Blended Families

Bm engaged

Not sure how we feel about this. Her fiance is a felon who spend 10 years in prison for credit card/check fraud. They've dated for 3 months and have lived together for 2 out of those 3.  Guess we will just spend the rest of the kids lives worried about the effects her poor decisions will have on them. Selfishness is just so ugly.

Very sad. I hope and pray he's a better man now. oy

Re: Bm engaged

  • WahooWahoo member

    Make sure you have a lock on SKs social security #, and check their credit reports often.  There's nothing wrong with "trust, but verify."

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • imageWahoo:

    Make sure you have a lock on SKs social security #, and check their credit reports often.  There's nothing wrong with "trust, but verify."

    ^^  This. 

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • Loading the player...
  • I would agree with being cautious and I don't know anything about how BM normally acts or makes decisions... However, recently I married a childhood sweetheart after dating for 1 month (short courtship but long story. lol)

    My ex (kids BD) is now in an outrage and trying to take my custody via the courts because "he is scared for the kids since he and them don't know DH at all" and claims I only knew him for 30 days before getting married. I DO understand his concern, BUT our past is different, we have co-parented civily for years, coming to each other with concerns etc and working them out. He didn't even try to come to me about my DH or his worries. I also do not have a history of even living with guys or having bad guys around my kids, my ex has never complained about my choice in partners (other than sarcastic ex comments like "dude seems like a ding bat" or whattever, then laughed. But never kept the kids from me out of worry for my judgement) He has generally always trusted my judgement and decisions until now. Which, like I said, I understand his concern just not his actions on it... and I am always more than happy to explain the "short courtship, long story"... which I guess I'll probably have to do tomorrow at mediation... sigh.

    All-in-all I would take everything into consideration, her past decisions, how her judgement is on a normal basis, and yes- continue to be cautious, no matter how civil or peaceful the situation, looking out for YOUR family and kids always comes first and protecting you guys, being safe, and thinking ahead should never be considered wrong or "over the top".

    :-) 

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • It sucks that she has made such a rash decision, since she has children to think about. I hope nothing bad comes of this. Our BM's must be friends, our BM married and moved in with a man she had met 2 months prior. They had a horrible 2 1/2 yrs of marriage and they just got divorced this past march. He was. Really bad influence on my SS and it was a really difficult almost 3 yrs. I hope you don't have to go through anything like we did. All you can do is sit and wait it out. He may be reformed and seen the err of his ways... Or... 
    Visit my <a href"http://www.etsy.com/shop/ThisIsTheStuffs">Etsy</a> shop!


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic


    image

    MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter


    "Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
  • Dated for one month and got married????? And their father should not be worried? WTF is going on with people today. I swear my BS meter has reached its breaking point. 

     

    OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. Hopefully he has changed, but agree be cautious. Also hope for a realllllly long engagement.  

  • imagetifanico:
    imagexmaryrickx:

    Dated for one month and got married????? And their father should not be worried? WTF is going on with people today. I swear my BS meter has reached its breaking point. 

     

    OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. Hopefully he has changed, but agree be cautious. Also hope for a realllllly long engagement.  

    Lol

    And I love it how she focuses on the fact that BF is trying to take her children from her and not on the fact that she is getting married after only dating the guy for a freaking month!!

    I like this board because it makes me feel good about myself! 

    I like this board bc I get to see pics of your ridiculously adorable daughter! I can't believe she is so big!!! I remember when you first posted here when you were pregnant with her. My how the time flies!!!
  • so many eyeroll worthy comments in this thread right now.  I really don't get why people rush into marriage.  as if a peice of paper will magically make everything okay?? Confused
                           
                         View Full Size Image  View Full Size Image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageholly71087:
    so many eyeroll worthy comments in this thread right now.  I really don't get why people rush into marriage.  as if a peice of paper will magically make everything okay?? Confused
    I agree. I waited 4 years with dh and our issues are many..
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagetifanico:
    imagexmaryrickx:
    imagetifanico:
    imagexmaryrickx:

    Dated for one month and got married????? And their father should not be worried? WTF is going on with people today. I swear my BS meter has reached its breaking point. 

     

    OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. Hopefully he has changed, but agree be cautious. Also hope for a realllllly long engagement.  

    Lol

    And I love it how she focuses on the fact that BF is trying to take her children from her and not on the fact that she is getting married after only dating the guy for a freaking month!!

    I like this board because it makes me feel good about myself! 

    I like this board bc I get to see pics of your ridiculously adorable daughter! I can't believe she is so big!!! I remember when you first posted here when you were pregnant with her. My how the time flies!!!

    Lol thanks!! Time does fly, I also remember when I started posting here. I was in a freaking mess back then.  

    You know what, I thought my year long courtship/engagement was short....

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • My husband proposed to me after about 18 months of dating and we were married 9 months after that. And people thought WE were rushing it! 
    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • Marie- I understand why you are cautious about the BM's FI because of the felony but if it wasn't for that would you still be cautious? If the kids like the guy why is it going to have a bad effect on them? Ok so if they get divorced down the road they will feel cheated maybe. But if there is no actual problems at bm's home except that maybe she is happy why worry. I agree with PP to keep an eye on credit reports but other than that I wouldn't worry till something actually happens to make you worry. Unless there is a backstory that I am missing.

    Did everyone completely miss the part of doadances reply that said she has known this guy since they were kids? It's not like she just met him 30 days before they married. And even if they did so what? I happen to know some couples in their 70s-80s that got married after only a couple weeks or months and are still married to this day. What does the length of time you have known the person matter? Has everyone forgotten that love at first sight does actually happen for some people? Ok so maybe things didn't work out when it first happened for doadance but they were able to find their way back to each other and didn't want to wait! And why should they?

                           SD(13) DS(10) DS(4) DS(3)
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers



  • imagemichelle04us:

    Marie- I understand why you are cautious about the BM's FI because of the felony but if it wasn't for that would you still be cautious? If the kids like the guy why is it going to have a bad effect on them? Ok so if they get divorced down the road they will feel cheated maybe. But if there is no actual problems at bm's home except that maybe she is happy why worry. I agree with PP to keep an eye on credit reports but other than that I wouldn't worry till something actually happens to make you worry. Unless there is a backstory that I am missing.

    Did everyone completely miss the part of doadances reply that said she has known this guy since they were kids? It's not like she just met him 30 days before they married. And even if they did so what? I happen to know some couples in their 70s-80s that got married after only a couple weeks or months and are still married to this day. What does the length of time you have known the person matter? Has everyone forgotten that love at first sight does actually happen for some people? Ok so maybe things didn't work out when it first happened for doadance but they were able to find their way back to each other and didn't want to wait! And why should they?

    I do not care if they have known each other since they were in diapers. Being in a commited partnership is NOT the same as being friends. And those first few months when you feel like you are on cloud nine, yeah not really telling of what it will be like in a year or two. Those feelings, that make you over look annoying habits, or make you turn a blind eye to questionable behavior fade after a while. The rose colored glasses come off and you are left with the real dynamic of the relationship. Everyone is on their best behavior those first few months-then *** gets real. Not to mention she has children who were given a whole thirty days to get used to mommy having a new man in her life. Again, even if the kids knew him their relationship with him is now different as well. 

    As for people who for who have been married 70 years after a quickly marriage-sure it can work. But I bet they didn't go into the relationship with a couple of kids and the complexity of crap that comes with being a blended family. They also come from a generation that is fairly staunchly opposed to divorce, which just isn't the case anymore. There are people who have had long marriage after knowing each other for a day. Or they had an arranged marriage, and didnt know each other at all. Doesn't mean it's healthy, especially not when there are children involved. 

  •  When you have kids its no longer just about you. She now has two other people to think about especially when making huge life decisions. You cant just do what feels right/good at them moment, i think the future and how this will affect her kids should come into play, call me crazy i guess. The kids do like him but they honestly like everyone. He's been out of prison for four months and already got sent back to a half way house for violating parole. I just dont know what, if any,  kind of morales he has which is scary. Bm is adding another kind of disfunction into the kids lives which sucks.

    On the positive this means no longer will random men come in and out of the kids lives and for my selfish reasons i like the fact that she has something else to focus on other then us. Like i said we have mixed feelings about this whole thing. I do genuinely hope that this man is a better man and that they have a healthy relationship for the kids sake. Time will tell!

    Thanks for your responses and advice!

  • imagemichelle04us:

    Marie- I understand why you are cautious about the BM's FI because of the felony but if it wasn't for that would you still be cautious? If the kids like the guy why is it going to have a bad effect on them? Ok so if they get divorced down the road they will feel cheated maybe. But if there is no actual problems at bm's home except that maybe she is happy why worry. I agree with PP to keep an eye on credit reports but other than that I wouldn't worry till something actually happens to make you worry. Unless there is a backstory that I am missing.

    Did everyone completely miss the part of doadances reply that said she has known this guy since they were kids? It's not like she just met him 30 days before they married. And even if they did so what? I happen to know some couples in their 70s-80s that got married after only a couple weeks or months and are still married to this day. What does the length of time you have known the person matter? Has everyone forgotten that love at first sight does actually happen for some people? Ok so maybe things didn't work out when it first happened for doadance but they were able to find their way back to each other and didn't want to wait! And why should they?

     

    Thanks Michelle, I don't expect people to understand or agree with our decision, and I wasn't upset or baffled at BD being mad, but just like others on here, there's a lot more to the story. Also, our marriage has a lot to do with our religious beliefs and we in no way take our vows lightly nor do we think we won't have any problems like normal marriages. We just believe differently than most people and we understand when people have opposition to those beliefs. Basically we are very devout Christians and believe that with prayer and God at the center, we can get through anything, just like we always have.

    The reason I was baffled at my ex's response was because we've always managed to talk before taking things to court, and have never been to court against each other in 6 years. Also, he did the same thing, except they didn't get married, she just moved in. So like I said, there is more to the story, which was exactly my point to the OP, be cautious be be open and hopeful for the best. Maybe it will turn out to be a good thing. 

    Pregnancy Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"