September 2012 Moms

2+ Moms... Do your parents have a favorite?

MIL has still yet to aknowledge that she will have a second granddaughter. With DD1 she was ecstatic but she still has not even spoken this baby's name in conversation. She is also someone who shows her love by buying things and she has not bought one outfit or blanket or anything for DD2. She bought EVERYTHING you can imagine for DD1 so it is just a huge difference. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying she has to buy things to love our children its just the way she normally is.

We have brought up in conversation how we are excited for DD2 to be here soon and all she will say is "you guys are going to have your hands full" or "the first year is going to be terrible". It is making me really sad and I'm not sure what to do about it. Hopefully she will change when DD gets here but for now its really stressing me out :(

We are wondering if its because she thinks we are crazy for having 2 so close together or if she is worried we are going to ask her to babysit both of them but she has no reason to worry about this. She lives 3.5 hours from us... its not like we are going to pop in with both girls and leave them with her unnanounced...

Did any of you experience anything like this? Sorry so long :-/

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Re: 2+ Moms... Do your parents have a favorite?

  • My mom was pretty shocked when we told her about this pregnancy (so were we, honestly, so I kind of got it). I think she is more worried than I am about having two and sharing the love, but she is now starting to come around and talk about it a lot more. 

    I just feel like she has a lot of the same feeligns I do a s a mom -- DD is my baby, is she ready to be a big sister, how will I divide my time, etc.  My mom is also very involved with DD and we all think DD will have more trouble sharing my parents than sharing MH and me.

    Have you flat-out asked her about her lack of excitement?  I brought it up by joking with my mom -- "Hey, you seem more worried about two than I do!"  And we were able to talk about it a little.  

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  • My mom is closer with my oldest son then the rest of her grandkids, but definetly doesn`t pick favorites.  He is nana`s boy through and through.  We lived with them when he was born, so they bonded, and have a special relationship. My younger guy and my nephews know how much their nana loves them, and they all love her!!
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  • I could have written this EXACT post. In fact, just the other day I made a dentist appointment and asked my mom if she'll be able to handle 2 for when I go. She told me that she won't have to...she'll keep DS1 and my MIL can have DS2. I was shocked and told everyone in my family. They kind of laughed it off but it's starting to be not funny to me.

    But then we talked more about it and she was like "We'll all be fine for your dentist appointment" so I know she'll be ok. But she is worried, just like the other grandmoms mentioned above. I think there is definitely something to be said about the first grandchild...I was the first and I have a special bond none of my siblings or cousins have. It's beautiful but I'm sure the others in my family still feel loved by our grandparents (I think, I hope). 

  • I think my mom and daughter will always have a closer bond then my mom and this one. But a lot of that had to do with the fact that for a year when I was in Iraq my daughter lived with my mom. They have an awesome bond 
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  • DD is the only grandchild on either side right now. I would say there's less excitement all around for #2 (even from DH and I) just because we have DD to occupy our time, so we don't have the luxury of whist fully wondering what a new baby will be like. Case in point: DD got a perfectly decorated nursery. #2 is not. I know now that they are pointless and expensive. He'll be lucky if I vacuum up the dead cockroach in the corner of his room. 

    But I imagine that once he's here, everyone in our families will be ebamores with him as much as DD. right now, he's just an "idea", whereas she is "here".

    And my MIL has no room to talk about the close in age thing...DH and his sister just missed the cutoff for being Irish twins. If anything, no sympathy from her about juggling two babies close in age. 

    BFP #1 via IUI ~ L (Fatal Birth Defect) 4/7/10
    BFP #2 via IUI ~ m/c
    BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
    BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12

  • From my experience in our family and reading on these boards I would wager that all grandparents have favorites. Some are better than others at hiding it but very often the first boy born and the first girl born are the favorites. The other very common theme I have seen is that the offspring of the favorite child of the grandparent are favored more.

    With my ILs and my parents I am in the same situation as you. Raving over our DD, and none of them have really done or said anything to acknowledge #2 will be here in a few weeks. Our children will be 14 or 15 months apart so that might contribute to it some, but I think it is just natural to be more excited about something new/or a first than a repeat of something.

     I'm sure all of your children's grandparents will love them and display that love so dont be sad. I would only say something to her if after the child is born she starts making public displays of favoritism because the children will notice and pick up on that which isnt fair to anyone.



  • BPerBPer member

    This is DH and I's first, but she'll be the 5th grandchild for my in-laws.  I had a breakdown to DH the other day because I'm convinced his parents are not that excited for this baby, especially because she'll be the 4th girl.  I think they're kind of hoping for a boy to eventually go into the family business.  So far, the prospects aren't looking good...

    My MIL is also someone who is constantly buying things for people, she goes shopping and almost always returns with a toy or an outfit for each grandchild. So far nothing for this little one.

    On the other hand, this will be the first grandchild for my parents, and they're ecstatic.  I really think my mother bought half of what's on my registry, and then some. 



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