s/o of What Not to Say to An Adoptive Parent...

Jermysgirl

O. M. G. you wouldn't believe the jacked up conversation I had at the grocery store. This woman stopped me to tell me how gorgeous my children are (which was the best part of the whole conversation) and then she started asking questions about adoption. Some highlights included:

Why didn't you adopt white babies?

Do you ever want any of your own?  ()

Are they crack babies? (this is the second time in four years that I've been asked this question)

Are their moms really young? (No, I'm not, actually.)

And my personal favorite, Do you regret adopting them? Which was met with total WTF face.  

Sigh.

Thankfully, DD took advantage of the conversation to run around like a drunken sailor on shore leave, so she didn't hear any of it.  

Twirple

Wow, just...wow.  I think this is one of those circumstances where I would just excuse myself and then come up with all kinds of snarky replies on the way home.  That really does read like a manual on what not to say.

baze2

WOW...

I guess we should come up with answers to these questions now..so that I have no regrets when we are faced with it after we adopt...

I am so sorry you had to deal with this.

lizlemmon19

Wow.  Just wow.  It is sad there is still so much ignorance out there.  I am trying to adopt from foster care.  I get "But don't you want your own?" And "What if you get a crack baby" all the time! What is wrong with people.

jackieo1309

Wow. I don't understand how people get so far in life with NO common sense whatsoever. Glad your DD wasn't around to hear the conversation!

Foster1Mom

People are asshats. No way around it.

so1966

pure insensitivity and ignorance. so sorry you had to endure that. i'm sure i would have responded to her.  i just couldn't hold back:)

DaisyZH

That is absolutely horrible.  I'm so sorry that you had to hear any of that.

jenjen930

While the other items are completely rude, I have heard most of them before.  But asking if you regret adopting?  What would ever make someone ask something like that?  You should've asked her if she regretted giving birth.  Ugh.

noonecarewhoiam

With my kids being older (4 and 7) I admit that I get really pissed when people pull this crap in front of them. I don't think they have ANY IDEA what these questions can sound like to an adopted child.

But then again, I'm also really sensitive to my older son's need for privacy, as he's VERY introverted, so I tend not to answer questions if he doesn't feel comfortable.

MommaT357

What exactly do you say to get out of answering questions?  I want to be nice, but think it's going to be hard to bite my tongue when stuff like this comes up!

Jermysgirl

I just try really hard to educate politely, using positive adoption language. I want to show my children that adoption is something of which to be proud, but I also don't answer super-personal stuff because it's my kid's story to tell if they want to.

cogbot

Kindly educating people is awesome, but kicking them would feel so much better  

I'm impressed that you kept your cool.   

slndr042305

Foster1Mom:

People are asshats. No way around it.

This exactly! Unbelievable the ignorant things people say! 

jwpbride

cogbot:

Kindly educating people is awesome, but kicking them would feel so much better  

I'm impressed that you kept your cool.   

this! In one of our online courses we had to take (Conspicuous Families on AdoptionLearningPartners.com) it talked about the three ways to respond to invasive questions (using the first as an example):

a. educate  ("We were not race specific, we didn't want to put limits on which children we would love.")

b. cut it off ("That's incredibly rude to ask and not something I discuss with strangers.")

c. use humor ("WHAT?! My kids aren't white?!")

 I have a feeling I'll be using option C a LOT.