Acting out (DD mentioned)

a&aw12707

My DD started acting out (being very whiny, throwing fits, etc) when we found out I was PG with Mason. Ever since our loss, it's gotten so much worse. I understand that this is part of the grieving process for a 4 yo, but when and where to you draw the line?

careyalis

***ticker***

 

I don't have any advice as a parent, because our daughter was our first. I have, however, seen this trend as a teacher though dealing with children after traumatic life experiences (sexual abuse, ect.) My biggest piece of advice is to be consistent with your expectations and discipline practices. It is a disservice to you child to let them break all of the previous rules and blame it on the situation. Of course you should be compassionate and willing to listen whenever she needs to talk, but as far as behavior goes just be consistent. Children crave structure and it will help her to start feeling safe and normal again. Good luck with everything and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of your own grief. 

pottermommy

We took Katelyn to grief counseling where they did play therapy (it was free through the hospice program).

But at home she went BSC all of a sudden.  We drew the line at abusive behavior.  You can not yell at mom or dad.  You can not throw things or be destructive (she was also 4).

We directed her to her room for tantrums and fits b/c it is ok to have feelings and anger but this is the family room and it is not ok to make everyone else mad so if you want to throw a fit you may do so in your room where everything is yours.  (Then we would go in once she calmed down)  But she was not allowed to throw or hit or kick her things.  If she did we woudl take them away until she would respect them.

We offered everyday to let her draw a letter or card to Kam or to blow bubbles to heaven etc.  if she wanted to do it, great if not, great.

WHen she was whiney and acting overly babyish we would not pay attention to those requests.  She would have to stop whining and say I want a drink, not cry and whine for one. 

The biggest thing to remember is that at 4 there are only so many ways to let out your emotions and you don't know how to explain it.  But sometimes they learn that acting sad and angry aobut little sib gets them attention so they do it but sometimes they really are sad and angry.

Our best tool was crayons.  If she was really acting off we would sit down and lay out colors and told her to pick a color and draw what color her heart felt like right now.  We also made alot of use out of the faces of emotion, sad, happy, mad, excited, tired, etc.  And would have her point at them or when she was able to draw them.

I am sorry it is so hard to help a little one cope.  When it is hard to cope yourself.

weddedwife

Our DD was 2&1/2 at the time of our loss. Those first few weeks were very hard. It took about a month or so before I could pull it together enough to get her back into her routine, but once I did it helped a lot. Of course I would fall apart every night after she was in bed!

We also talked a lot about our feelings and did not sugar coat it, "Mommy's feeling sad because the baby died" or "Mommy's having a hard day because she misses the baby", etc. 

tuscanbride2007

I have to say that I am getting a lot of great advice from these responses. I have an almost 4 year old who has become extremely whiny since my pregnancy and loss of Annabelle. My husband pointed out to me (yesterday as a matter of fact) that she does it with me because I was so tired when I was pregnant that I would say no and then finally give in after the 100th "why?" I have found that when I am having a sad day, I do the same thing. I have allowed her to get away with things because I am still tired and because I still have some guilt about her not being able to have her baby sister. I guess I need to work on that.