. What do they expect him not to advance? Sorry, this is a bit of a vent? I'm not even speaking to my H right now. Any advice?

katie4253

Honestly, you were rude to your MIL. Lots of people get very nervous when babies eat.  I think that is pretty normal...

 I really think you both need to settle your asses down.  Your H isn't doing anything scary by teaching your LO to swim and you aren't by feeding him. 

You aren't speaking to your H?  Grow up.  Really.  Just go up to him and acknowledge that you are both first time parents and both get nervous when new things are happening and that you should support each other rather than tear each other down. 

 

jnjmommy0609

katie4253:

Honestly, you were rude to your MIL. Lots of people get very nervous when babies eat.  I think that is pretty normal...

 I really think you both need to settle your asses down.  Your H isn't doing anything scary by teaching your LO to swim and you aren't by feeding him. 

You aren't speaking to your H?  Grow up.  Really.  Just go up to him and acknowledge that you are both first time parents and both get nervous when new things are happening and that you should support each other rather than tear each other down. 

 

This. Work together...not against. And not talking won't help a thing. It's a very petty thing to do. 

melaniedel

katie4253:

Honestly, you were rude to your MIL. Lots of people get very nervous when babies eat.  I think that is pretty normal...

 I really think you both need to settle your asses down.  Your H isn't doing anything scary by teaching your LO to swim and you aren't by feeding him. 

You aren't speaking to your H?  Grow up.  Really.  Just go up to him and acknowledge that you are both first time parents and both get nervous when new things are happening and that you should support each other rather than tear each other down. 

This is not a new thing, like I said! His reaction was new, and embaressing, and one I expect from his Mother. I do support the swimming, and never hovered or underminded him in front of people. Yes, I was I was rude mil, but you don't know the back story with questioning my feeding techniques, etc. Thanks for the advice!

melaniedel

jnjmommy0609:

katie4253:

Honestly, you were rude to your MIL. Lots of people get very nervous when babies eat.  I think that is pretty normal...

 I really think you both need to settle your asses down.  Your H isn't doing anything scary by teaching your LO to swim and you aren't by feeding him. 

You aren't speaking to your H?  Grow up.  Really.  Just go up to him and acknowledge that you are both first time parents and both get nervous when new things are happening and that you should support each other rather than tear each other down. 

 

This. Work together...not against. And not talking won't help a thing. It's a very petty thing to do. 

Yes, probably true. He's still asleep and I woke up still angry. Can't help it. It'll pass, and we'll just discuss when I calm down a bit.

MollyAnn11

I think you have every right to be upset!  Your MIL needs to keep her mouth shut, he's your baby not hers.  Did he choke all dinner long trying to eat???  And to the pp, swimming is more scary.  He's been learning to eat everyday for months, not as scary.  Honestly I believe your hubby needs to tell his mom to back off a bit, she is his mom not his wife he needs to support you.  You feed your baby everyday so I'm just guessing, but I'm pretty sure your hubby has seen him eat before...  I've asked my hubby to talk to his mom and sister about things they feed our 10 month old.  Like ice cream at 9 at night when its an hour and a half past his bed time anyways.  And I have a great relationship with my in-laws!

Good luck and your not in the wrong, just cool off so you can talk to hubby without blowing up at him!

SharonB222

Exactly - cool down and then talk.  I have a similar issue with my MIL about food and dress.  I lost it last winter once and yelled at her; I apologized immediately (about yelling, not about being upset) but aaargh!!!  Knowing these issues, I talk to DH before entering a "situation" with MIL - out of earshot, as we sit down to eat "DH, are you prepared to feed her this way or that, do you have any concerns?"  If he starts getting weird and I'm mellow still, I can ask him at the table or take him aside and again ask about his concerns --- now whether he can verbalize his actual concern is a whole other issue.   If I'm seeing red because of a particular comment or glare, well, time will heal. (wink) ---- Oh, TIP:  I had DH read particular chapters from the book BLW to give him confidence about our choice (educated risks) in the face of MIL's overprotectiveness.

melaniedel:

Yes, probably true. He's still asleep and I woke up still angry. Can't help it. It'll pass, and we'll just discuss when I calm down a bit.

AsOctoberFalls

MollyAnn11:

And to the pp, swimming is more scary.  He's been learning to eat everyday for months, not as scary.

The point is that swimming scares her.  Eating strips of food scares her hubby.  Whether their fears are valid isn't the point (IMO, both fears are valid, but you have to learn to deal with fear when you have a baby!). The point is that she needs to respect her H and he needs to respect her, and they need to work together.  I personally think it's ridiculous that you're still angry and not speaking to him after having a night to cool off. 

melaniedel

AsOctoberFalls:

MollyAnn11:

And to the pp, swimming is more scary.  He's been learning to eat everyday for months, not as scary.

The point is that swimming scares her.  Eating strips of food scares her hubby.  Whether their fears are valid isn't the point (IMO, both fears are valid, but you have to learn to deal with fear when you have a baby!). The point is that she needs to respect her H and he needs to respect her, and they need to work together.  I personally think it's ridiculous that you're still angry and not speaking to him after having a night to cool off. 

No, the point is I don't undermind him during lessons (like he did with last night), because I respect, and trust him.

Obviously, I wasn't cooled off yet and waiting to discuss rationally is always the better choice in my family.

melaniedel

MollyAnn11:

I think you have every right to be upset!  Your MIL needs to keep her mouth shut, he's your baby not hers.  Did he choke all dinner long trying to eat???  And to the pp, swimming is more scary.  He's been learning to eat everyday for months, not as scary.  Honestly I believe your hubby needs to tell his mom to back off a bit, she is his mom not his wife he needs to support you.  You feed your baby everyday so I'm just guessing, but I'm pretty sure your hubby has seen him eat before...  I've asked my hubby to talk to his mom and sister about things they feed our 10 month old.  Like ice cream at 9 at night when its an hour and a half past his bed time anyways.  And I have a great relationship with my in-laws!

Good luck and your not in the wrong, just cool off so you can talk to hubby without blowing up at him!

Thanks for your reply! She can be over-bearing, and expected it last night, but was surprised that he started considering we eat breakfast and dinner together every night! I've had him talk to her before, and was trying to think of something to say to her myslef next time it happened, but it didn't quite come out how I planned. 

lanbob

My hubby is a little on the over protective side too. There is an 11year gap between DD2 and DS so like with our girl I am the one who mainly feeds lil man. He gets nervous too. I know it's irritating but just remember he loves the both of you. I'm also sure that he did not mean to upset you. He is just being daddy. My MIL forgets her boundaries too every now and then. They feel the need to guide their children.I'm sure she was just making a statement not trying to judge. Just breath and try to make up.

melaniedel

Thank you everyone.