so disappointed. what to do? (long)

celestefelice

My boyfriend and I had a plan to go to the a/s appointment at 1pm tomorrow, spend the rest of the afternoon shopping for baby, and then have dinner with both sets of parents to share the news. Well today he found out that he has an important work thing that is going to interfere with the a/s tomorrow. I completely understand why he cannot miss the work thing; he is in construction management and on a tight deadline for finishing this project. What I am most disappointed about, though, is that he doesn't seem disappointed one bit. He is saying that although he would like to be there, he doesn't see the difference in me just calling or texting him right after. In his opinion, either way he is going to know, so why does it matter that he won't know at the same moment I do. After a very long and big fight of him making me feel like an idiot because I want us finding out to be special, I just decided to give up, get off the phone, and leave it at "fine, I will call you right after."

Now as much as I wish we were sticking to our original plan of going together, it is just not going to happen. But I am so heartbroken (maybe unreasonably in some people's opinions) thinking I just have to call and tell him over the phone while he's working. As upset with him as I am, I do not want to let his attitude make this any less special or exciting. He is not looking for a "solution," but I feel like I should find one to help us still share in the moment. My initial thoughts are either having the doctor write it down and opening that together, or I could find out at the appointment, then buy him something to show him. 

Does anyone have any words of wisdom (criticism or advice) or solutions on how to keep it special for us together? 

MinaE01

Aww, that really stinks. I'm sorry! I also understand why you're upset that he's not more disappointed. I would feel the same way you do.

I do like your idea of writing it down, putting it in an envelope and opening it together. Then you still get to find out at the same time. I'm sure other bumpies will have better ideas, but that's my 2 cents.

Good luck tomorrow!

orinjuse

Don't feel sad. Though he won't be there in person, it won't the moment any less special for you. I think you should still find out, then go shopping and buy either a boy's or girl's outfit. Have it wrapped and surprise him with that. I think it will be really fun for you both.

Although it is disappointing that your loved one can't be there, I don't think it should ruin what will be an amazing day. 

jquirke9881

Last year DH and I found out together at night by opening the envelope.  It wasn't any less special. 

Litgirl77

That is so disappointing! Not a fun situation at all. 

If I were you, I'd have them write it down so you can find out together later. We did something where we had the tech put it on a card in an envelope and when we went shopping, we picked out a boy and girl outfit. The store looked at the card and wrapped the correct one up and we opened it later. We'll also be rewrapping it and giving the outfit to my mom and MIL so they can find out in a special way too.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do. But definitely make it special for both of you. Even when guys don't seem like they are excited/disappointed to us, sometimes I think they just process things differently or are able to compartmentalize their feelings more. My DH never displays as much emotion in these moments as I'd like him to, but he does get excited in his own way and in his own time. Hopefully your boyfriend will do the same.

lawjjg522

I dont think you're being ridiculous.  I mean, Finding out together is so special and exciting, but lets flip the coin.  WORST CASE, what if something is wrong?  Either way, You need the support!

 

I think that having the u/s tech put it in an envelope is a good idea.  You can open it right before dinner with your folks, Or open it at dinner  and everybody find out together.  

 

MrsSmithinOR

I would be ridiculously upset about that.  I would probably try to reschedule the a/s.  If that was impossible, I think the envelope idea is a good one.

Rei Dunn

How you "should" or "shouldn't" feel is silly- you feel how you feel and that's that! It sounds like you're trying to work it out and being very understanding, and that's just as important as acknowledging and accepting this as a major disappointment. What a super cute day-plan you guys had together. I wish I had thought to do something like that!

The envelope idea is very, very cute. Maybe you could meet at home before dinner with the parents and have some sparkling cider and have an unveiling session together so you can share the moment like that. 

MrsBigTime

Our A/S was scheduled for Monday, but the clinic messed up our appointment time and scheduled it for the same time as my DH's post-op appointment with his doctor. I was absolutely upset! 

When I called my DH to tell him, he too was a bit apathetic and I was even more upset at his seemingly lack of caring. I decided whatever he thought or not, I was not going to miss him being at the appointment and I rescheduled for today. When I spoke with him again, he was indeed thankful and happy that he would be able to go. I think he tried to balance my emotion with a lack thereof, but in the end, we're both happy we were able to experience it together.

That being said, if you can't reschedule so both of you can make it, I'd do as PP have said and write the sex in an envelope and open it at a later time together. Maybe even at dinner with both of your parents, give the waitress the card and ask her to bring a red/pink or blue dessert so it's a surprise for everyone. 

DemonSeedling90

When the doctor is telling you, why don't you try to video tape it on your cell phone? then you can send it to your husband instead of just a phone call ^__^ That way he can get it right from the doctor and hear just what you hear. 

LittleFish1

My guy had/has the same attitude/perspective, in his words ... seeing the ultrasound images on the screen are just fuzzy images & it is difficult to follow where the technician/dr is referring.    In terms of finding out gender, it will be a boy or a girl, won't change between now and birth because the decision was already made. He says to think of it like Christmas morning, you have a wrapped gift, but you already know whats in it.  You may not know what color it is, but you know it's there. 

 

Here's an analogy for what his experience in a female perspective...

first, pretend like you've got little to no experience looking at blue prints.....your SO is so excited about his latest project at work & wants to show off the progress.  He opens up the tube of blue prints, there's a stack of 55 separate pages.  He puts them up on the wall, has you sit across the room facing them.  As he slowly flips through them page by page, he tells you there are specific details about the plumbing system, how & where the electrical lines are being run and the direction the electricity will flow through the main breaker.  He has pages filled with details on the HVAC system for you to glance at and has you wait while he calls and finds out if the pre-existing sewer line is copper or iron.

....I had the same thought about the envelope reveal when I thought I might find out at an appointment he was unable to attend.  My guy had the same response as your SO -not interested in the envelope idea one bit.  He will just get the same or more out of the experience by watching/hearing you retell it to him.  By the way, babies can be uncooperative. After the intense emotions today & where things stand between the two of you, how would you & he feel if they're not able to identify the gender at the appointment?

tinktink20

It is what it is.  He can't be there.  Either have the doctor write it down for you so you can find out later together, or you can call your husband after and go shopping by yourself.  I'd do the latter, just because I HATE not being able to go shopping when I have the plan to.

celestefelice

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and comfort!! Luckily there is still a possibility that his job site inspection will be this morning, and he will be able to make it to the appointment. However, he is really at their mercy and won't know until the very last minute. But he was very open to having the doctor write it down so we could still find out together.

And all of you were so right about this not being any less special. I had taken the day off from work, but I woke up earlier than usual and ready for today! I'm not even worried about what may or may not happen with his schedule, because at the end of today, we will know if we are having little girl or little boy!! 

mconklin84

Aww sorry, that stinks :-(. If my husband couldn't go with me for work or some reason I would have the tech right it down and open it later when we were both together. I love that Idea! I'd go with that one if I were you. If you want more fun ideas to announce the sex, my friend baked a cake to tell her friends and family, the cake was either blue or pink inside and she got everyone together to reveal the cake cut. It was so exciting to see the cake was pink, we all cheered and some cried, it was so special. Im thinking of doing pink or blue cupcakes for our parents since its hard to get them all together at once. I can't wait, we will find out in a couple of weeks! Good luck!

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WaitingOnTwoPinkLines

LittleFish1:

 After the intense emotions today & where things stand between the two of you, how would you & he feel if they're not able to identify the gender at the appointment?

They aren't determining the baby's gender, they are determining the baby's sex. Please learn the difference.

(Sex is between the legs, gender is between the ears) 

ckkgb2001

I know it's hard but honestly...I think it's a guy thing.  My DH honestly does not care if we have a boy or girl.  He wants a healthy baby.  He cannot come to any of my appointments due to him being a Postal Carrier.  Yes, sometimes I wish he was over the moon about an appointment but his main concern is my health and the baby's health and I can appreciate that.  That being said...I love your idea of making it special with him!  Maybe having ultrasound tech seal the gender in an envelope.  One lady wanted to surprise her hubby so she bought a girl outfit and a boy out fit.  She placed them in a big paper bag.  She then had the tech place the reveal photo and appropriate outfit in a sealed bag.  They opened it together at night.  GL!!!