Hiding AP from the Pediatrician?

breisinger

Yesterday was our one month check up for DS. He is gaining and thriving and an all around awesome baby with a great temperament. I hadn't consciously planned on AP, but realized after DS was born that I'm EBF, BW, and bedsharing... which I swore I would never do, lol I've just been doing what feels natural and it seems to be working. However, when the nurse asked me if DS sleeps in a crib or a bassinet, I told her he sleeps right in bed with us. I am aware that it is "frowned upon" by some, and it's not for every family, but there is a careful and correct way to do it, and a lot of people do. Nurses and pediatricians aren't uneducated or ignorant... and I was surprised at the negative reaction I got. Poor DH, he didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to lie?  Since becoming pregnant, I've come to expect everyone, including strangers, to share their opinions about what I shouldn't be doing. I don't expect everyone to agree with my parenting style, but I was surprised to get that reaction from a professional. Has anyone else run into this negativity at the Doctor? Should I be keeping secrets?

BLM10

No, you should NEVER keep information that could affect your child's health from your doctor. You need to find a doc who is on the same page as you.

nosoup4u

BLM10:

No, you should NEVER keep information that could affect your child's health from your doctor. You need to find a doc who is on the same page as you.

I pretty much agree with this. It's really not a doctor's concern if a baby is co-sleeping or not. If they are really rude to you after they know you're co-sleeping, I would switch, but if you're confident with your decisions, and they are still nice/polite/helpful even though they know you're doing it, and you like them otherwise, I'd keep going to them. 

My younger son's doctor gave me the "he'll never leave your bed!" spiel when he was younger, and I politely replied that his older brother moved into his own bed after co-sleeping just fine. She also really wanted us to give him Vitamin D drops, but I never did. Even though I disagree with her on some stuff, I still want her to be my son's doctor.

breisinger

I really like my pediatrician. I guess I'll just have to agree to disagree with him. I'm used to brushing off other people's comments and opinions, I just wasn't expecting to have that attitude toward the doctor.

danienross

I got a really negative reaction about breastfeeding past a year.  Our pedi started pushing weaning at the 9mos well check.  After the 15mos well check (the third appointment I'd been harassed about BFing) they went so far as to have a nurse leave me a voice mail after the appointment telling me I should wean immediately.  I knew we were done with the practice, switched, and never looked back.  I'd much rather be open and honest with a dr even if we agree to disagree then to keep secrets.  I love our new pediatrician.  She is actually willing to talk things out with me and we come up with a plan together.  I feel like we're a team and both have my child's best interest at heart.  With the old pedi I felt like they were just pushing their agenda and didn't care about my input.

skibunny59

nosoup4u:

BLM10:

No, you should NEVER keep information that could affect your child's health from your doctor. You need to find a doc who is on the same page as you.

I pretty much agree with this. It's really not a doctor's concern if a baby is co-sleeping or not. If they are really rude to you after they know you're co-sleeping, I would switch, but if you're confident with your decisions, and they are still nice/polite/helpful even though they know you're doing it, and you like them otherwise, I'd keep going to them. 

My younger son's doctor gave me the "he'll never leave your bed!" spiel when he was younger, and I politely replied that his older brother moved into his own bed after co-sleeping just fine. She also really wanted us to give him Vitamin D drops, but I never did. Even though I disagree with her on some stuff, I still want her to be my son's doctor.

I agree with all of this.  I don't expect my pedi and I to see eye to eye on every aspect of parenting but I do expect him to be respectful of my parenting choices. Luckily, my pedi doesn't ask a lot of questions.   She is very healthy and they have never asked where she sleeps or how often I feed her, etc.  If they did ask I would never lie though.  If it doesn't cause a medical issue with your child, it shouldn't be of any concern to them.

skibunny59

danienross:

I got a really negative reaction about breastfeeding past a year.  Our pedi started pushing weaning at the 9mos well check.  After the 15mos well check (the third appointment I'd been harassed about BFing) they went so far as to have a nurse leave me a voice mail after the appointment telling me I should wean immediately.  I knew we were done with the practice, switched, and never looked back.  I'd much rather be open and honest with a dr even if we agree to disagree then to keep secrets.  I love our new pediatrician.  She is actually willing to talk things out with me and we come up with a plan together.  I feel like we're a team and both have my child's best interest at heart.  With the old pedi I felt like they were just pushing their agenda and didn't care about my input.

Wow!  That is really inappropriate.  I'm glad you found someone who is more open minded. 

tokenhoser

It really depends on how much you like your pedi, how you deal with conflict, and how important the specific things you're being judged on are to you.

A doctor that frowns on extended breastfeeding can't be my doctor. A doctor that frowns on bedsharing.... well, that I can probably just not talk about. I don't have the same personal feelings about bedsharing as I do about breastfeeding.

There isn't a right or wrong answer. You can always say "Why do you ask?" if you want to not lie up front about things, then decide how to answer.

00jennifer00

I remember our pedi with my first asking how he was sleeping at 4mo.  I told him that he slept fine but roused to nurse.  He told me it was time to give him a bottle and put him to bed.  Um...yeah. 

I think if my pedi asked where the baby slept, I'd ask why they want to know.  Or say something like "in the house" if I was feeling particularly threatened by the tone.  This time around I'm interviewing carefully.  I'm not taking crap or attitudes from doctors anymore.

herlysgirly

00jennifer00:

I remember our pedi with my first asking how he was sleeping at 4mo.  I told him that he slept fine but roused to nurse.  He told me it was time to give him a bottle and put him to bed.  Um...yeah. 

I think if my pedi asked where the baby slept, I'd ask why they want to know.  Or say something like "in the house" if I was feeling particularly threatened by the tone.  This time around I'm interviewing carefully.  I'm not taking crap or attitudes from doctors anymore.

  Haha, this!  Keeping it in mind in case they ever ask where.  My Dr. always asked, "How is she sleeping?" never, "Where is she sleeping?"  So I was able to be honest - but never once had to lie.  "She sleeps great!" (I just left out the - as long as she's next to me and able to nurse)!  Oh wait, they did ask at her year checkup if she was out of her crib yet, and I just said yes.  If I wanted to be 100% honest, I could have told him that she had never even slept a single night in her crib.

In my opinion,  where my baby sleeps is none of his business, as I know I'm doing it safely, and it doesn't affect her health.  If something came up health-wise where I'd need to inform the Dr.'s that we bed-shared... then so be it.