Just more proof why I won't have ILs watch DD

bigbear

We went out for DHs birthday last night and ILs were there as well as my SIL and her 3-yo.

The boy is very confused and has no schedule, rules, discipline etc. As crazy as my SIL is she was actually trying to do the right thing yesterday. My nephew was throwing a fit and she calmly started talking to him to settle him down, to tell him that if he didn't sit nicely with everybody and ate his dinner he would have to walk outside with her and have a timeout. Well all of a sudden MIL jumps in and starts telling SIL how she needs to understand that he's just cranky and continues to tell the boy how ITS OK. THEN two seconds later FIL jumps in to YELL at the poor kid how he can stop acting out any time now... SIL finally snapped and told them to shut it b/c she is talking to her child and they are to be quiet. They were for about a minute. When he wanted candy instad of dinner and SIL said no, MIL took the bag and said, well you can have 2. OMG!!!!!!

THEN we were going to take a pic of the grandparents with the two grandkids and MIL had a glass of water right in front of her while holding DD. I repeatedly said she's grab the glass and MIL kept ignoring it. So I was in the process of going around the table to take the glass but DD had already grabbed and spilled it. THEN they gave her a straw to chew on and she shoved it down her throat so far she gagged and almost stabbed the roof of her mouth.

Seriously I just don't trust them with my child. Especially when they watch my nephew which is all the time. I just don't think they are fit to watch kids, sorry.... I may be overreacting but it's MY baby and I'm not comfortable.

Yes accidents happen and they will happen on my watch, too. But when they are ignoring what I'm saying then it's not ok and the yelling bothers me most of all.

Now I just need to openly explain all of that to DH. I see trouble coming b/c my mom is moving here and will be watching DD while we are at work. So I already hear the comments...

Wouldn't you think the same way though, or am I crazy? LOL

anhg80

On Saturday night, my FIL babysat when we were at a wedding.  This was the first time someone else would put our DD to bed.  She's not a good sleeper, so I explained to him how bedtime worked and left copious notes.  

She normally starts bedtime at 6 to be ready to sleep at 7.  I texted him at 6:30 and he said he was giving her a bath.  She got to bed sometime around 8:00.  We were pretty annoyed.

After reading your post, I will never complain again.  Your husband HAS to see that his parents can't be good sitters if they undermine your decisions and are either permissive or authoritarian instead (oscillating between these two extremes must be so confusing for the kids).

 

bigbear

anhg80:

On Saturday night, my FIL babysat when we were at a wedding.  This was the first time someone else would put our DD to bed.  She's not a good sleeper, so I explained to him how bedtime worked and left copious notes.  

She normally starts bedtime at 6 to be ready to sleep at 7.  I texted him at 6:30 and he said he was giving her a bath.  She got to bed sometime around 8:00.  We were pretty annoyed.

After reading your post, I will never complain again.  Your husband HAS to see that his parents can't be good sitters if they undermine your decisions and are either permissive or authoritarian instead (oscillating between these two extremes must be so confusing for the kids).

 

Well that is also annoying when you have a schedule your FIL won't follow....

And DH does totally get this and also tries to avoid then having to babysit. I've mentioned before that in the 6 months they've only watched dd, well now twice and it's been a big deal every time! But we only do it in desperate emergencies. Its just that my DH feels bad and wants them to have time with DD, which I totally get and I certainly don't want to isolate her from the family. It will just have to be while we are there to watch her..... But at times DH does get a bit defensive... I think the real issues will arise when my mom gets here b/c my ILs will complain, not DH.

There was a bit of an awkward situation when my mom was here when DD was born (my mom lives in a different state). so my mom was holding DD and MIL came over and kind of took DD saying "well you've held her enough". So I stepped in and said, well my mom is here only for a few days so she gets to hold her as much as she wants, you can see her all the time. And guess what they don't even make an effort to come see her but they are the first ones to complain. So f'n annoying!

raefre

It is one thing when ILs just don't know; I realize things have changed.  But it is something totally different when they intentionally ignore what you tell them.  Frustrating indeed.

fyrefairie

bigbear

fyrefairie: