WWYD?

Snow__White__Queen

Just curious as to what you guys would do in this situation. If you knew a couple that was getting high while watching their 6 mo old, would you do anything about it?

The couple is BF's teenage sister and her boyfriend whom happen to live with us. I don't want others telling me how I should raise my daughter, but this is where I would draw the line. The child is not abused or neglected, but I believe he deserves so much better from his parents. It doesn't help that their room looks like something off the show Hoarders from trash to dirty diapers to clothes covering the floor. 

judahsmommy1

If you have witnessed them getting high while they are responsible for watching their 6 mo old daughter then you need to report it. That is considered neglect in a lot of states. Yeah it sucks, but that little boy needs your help. Also, are drugs or paraphernalia within his reach? If their room is as messy as you suggest it is I'm wondering if they're leaving whatever they're getting high off of within his reach. I'd report ASAP.

Abinormal

This couple and their 6 month old are living with your boyfriend and yourself, correct?

Are they smoking around the baby or do they smoke away from the baby and then come back high?

Do they neglect the baby in other ways?

How often do you find yourself caring for the child?

Do they have jobs?

Basically, I need more information. 

CoffeeBeen

I agree with PP that the extent of your reaction depends on additional information.  Maybe it could be handled with a talk and follow-up, maybe it requires CPS, it depends.

But the bottom line is that the baby needs you as an advocate.  Don't ignore the situation. 

missmuffin87

Many people are perfectly capable of functioning and managing their responsibilities while using marijuana. 

That being said. These kids sound like lazy, dirty mofos. It's your house. You gotta be like hey stop getting high and clean your freaking room!  I'm also wondering if they have jobs or go to school. 

ATMmom324

MollusksWrangler:

If they live with you, I'd tell them to pick up the room and no drugs in the house unless they want to move out.

ETA Your house, your rules. I wouldn't put up with that sh!t for a second. 

 

This.  They aren't only putting themselves at risk but you as well. 

Snow__White__Queen

Abinormal:

This couple and their 6 month old are living with your boyfriend and yourself, correct?

Are they smoking around the baby or do they smoke away from the baby and then come back high?

Do they neglect the baby in other ways?

How often do you find yourself caring for the child?

Do they have jobs?

Basically, I need more information. 

Yes, we share the 3 bedroom apartment. Neither party can afford to live in this apartment on their own.

They smoke in the bathroom with the vent thing on while the child is unattended in the other room. (Usually in his swing and he seems content - not crying)

I haven't witnessed them doing anything else I consider "wrong".

I never care for him by myself, but I do keep my door open so I see this going on.

The dad has an excellent job while she stays home. She was attending summer school, but decided to quit going and just take another year beginning in the fall. (Blames the kid for not graduating high school)

For the person asking if the drugs were within reach of the baby, no. They keep it in the shelf in the bathroom where they smoke.

Our lease is up mid-February and I can assure you that BF, myself and our daughter will NOT be sharing an apartment with anyone else again. 

missmuffin87

Snow__White__Queen:

Abinormal:

This couple and their 6 month old are living with your boyfriend and yourself, correct?

Are they smoking around the baby or do they smoke away from the baby and then come back high?

Do they neglect the baby in other ways?

How often do you find yourself caring for the child?

Do they have jobs?

Basically, I need more information. 

Yes, we share the 3 bedroom apartment. Neither party can afford to live in this apartment on their own.

They smoke in the bathroom with the vent thing on while the child is unattended in the other room. (Usually in his swing and he seems content - not crying)

I haven't witnessed them doing anything else I consider "wrong".

I never care for him by myself, but I do keep my door open so I see this going on.

The dad has an excellent job while she stays home. She was attending summer school, but decided to quit going and just take another year beginning in the fall. (Blames the kid for not graduating high school)

For the person asking if the drugs were within reach of the baby, no. They keep it in the shelf in the bathroom where they smoke.

Our lease is up mid-February and I can assure you that BF, myself and our daughter will NOT be sharing an apartment with anyone else again. 

OK. this does not seem worthy of a CPS call. If anything the dirty diapers in their room is the worst thing going on. You certainly could have a talk with them and tell them you don't appreciate being around weed. Then suggest they buy a diaper genie and call it a day.  

stdldb29

They keep weed in your apartment bathroom? That would be a HUGE issue for me. Anything illegal can't be in my house...anyone else have this standard?

Swainb

stdldb29:

They keep weed in your apartment bathroom? That would be a HUGE issue for me. Anything illegal can't be in my house...anyone else have this standard?

Yeah I have no problem with people smoking weed, but not in my house.  

CoffeeBeen

stdldb29:

They keep weed in your apartment bathroom? That would be a HUGE issue for me. Anything illegal can't be in my house...anyone else have this standard?

I'm that way, too.  Though, I'm guessing that I'm a bigger prude than most people on this board.

Do they really need to get high that badly?  Would it kill them to just, say, not get high while they're watching their baby? 

stdldb29

Swainb:

stdldb29:

They keep weed in your apartment bathroom? That would be a HUGE issue for me. Anything illegal can't be in my house...anyone else have this standard?

Yeah I have no problem with people smoking weed, but not in my house.  

Completely how I feel.  

Snow__White__Queen

rachelrm87:

OK. this does not seem worthy of a CPS call. If anything the dirty diapers in their room is the worst thing going on. You certainly could have a talk with them and tell them you don't appreciate being around weed. Then suggest they buy a diaper genie and call it a day.  

Ok thank you. I really didn't want to call CPS especially since it is family - more or less. It would cause so much extra tension with our families that I'd like to avoid, but I still think its unacceptable. I'm not very fond of them anyway, so I don't want it to look like I'm searching for conflict. I have a feeling I know how the conversation will go however. I am not working at the moment since I'm so close to being due and they will definitely bring it up that they (he) pays half the bills so they can do what they want. Immature thinking? Yes, but I don't hold much authority in this household.  

Wufroggy79

I'd try some serious talks, and then, if needed, you may need to give CPS a call.

Snow__White__Queen

Stardust225:

Yeah I thought this was a pretty standard rule. Do you have kids OP?

Did you know in a lot of states where pot is illegal, they can take all the kids out of the home?

Only the one on the way.

This is why I hate living here. We are tied down by this lease so I really don't know what to do. I can't exactly pick up my things and move right now despite how much I'd love to.

I don't have a problem with people smoking, just not around me or my family and especially not in my home. There are much more serious drugs that they could be taking, but its still illegal.  

MrsMommyQ

Swainb:

stdldb29:

They keep weed in your apartment bathroom? That would be a HUGE issue for me. Anything illegal can't be in my house...anyone else have this standard?

Yeah I have no problem with people smoking weed, but not in my house.  

 

CoffeeBeen

Snow__White__Queen:

Stardust225:

Yeah I thought this was a pretty standard rule. Do you have kids OP?

Did you know in a lot of states where pot is illegal, they can take all the kids out of the home?

Only the one on the way.

This is why I hate living here. We are tied down by this lease so I really don't know what to do. I can't exactly pick up my things and move right now despite how much I'd love to.

I don't have a problem with people smoking, just not around me or my family and especially not in my home. There are much more serious drugs that they could be taking, but its still illegal.  

So what are you going to do when you have a baby in the next few weeks?  It sounds like you'll be living together until your baby is 6 months old.  Perhaps you should address it now so that you don't have to deal with it while adjusting to motherhood.

I know I said I'm a prude, so take this with a grain of salt: but I wouldn't take CPS off the radar if things continue this way.  Their lifestyle is not baby friendly.  And as the baby gets older, more mobile, and more energetic it will need closer supervision.  I would hate to see the baby hurt itself just because the parents weren't watching it.

stdldb29

So, you and your boyfriend pay half the rent and those two pay the other half? I guess much really can't be done in that situation

Snow__White__Queen

Stardust225:

Posts like these kind of give me a headache. Usually OP knows what they need to do. Like the stolen surfboard post in 12-24. Drove me nuts. She kept coming up with excuses to not do what she thought she should. 

And responses like this are SO helpful. 

Snow__White__Queen

CoffeeBeen:

So what are you going to do when you have a baby in the next few weeks?  It sounds like you'll be living together until your baby is 6 months old.  Perhaps you should address it now so that you don't have to deal with it while adjusting to motherhood.

I know I said I'm a prude, so take this with a grain of salt: but I wouldn't take CPS off the radar if things continue this way.  Their lifestyle is not baby friendly.  And as the baby gets older, more mobile, and more energetic it will need closer supervision.  I would hate to see the baby hurt itself just because the parents weren't watching it.

I will definitely talk to them. I posted this forum to see how serious you ladies thought it was and if it did warrant a call to CPS. We plan on moving when the lease is up, but I feel like my hands might be tied until then. I really appreciate everyone's input. Thank you. 

Venus04d

rachelrm87:

Snow__White__Queen:

Abinormal:

This couple and their 6 month old are living with your boyfriend and yourself, correct?

Are they smoking around the baby or do they smoke away from the baby and then come back high?

Do they neglect the baby in other ways?

How often do you find yourself caring for the child?

Do they have jobs?

Basically, I need more information. 

Yes, we share the 3 bedroom apartment. Neither party can afford to live in this apartment on their own.

They smoke in the bathroom with the vent thing on while the child is unattended in the other room. (Usually in his swing and he seems content - not crying)

I haven't witnessed them doing anything else I consider "wrong".

I never care for him by myself, but I do keep my door open so I see this going on.

The dad has an excellent job while she stays home. She was attending summer school, but decided to quit going and just take another year beginning in the fall. (Blames the kid for not graduating high school)

For the person asking if the drugs were within reach of the baby, no. They keep it in the shelf in the bathroom where they smoke.

Our lease is up mid-February and I can assure you that BF, myself and our daughter will NOT be sharing an apartment with anyone else again. 

OK. this does not seem worthy of a CPS call. If anything the dirty diapers in their room is the worst thing going on. You certainly could have a talk with them and tell them you don't appreciate being around weed. Then suggest they buy a diaper genie and call it a day.  

I don't think it warrants a CPS call either. I think it would be perfectly reasonable for you to express your feelings on them doing something illegal in a home you share, but unless they're actually mistreating the child, I think involving the authorities is rash.

Also, I don't see a problem with leaving a baby in their swing without you in the room for a few minutes. That's the only way I ever got anything done in the early days with DD. Obviously, I was within ear shot, she was fastened in, and I peeked in frequently.

[Deleted User]

Swainb:

stdldb29:

They keep weed in your apartment bathroom? That would be a HUGE issue for me. Anything illegal can't be in my house...anyone else have this standard?

Yeah I have no problem with people smoking weed, but not in my house.  

This.  It is an illegal substance, and you could get in trouble for having it in your home.  I'd talk to them  about it, if you haven't already.  A re-evaluation of a roommate situation is normal, since you do have to live together. 

There are a ton of people that smoke up & do so safely.  However, leaving your kid in a swing at 6 months to smoke up isn't responsible.  At this point, the kid could climb out of the swing, or will be able to do it soon.  

You just need to agree to terms that everyone is comfortable with.  If you are OK with pot in the house, that's fine.  NMS, but I don't live there.  You do need to make sure that they secure a safe environment for their child, as well as yours.   GL!

CoffeeBeen

Snow__White__Queen:

I will definitely talk to them. I posted this forum to see how serious you ladies thought it was and if it did warrant a call to CPS. We plan on moving when the lease is up, but I feel like my hands might be tied until then. I really appreciate everyone's input. Thank you. 

I encourage you to keep an eye on the situation even after you move out.  I know that once it's not under your roof it's not your responsibility, but it kills me that kids are raised in that kind of environment.  You could be that little boy's hero.

penguingrrl

While I think they do sound irresponsible and immature, I don't think what they're doing is CPS-worthy. I would set down a ground rule that you won't have pot smoked in your home with a newborn on the way. Leave their kid and their choices out of it, just let them know that you don't want your baby exposed to any smoke at all (cigarette, marijuana, etc). If they won't listen to you have your partner talk to them about it.

I have no problem with people smoking pot, but I wouldn't want illegal drugs in my home and I most certainly wouldn't want anything smoked inside my home. No matter how well they think they're ventilating there is residual smoke in that apartment that could hurt the babies. I would take it from that angle and even let them think you're an overbearing overprotective helicopter mom with your kid over it.

mammcg88

penguingrrl:

While I think they do sound irresponsible and immature, I don't think what they're doing is CPS-worthy. I would set down a ground rule that you won't have pot smoked in your home with a newborn on the way. Leave their kid and their choices out of it, just let them know that you don't want your baby exposed to any smoke at all (cigarette, marijuana, etc). If they won't listen to you have your partner talk to them about it.

I have no problem with people smoking pot, but I wouldn't want illegal drugs in my home and I most certainly wouldn't want anything smoked inside my home. No matter how well they think they're ventilating there is residual smoke in that apartment that could hurt the babies. I would take it from that angle and even let them think you're an overbearing overprotective helicopter mom with your kid over it.

This is good advice and I agree with the PP that said having the dirty diapers lying around would be a bigger issue. It sounds like it's just a general lifestyle approach that most aren't comfortable with but really isn't causing enough damage to bring a third party into. 

Personally, I'd do whatever it took to remove my family from the situation-within reason. I'd also be sure to keep in touch for their child's sake. People can go from bad'ish parents to completely neglectful very quickly. 

BabyShipp

MollusksWrangler:

If they live with you, I'd tell them to pick up the room and no drugs in the house unless they want to move out.

ETA Your house, your rules. I wouldn't put up with that sh!t for a second. 

 

yup!   

judahsmommy1

Snow__White__Queen:

Stardust225:

Yeah I thought this was a pretty standard rule. Do you have kids OP?

Did you know in a lot of states where pot is illegal, they can take all the kids out of the home?

Only the one on the way.

This is why I hate living here. We are tied down by this lease so I really don't know what to do. I can't exactly pick up my things and move right now despite how much I'd love to.

I don't have a problem with people smoking, just not around me or my family and especially not in my home. There are much more serious drugs that they could be taking, but its still illegal.  

If talking to this couple doesn't work, talk to your landlord. They very well may want to evict this particular couple and may let you out of your lease. You are dealing with someone doing something illegal in your home that puts you at risk. The only problem is that there might be some guilt by association. If there's a place you and your hubby can go temporarily so you are no longer in the living space when you talk to your landlord that might be best. Once you're temporarily out, call your landlord and say something along the lines of, "We have needed to temporarily leave the home because we discovered that our co-leasers are smoking marijuana in the home. We just aren't comfortable living where there is illegal activity happening and when we've talked to them, they've refused to stop." Take the conversation from there. Be honest about your inability to afford the place without roommates. That's how I would approach the situation, but if you can afford to, consulting with a lawyer may not be a terrible idea.  

p1nklemonade

i would absolutely report it.

KTKaz

So I think calling CPS is super extreme in this case. I really feel that they should only be called in for actual cases of neglect/abuse. Tell their lazy asses to take that shits outside or something or go for a drive, just ask them to keep it out of the house and away from the babies. Its really not a bug deal, it's only pot. Now if they were cooking meth I could understand the CPS threats. 

 Also stardust I think you suck. 

kllrbnny

MollusksWrangler:

If they live with you, I'd tell them to pick up the room and no drugs in the house unless they want to move out.

ETA Your house, your rules. I wouldn't put up with that sh!t for a second. 

This x 10. That they are teens is irrelevant.

LuckyDad

kllrbnny:

MollusksWrangler:

If they live with you, I'd tell them to pick up the room and no drugs in the house unless they want to move out.

ETA Your house, your rules. I wouldn't put up with that sh!t for a second. 

This x 10. That they are teens is irrelevant.

From my read of things, they are paying half the rent, therefore they are roommates. This is not a "your house, your rules" situation, it's a roommate situation, and should be handled as such. So if there is a smell of dirty diapers, yeah, you can say something; it's reasonable not to want a diaper smell in your shared apartment. If you're not comfortable with weed in your apartment, you can have a conversation about trying to find a compromise (I keep forgetting it's still considered "illegal" in most of the country. Thank god I live in a sane state with medical marijuana).

 The idea of calling CPS horrifies me. It would be a waste of CPS's resources and a nightmare for all involved. It doesn't sound like these are bad parents at all. If this is every night they should cut back, it's basically the equivalent of drinking two glasses of wine, depending how baked they get. It would be nice if one of them would always be in a state capable of driving to the hospital if there was an emergency though.

FezzesAreCool

This ribbon is confusing.

I probably shouldn't have eaten that magical brownie during naptime.

Oops. 

LnR70707

stdldb29:

They keep weed in your apartment bathroom? That would be a HUGE issue for me. Anything illegal can't be in my house...anyone else have this standard?

THIS...I'd call CPS on them in a heartbeat if they didn't get that crap out of there ASAP.   Be prepared for eviction though, as I'm pretty sure an official report of illegal drugs on the premises will get you kicked out. 

ETA:  Is the mother still breastfeeding?  because if she is, then she is harming her kid.