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Parenting
Help me out re: spanking (long)
So DH is mostly on board with my no-spanking policy. But I've noticed lately that as DS is more challenging DH will get frustrated and then make a comment like "you know, if it gets to a certain point I don't think we should rule out spanking completely, if it's necessary."
FIrst off, it's not necessary. DS isn't even that difficult. Crazy energetic, but not naughty more than a couple times a day. If we were really struggling with discipline I might understand why he was suggesting it, but he always suggests it in a moment of frustration.
Second off...moment of frustration. Last time I would want to see either of us making the call to spank even if it WAS something we were going to do.
DH isn't going to read a bunch of books, but he trusts me when I do more of the research and explain WHY I think a certain parenting technique is better. So far not spanking has been more instinctive. I guess now I need a way to make my case to DH in a way that's fact-based and just makes sense.
So for those of you who's DH/SO's aren't as on board with your no-spanking policy, how did you make your case? Links to any articles etc. that he could read (rather than a whole book) would be helpful too.
I'm not budging on this...we communicate well and compromise where needed but this is just something that's too important to me.
TIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help me out re: spanking (long)
DH and I are like you and your DH.
I think it's totally unnecessary. I will never do it.
DH says that if things get bad enough, he will be okay with it.
I tell him that I firmly believe that there are better ways to deal with naughtiness.
A spanking doesn't teach a lesson that could otherwise be taught in that moment.
I tell him straight up that I disagree with him, and I will never do any spanking, but I will also try not to undermine his parenting.
KWIM?
I really like this, we are reformed spankers, but I am the one who struggles with it. I'm going to remember this whenever I think about spanking.
I am also in your boat. Hi! DH said something about spanking the other day and saw the look of disapproval on my face and his next words were "I'm entitled to decide how to discipline my son". Oh boy. We haven't had a big talk about it yet because it has yet to be an issue, but it's coming. Luckily time outs are working well right now.
We are in the same boat. I am vehemently against my LO ever being spanking, swatted, etc. DH agrees for now, but always brings up the "What if he tries to run into the street?" argument. I try to explain that spanking in no way, shape or form is an effective teaching tool for road safety.
He also thinks that the threat of spanking and using phrases such as "I brought you into this world..." would be okay in certain situations when LO is older. I firmly stand by my feelings that trying to scare your child with threats of physical violence is completely not ok.
Like your H, I have no doubt that my H is a great father but I know stress and frustration can be difficult for anyone to cope with.
I think discussing it when neither of you is frustrated is definitely the best way to address it and gathering some information from articles and studies is a great way to reinforce your stance on the matter. It is what I plan to to with my H as well.
I remind him that I don't want to teach the kids to hit to solve their problems, so I don't want us to hit to solve our problems with the kids.
That said, I've found myself giving ds a swipe on the bottom a few times out of frustration. Not a proud moment, but it's reality. I just don't ever want to use it as a main source of discipline or even a regular thing.
Can you remember a disagreement you had with your DH where he was just plain wrong and being unreasonable? Bring that up and ask if it would've benefited the situation if you had hit him. Or vice versa if you were being the stubborn one;)
I didn't do any research on this, but I have a fundamental problem with raising a hand to someone that is weaker than and completely dependant on me. Even if you buy the argument that it doesn't cause physical pain (which I believe it does) should a child be afraid of his/her parents? What does it teach them for life lessons? That you will get physically attacked if you don't follow the rules?
If we do not protect our kids, who will?